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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Urgent advice needed -AIBU to go ahead with Birthday party today ?

152 replies

Curtains77 · 26/02/2017 08:03

Middle DS is 7 today , party booked for 1130 , cake made etc etc. youngest DS (3) has developed chicken pox yesterday morning and obviously is in quarantine. So it is highly likely birthday boy is incubating it. AIBU to go ahead with his party in a soft play area knowing this is the case ? On one hand, children need to have it ideally , on the other by keeping schtum I am taking away the choice from the other childrens' families ....what if and are immunocompromised? Elderly? Pregnant ? Advice please - I don't want to disappoint DS but ...!Confused

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 26/02/2017 08:04

I would. There's a chance he might not have it anywayb

Mrscog · 26/02/2017 08:07

The 7 year old is most likely not infectious yet - its 48 hours before spots appear and the spots appear 10-21 days after exposure.. As long as you keep your 3 year old away you can go ahead.

RNBrie · 26/02/2017 08:07

I wouldn't cancel a party without actual symptoms. There's every chance he is incubating it but if he caught it off his brother then he won't be contagious himself yet. There's also every chance he's not incubating it at all.

LoopyLou1981 · 26/02/2017 08:07

I'd say you need to make the parents aware so they can make their own choice. The ones who's kids have already had it and you might find that a lot of the other parents are happy to bring their kids along in the hope of getting chicken pox 'ticked off the list'!
I hope you ds has a good party xx

OnlyEatsToast · 26/02/2017 08:07

OMG you would be incredibly unreasonable to still go ahead and risk infecting with chicken pox! Please cancel

OnePlanOnHouzz · 26/02/2017 08:07

Have a friend of the family meet and greet or put a sign up on the door for parents to read if you can't contact everyone and give them the option to stay or go before they go in perhaps.

LoopyLou1981 · 26/02/2017 08:08

*the ones who's kids have had it won't be bothered

Cookingongas · 26/02/2017 08:08

I faced this exact problem four years ago ( well a pool party but otherwise..)
I cancelled. Lost my money. Let dd down . She didn't get the pox and talks occasionally about the party that never was Sad

If I had to do it over I'd definetly have the party.

WeAreEternal · 26/02/2017 08:08

The important thing here is if you have sole use of the soft play area.

If you do go ahead with the party but let all of the parents know, then it's their choice if they want to risk exposing their dcs to it.

If you don't and there will be other children there you can't risk your DS infecting strangers children, it's not fair, as you said you don't know who else might be there who could be exposed.

I'm sure you'll be able to rearrange the party for another day.

beelover · 26/02/2017 08:08

If this was a school day you wouldn't be keeping him home just in case he had it so yes I would go ahead with the party.

NoBetterName · 26/02/2017 08:08

I would text parents and let them know to be honest. I've never had chickenpox myself and as you say, some of the mums may be pregnant. As I understand it, chickenpox is most contagious just before or when the spots are freshly out (may be wrong there), so if your DS is incubating it, he could already be contagious.

NancyDonahue · 26/02/2017 08:08

I would go ahead with it. Germs are everywhere and they could just as likely pick something up standing in the queue at the supermarket as at a kids party.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 26/02/2017 08:09

You need to communicate with all parents now by text and give them the chance to decide whether to come or not. You also need to task someone with standing at the door to check that the parents received the message.

I would not be happy if this was known and the choice as to whether to send my DC was taken away from me. My 3 and 4 year old have been vaccinated but the baby is too young. It's my choice as to whether to knowingly expose her to CP

AnaG1ypta · 26/02/2017 08:09

Does he seem at all ill? Both of mine were definitely a bit off colour before their spots erupted.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 26/02/2017 08:09

If your son is potentially contagious, you have to cancel imo. Anyone at the party could become infected, not just immunocompromised or pregnant women but adults who didn't have it as children. In most cases it is fairly mild, but some develop complications causing serious illness, long term disability and even death. If you have a conscience at all, you can't go ahead with the party. A party can be rearranged, a disability/death can't be taken back.

NataliaOsipova · 26/02/2017 08:10

I think you're at your most infectious the day or two before the spots come out...and the incubation period is 2-3 weeks. So I would go ahead, obviously leaving DS3 at home (poor boy - hope he's soon better!). Even if DS2 has caught it, I think it's unlikely he would pass it on today. If you think about it, you can't leave DS2 off school for 3 weeks "in case", so the other children's families will be exposed to it anyway.

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 26/02/2017 08:11

Have it but you MUST tell all the parents beforehand so it's their choice to bring children or not. Some might be pregnant for example but in early stages so you wouldn't know yet.

TheDisreputableDog · 26/02/2017 08:11

Birthday DS will not be infectious yet, obviously you cannot take youngest DS. Id say you're in the 'safe window', we were unknowingly in the same position at Christmas, DD obviously been infected just before and spots came out early Jan, we saw lots of children over Christmas no one developed Chicken Pox as a result.

CarelessWispas · 26/02/2017 08:11

On one hand, children need to have it ideally if that were the case it would not be part of the standard vaccination schedule in Australia.

I really feel for you. I'd probably reschedule. Good luck and I hope your DC are both OK.

IBelieveInPink · 26/02/2017 08:12

I think the point made about a school day is a really valid one. I'd go ahead. Hope you have a lovely day either way.

babypossum · 26/02/2017 08:12

You could be unknowingly exposing your child at any type of gathering where there are other children and as other posters have said, there is nothing to suggest the birthday child will have contracted it. Keep the child home who is infected, text other attendees, and go ahead with the party. Hope he has a great time.

Mrscog · 26/02/2017 08:12

Is your 3 year old the only person he's had exposure to who's had it? If so he could have only caught it on Wednesday at the earliest, meaning that he wouldn't be infectious until next Wednesday at the very earliest (it incubates before you become a 'spreader). Honestly, he'll be fine.

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 26/02/2017 08:13

If you were my friend and you hadn't told me and I brought along my baby who is too young to be vacinnated yet I wouldn't ever speak to you again if I knew you willingly put her at risk and didn't give me the choice to stay away

Blueberryblueberry · 26/02/2017 08:13

I was so anxious about whether my 5yo would come down with the dreaded pox before her birthday this year. Half her class have had it including best friend so I thought it was guaranteed. She hasn't caught it so I would definitely go ahead if the birthday boy has no symptoms. At this time of year there's nearly always someone in the class/family/playgroup who's got it so there's nearly always a chance your walking around with a pre-spotty child and you can't put life on hold. It's different if they're unwell or actually spotty but if not I'd go ahead.

RebelSoldier · 26/02/2017 08:14

Exact situation happened to me.
I told everyone and lots came anyway and a few didn't. Just go ahead. But tell parents.