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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Urgent advice needed -AIBU to go ahead with Birthday party today ?

152 replies

Curtains77 · 26/02/2017 08:03

Middle DS is 7 today , party booked for 1130 , cake made etc etc. youngest DS (3) has developed chicken pox yesterday morning and obviously is in quarantine. So it is highly likely birthday boy is incubating it. AIBU to go ahead with his party in a soft play area knowing this is the case ? On one hand, children need to have it ideally , on the other by keeping schtum I am taking away the choice from the other childrens' families ....what if and are immunocompromised? Elderly? Pregnant ? Advice please - I don't want to disappoint DS but ...!

OP posts:

MollyofTheFolly · 26/02/2017 08:15

Could you hold the party at home instead, as it sounds like there may be families there not part of your party who wouldn't know about the risk but would stay clear if they knew. If it's only your party, then just warn people in advance so they can make their own decision. I say this as my husband caught chicken pox and he ended up in intensive care for several days, it was horrendous, at one point it was touch and go and they thought he'd contracted meningitis as a result. He wasn't in a high risk group by the way, just hadn't had it as a child, and is a fit, healthy adult.

AnaG1ypta · 26/02/2017 08:15

^On one hand, children need to have it ideally^ if that were the case it would not be part of the standard vaccination schedule in Australia.

But it's not here. I wish it was and with hindsight would have vaccinated. But if you're not vaccinating surely early (1 year plus?) is better. I had it in early adulthood. It was dreadful.

Mrscog · 26/02/2017 08:16

'If you were my friend and you hadn't told me and I brought along my baby who is too young to be vacinnated yet I wouldn't ever speak to you again if I knew you willingly put her at risk and didn't give me the choice to stay away'

Seriously that is a complete over reaction - the science of the exposure makes it 99.9999% likely that he isn't even infectious, and even to catch it from someone requires 10-20 mins of very close (like 1m apart exposure) or sharing of things that have been licked. How many 7 year olds are going to give a tiny baby more than about a 30 glance (if that) at their own birthday party.

Nicpem1982 · 26/02/2017 08:17

I'd let the parents know and go ahead.

My dd attended a party where one of the children's siblings had chicken pox and mum didn't say and turned up to the party the upshot was 4 children my dd included got chicken pox shortly after.

As parents it would have been nice to be given the choice

CarTrack · 26/02/2017 08:17

As said up thread you wouldn't keep a child off school because their sibling had chicken pox, so no need to cancel.

Texting parents to let them know beforehand is nice if you can, I wouldn't tell them on the door though.

ExcellentWorkThereMary · 26/02/2017 08:17

I wouldn't even think twice, I'd go ahead with the party. Maybe that's not the right thing to do though. It wouldn't occur to me to cancel if into weren't the Birthday child who was ill. People don't keep all their kids off school for weeks when one sibling gets the pox, do they? Hmm, I'm doubting myself now...

Original poster

Curtains77 · 26/02/2017 08:18

Thanks for the immediate and thoughtful responses x we have sole use of the area but there is another party immediately after. The youngest ' s nursery had a case perhaps 3 or 4 weeks ago so I am assuming that's the origin. Good point about school - I was planning on sending him tomorrow if he was still symptom free. Now I am not so sure !

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 26/02/2017 08:18

Do people really keep the well siblings of ill children off school?

MirandaWest · 26/02/2017 08:20

When my DS got chicken pox, my DD got it exactly 2 weeks later. She would have got it from him I am pretty sure (he was nearly 2 and she was 4 weeks old).

In your situation you don't know that your older DS will get it. I had chicken pox when I was 9 and my 2 year old sister didn't get it then. I would let people know the situation but wouldn't cancel. Are you going to keep him off school tomorrow or will he go?

Original poster

Curtains77 · 26/02/2017 08:21

Stealthpolarbear - is it just for something as contagines as this ? There are so many potential risks for the children and families ! My head is buzzing ....I don't want to be responsible for ANYONE getting Ill !!!

OP posts:

hazelnutlatte · 26/02/2017 08:21

If my dd2 was unwell there is no way I'd keep my dd1 off school 'just in case' so I don't see how this is any different! I would mention it to other parents in case anyone has a tiny baby etc but I'd also make it clear that your infected child will not be attending himself.

InfiniteCurve · 26/02/2017 08:22

You can't keep a child off school because they might be going to be ill!

Soft play might contain any number of children possibly incubating a variety of illnesses and if you are that concerned about the risk of infection I think the onus is on you to stay away from that type of environment.

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 26/02/2017 08:22

There's a difference between school which you need to go to and a birthday party which is optional!

Chicken pox is NOT always a mild illness - my friends baby just has pneumonia develop as a complication of it and it can cause major problems for pregnant women.

I'm shocked at the number of people who wouldn't even tell their friends of the situation.

Go ahead but you must let people know so it's there choice to come or not.

Mrscog · 26/02/2017 08:22

' the youngest ' s nursery had a case perhaps 3 or 4 weeks ago '

Exactly - so it's taken that long for him to become infectious, which is why you should carry on as normal. I agree that it would be polite to let the parents know the situation though so they can make an informed decision.

Original poster

Curtains77 · 26/02/2017 08:23

Ok - there are only 7 children going. I know all the mump pretty well. I am going to text them all now - informed choice is the key here I think. I am also going to let play centre know . It sounds like this is the most reasonable thing to do .

OP posts:

Pleasestoplickingthetv · 26/02/2017 08:23

on the one hand children need to have it

Its not your choice over whether children have it - I would be furious if you didn't tell me as that was your reason.
A friend of ours have a little boy who passed away at the age of 2 due to a complication from chicken pox. This is one of the reasons why when people say to me "it's better they get it now and out the way" I still refuse to knowingly put my child at risk of catching it. If they catch it through school etc then there isn't much I could do about it, however would I willing put them in close contact with a contagious child? Not a chance.

Inneedofaholiday2017 · 26/02/2017 08:24

Good plan op. I hope your lo has a lovely party.

Mrscog · 26/02/2017 08:24

If you keep him off school he could end up with having nearly 5 weeks off if he folows the 21 day incubation pattern and then gets it. Are you really going to keep a 7 year old off for 5 weeks?

jazzmin · 26/02/2017 08:24

I had to cancel a holiday when my son caught chicken pox from the childminders children. I was devestated... suitcases were packed and everything. I lost £600 as the excess was 150 per passenger not booking. I would text and give people the choice. I would hope most people aren't bothered, but if they have a special wedding or something coming up it would be nice to give them the full facts.

Beelands · 26/02/2017 08:24

I'd have the party and wouldn't think twice.

jazzmin · 26/02/2017 08:25

Great decision, OP.

minisoksmakehardwork · 26/02/2017 08:25

Unless your ds comes down with pox overnight there is no need to keep him off school tomorrow. Maybe let his teacher know his brother has it so they are aware in case spots come up while he is at school and they can also manage any immunocompromised dc at school.

Text parents of the party and let them know, so it becomes their choice about letting their child go. People who've had it before will come, those who haven't might not and those for whom it would cause problems won't come. Leave pox child home as it won't be fun for them while they're in the erupting/contagious stage. Enjoy the party :)

Original poster

Curtains77 · 26/02/2017 08:25

Pleasestiplickinhthetv - good God that is awful I am so sorry to hear that. Please don't worry - I am posting for opinions because I genuinely want to do the right thing . So sorry

OP posts:

MrsPeelyWaly · 26/02/2017 08:25

Curtains, you really are over thinking this.

Slothlikesundays · 26/02/2017 08:26

Text parents beforehand. Those who have immunocompromised/pregnant family members will need to know.

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