To not let DD go to this party?

[welliesandsequins]

Dd(14) has been invited to go to a party next weekend. It's her friend's boyfriend's friend's party. She is not at the same school as the boyfriend or his friend. She is at the same school as her friend but I have never met her or her parents.
She has been invited with three other friends, all of whom I know.
I happen to know some other children going to the party as the school is local. But their parents don't know the hosting parents either.

I have several issues. Firstly I don't know the hosting parents. I would be surprised if they are aware that my dd or her friends are coming. Not only is that unfair on them, but I wonder how many others will just turn up. (Party is not at their house).
There will probably be alcohol there. I don't feel that is safe when I don't know who will be there, who is keeping an eye on them, and no one will know who dd is/I am if there's a problem.

AIBU not letting her go? I have said I would need to speak to hosting parents but realistically o don't know how she will get a contact for them.

Secondary to that there are logistical issues as dd wants all her friends to stay with us after the party. But those can be worked out. It's the party itself I am worried about.

Please show me where I said my daughter can't make decisions until she is 18.....What's that...Can't do it? Didn't think so

Surely most people think "having better rules makes you a better person"....That doesn't mean the same as "I'm better than you"....Never said that.

At least that's not the way I have interpreted it. Certainly didn't mean it that way. I recognise people have taken that way though. Surely any mum would think to herself "if I create a better rule I will be a better person". Got nowt to do with anyone else.

It categorically doesn't make you a better person, I can assure you of that 😋

And I hate the way people translate "I wouldn't like my 14 year old to go to a skate park late at night" to she doesn't go anywhere ever....And won't make any decisions until her 18th birthday. That's just ridiculous. And unfair. And disengenuous. For me it's about making sensible decisions for your own child. Things may have been different five years ago for example. Now even in small towns drugs are common. I don't want my 14 year old near any. Don't think there is anything wrong with that.

Magzmarsh...You are misinterpreting it. Do you never try and make yourself a better person? Not meaning better than anyone else....Better yourself?

You most certainly did mean it made you a better person/parent with better rules and morals, please don't suggest I or anyone else on this thread is "misinterpreting" you.

And you're the one making assumptions, according to your logic teenagers gathering at skateparks are automatically going to be drinking, smoking and taking drugs.

You clearly have a very blinkered, judgemental attitude towards most young adults, except your dc of course, they're obviously so much "better" 😎

When we make rules for our kids we don't know if they are going to work ...And we evolve them as they get older. I might have thought 7pm is a good bedtime for my child a year ago, now I may allow later as long as he has done his homework etc....See...A better rule. That was my meaning. This all started because I said I was surprised at other peoples standards....The standards I was referring to were parents letting their child watch sex on YouTube and giving them beer at 11. Surely there are people on here who think that's not ok?

You can back pedal all the way to China, we all know how you meant it.

Magzmarsh....You are wrong. In everything you say. It is not too out of this world to think that teenagers hanging around dark places at night might get up to stuff. If you believe there is never ever a possibility of that you are living a very blinkered life. A friend of mines son used to go out all the time. He's 16 and has now been in rehab three times. It happens. It does.

Magzmarsh...Notice you still haven't been able to tell me where I said my daughter can't make any decisions up to her 18th birthday.....

And no one is suggesting the extreme examples you're giving are acceptable parenting but you're aware of that, you're just floundering and desperate to prove your "point".

What point?

Surely you to are desperate to prove yours.....Thanks for agreeing my examples are not acceptable parenting.

Anything else I have said is wrong?

I work in one of the most deprived, drug ridden areas in Edinburgh, you're so utterly off the mark about your knowledge it's utterly laughable.

And yes your dc will be incapable of making an informed decision about their own safety and well being if mummy makes all their choices for them so good luck with that the first night they're out on the lash without you telling them what to do.

....but of course they're "better" than that, silly me 😋

Magzmarsh...Which knowledge an I wrong with? Please tell me? The knowledge that kids get up to stuff late at night! Is that wrong? Don't think so? Your second paragraph is rude. You do not know me or my daughter. Just because she dies not go to skateparks does not mean she cannot make a decision. I don't make all decisions for her. There you go again misinterpreting stuff.

I'll leave you to your misplaced sense of superiority now and let you get back to that fabulous better parenting you do 😋

She makes informed decisions about her safety all the time. She doesn't want to go to a skatepark or wander the streets late at night. Not all kids do.

You clearly think you are better than me.

Magzmarsh
...Touched a nerve somewhere have I?

Whilst you've been spending so much time on here your dc could be scoring smack and robbing post offices, tsk tsk, your halo is slipping love 😇

So Magzmarsh if you live in the most deprived areas of Edinburgh, would you let a vulnerable 14 year old out to join them? I wouldn't. Sorry. My choice. You carry on...

Nah, I think we all know who's nerves have been touched 🤣