Is DS being excluded because of his disability ?

[youcantgettome]

I hope not.

So my DS has language difficulties and Autism. He is 7. I joined him into our local football training, I was a bit apprehensive because DS hasn't played football ! (Has an odd kick of the ball) and I didn't know how the team would take to him. But anyway I went along with it.

To my surprise, when I took DS to football, he was engaged in the game. He was playing around, kicking the ball or tying to get hold of the ball to kick it. Though, when the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing...so when the coach was shouting at exercises.. DS would process the information and do the instruction but the coach and the others kids have moved on to the next exercises instruction. Ifyswim.

But other than that, I was amazed how DS did in the match...he was throwing the ball appropriately, kicking it, stopping when the players stop it. I was proud as before he would of found these difficult.

But after the session, the coach told me that maybe it would be better for DS to go to a specialist football team (there's hardly any) as its due to his understanding of language or processing of language is slow. Also, he cannot provide the attention DS needs and he has to attend to all the other kids.

I do understand but I felt a bit deflated. DS in my eyes, did excellent as he has never played footie ever ! Plus his social skills difficulties etc... he seemed he did ok. But I don't know, should we look elsewhere ? Should I give up on DS doing football ? I told a friend this and she was shocked and thinks DS was excluded because of his disability ? But I've heard that football is quite competitive so the coaches naturally are ?? Idk.

What do you mumsnetters think ?

Jiggly - No need for FFS . The coach was upfront and honest about his ability include the Ops son. Then a poster calls him a wanker and others think he should be reported!

Would it be better the little boy turns up week after week struggling to keep up and becoming disheartened? What if he was injured?

To be honest. I've just accepted that it's the way it is. To be honest, there is exclusion in SEN activities...e.g. Some groups targeted for children with SEN are for those who have mild SEN and don't take children with severe SEN. My DS had to do an assessment at the school his at now to see whether he would be suitable for the school. I know a few kids who didn't get accepted.

There's exclusion everywhere more so for SEN. So I'm going to move past it, not give up and look for a football club which is suitable for DS.

The coach was really nice, he was just honest. DS being able to tackle the ball, join in; kick the ball to his team mates was a big thing to me ! But to the coach it wasn't enough ? As he looking at the long term, DS learning more complex instructions, not having the attention to attend to him, have to look out for the others and not DS etc. So I get it and don't think his a wanker.

But I would not let that deter me and my search continues.

So its OK to exclude kids as long as you are upfront about it?

It's not exclusion though. He can't cope at the level that the group is taught at. Would you put a grade 1 violinist into the London symphony orchestra?

I agree with those that said the competitiveness ramps up from KS2. My DS plays for a club that currently runs 3 under 8's teams, they don't like to talk about the 3 teams being different abilities but when you are playing in a league you have to be selective to a certain degree so the teams play equal opposition in the leagues. You don't want your child's team being beaten 20-0 every week or winning 20-0 as they won't learn anything from it.
So if you could find a club that is big enough to run more teams, then I think that would be a potentially good fit.
From what I've seen I can certainly imagine that someone new to the game and not processing the information quickly enough wouldn't be someone they would want to keep if they were a selective team. And I can also see that would not just apply to kids with a disability as even NT kids just don't take everything in especially competing against those who've been playing from age 4. And then they get put off from the game too and drop out making it become even more competitive!
Also, our coaches are all volunteers (and superstars) so if this coach didn't feel he could provide the support I would be happy he said that but I'd look for a club that had a family atmosphere where they ran lots of teams, some more successful than others just for the love of the game (with superstars for coaches).

I am a gymnastics coach which is obviously different but i probably would not be able to take on a child with a significant sn without parent providing funding for 1 to 1.
the club. Is only obliged to make reasonable adjustment to accommodate child with disability. A significant detrimental effect on the other kids taking part is not reasonable

If you're in London - look at your nearest big football club. A friend of mine coaches for Fulham and another for the Spurs disability teams. They have a wide range of disability teams where they play for fun and competitively against the other clubs disability teams.

Of course football is a competitive sport and coaches and the players want to win. My son started with a football team when he was 8 and wasn't good at it, and so didn't get a game but just ended up as substitute most weeks. I would never have expected my son to be given a place in the team at the expense of the rest of the boys on the team. It just wouldn't be fair. Even though you might think your DS is a great player, you might have blinkers on. Maybe your DS would still be allowed to train with them without actually playing in the proper matches? If not, perhaps he could join something that isn't competitive like martial arts, gymnastics etc?

play I don't know. The mum thought it was as she said the SEN club should of at least given her DD a try and let her settle before making a judgement.

I don't think exclusion is ok at all. But what can I do ? I can't be forever depressed about it. I need to move forward, looking at different avenues. It's hard. But I have to try.

livelonghappy I don't have my blinkers on , I said in my previous post that for a child who has social communication difficulties, interaction difficulties, language etc. For him to participate in a game, know how to tackle the ball, kick the ball, pass the ball to his team mates and follow them around. Is a BIG THING. But in the coaches point of view, due to his delayed language processing and having to explain etc etc this wasn't good enough for him. So I totally understand that point.

I don't want my son to play football competitively ? Did I even disclose that ? I just want him to play football...a good sport that he enjoys for fun.

My dd does trampolining at the local gym. There are 4 in the grouo but obvs only 1 on the trampoline at a time so it is like 1 on 1 coaching as long as he could deal with the watching part. Dds gym is very inclusive (she didnt start til 9). Might be worth a try if you want something sporty for him

Sorry OP..my post was directed at cosy

I coach rugby. I fully hold my hands up and say that I couldn't cope with a child with additional needs as I couldn't give the attention needed and keep the other children safe in terms of tackling etc.

In defence of the coach, volunteering is high pressured and can be a thankless task.

Oh it's ok lou I figured. I'll look into other sports too.... trampoline is something he could try. But I will still keep up with the football (just for fun) as he did seem to really enjoy it.

A significant detrimental effect on the other kids taking part is not reasonable

It's quite detrimental to him to be thrown out...

From a legal site

Does the Disability Discrimination Act have an effect on the sporting arena?

The Disability Discrimination Act has the following effect on the sporting context:

It is unlawful for sports clubs to treat disabled people less favourably for a reason related to their disability
Sports clubs are required to make reasonable adjustments for disabled people such as providing extra help

Ds1 has asd. Football is not competitive until 11. Ds has attended since he was 7 and used to twirl on the pitch and tackle his own team mates. Occasionally lay down if overwhelmed. The team kept him on regardless. I think the coach has been very unfair.

jacques A parent who I know of who has an older son with ASD is amazing at rugby ! His amazing all sports but he doesn't have the language difficulties that DS have. When you mentioned you were a rugby coach it just reminded me of that.

Really pega** ?! How is your DS going now ??

It appears that all these coaches who hold their hands up and say they couldnt cope legally should be providing support so he could be included.

This is the essence of why the equality act is needed. Because otherwise noone would go to the bother of including those with disabilities when its harder.

But i understand you wouldnt want your son in a club where he isnt wanted.

People providing all the justifications are on dodgy ground though morally and legally.

Op I don't suppose you're in Suffolk?

Sorry I haven't read the thread. My DS went to a local football training scheme. I was told when he was 8 that he wasn't what they are looking for (cunts). I moved him, it was out of the way and told him I couldn't manage it any more. Moved him to a different club. He loves it. They love him. They know kids develop differently. They know most of the kids they train will never be footballers. They place love of the game first. So I would move him. I think there is disablism going on too, but probably a shit load of testosterone first. I would also speak to his coaches and possibly ask for him to join a slightly lower age group as lots of boys will have been playing since they walked and it's more likely to build his confidence if he is able to match the skill level of his cohort - i did this when DD wanted to join too. Good luck and don't give up. Some clubs are run by utter testosterone fuelled shits. I think your sons maybe one.

From.citizens advice website

What’s the unfair treatment?

There are certain things the Equality Act says could be unlawful discrimination by a private members club or association if it's because of a protected characteristic.

It may be unlawful discrimination, if the club or association:

says you can't become a member

This thread is really sad and shows some awful attitudes. These are children, the 8 year olds are not being 'significantly disadvantaged' , they will learn about inclusion.

It is sad lou. I do understand that they may not have the attention (even though they should be making adjustments). I just hope that theirs an activity that will accept DS and help him to florish.

No "pera* Suffolk is quite far from London.