Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DS being excluded because of his disability ?

502 replies

youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 16:30

I hope not.

So my DS has language difficulties and Autism. He is 7. I joined him into our local football training, I was a bit apprehensive because DS hasn't played football ! (Has an odd kick of the ball) and I didn't know how the team would take to him. But anyway I went along with it.

To my surprise, when I took DS to football, he was engaged in the game. He was playing around, kicking the ball or tying to get hold of the ball to kick it. Though, when the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing...so when the coach was shouting at exercises.. DS would process the information and do the instruction but the coach and the others kids have moved on to the next exercises instruction. Ifyswim.

But other than that, I was amazed how DS did in the match...he was throwing the ball appropriately, kicking it, stopping when the players stop it. I was proud as before he would of found these difficult.

But after the session, the coach told me that maybe it would be better for DS to go to a specialist football team (there's hardly any) as its due to his understanding of language or processing of language is slow. Also, he cannot provide the attention DS needs and he has to attend to all the other kids.

I do understand but I felt a bit deflated. DS in my eyes, did excellent as he has never played footie ever ! Plus his social skills difficulties etc... he seemed he did ok. But I don't know, should we look elsewhere ? Should I give up on DS doing football ? I told a friend this and she was shocked and thinks DS was excluded because of his disability ? But I've heard that football is quite competitive so the coaches naturally are ?? Idk.

What do you mumsnetters think ?

OP posts:
LimeBubbles · 25/02/2017 21:25

And no answers to my questions. How does an unqualified coach learn how to deal with disabilities?

Ask the mum how they can help him as from op post it's only that he's missing parts of the warm ip, he's engaging with all other parts of the training and game. He hasn't asked how to help or aid just said no.

Coach: how can I help him cope better with the training?
Mum: maybe if you tell me your normal warm up we can practise at home or if you just say it then pause for a couple of seconds before starting the actual stretch to help him process that would be helpful
Coach: oh thank you I will try that, and I'll explain to the other kids that we need to wait a couple of seconds so our whole team can be included, this isn't the premier league and it'll be good for them to learn inclusivity.

StatisticallyChallenged · 25/02/2017 21:25

The word "reasonable" is very important there. In a large sports club (say, one run by a premier league team like some of those described about) then what would be classed as a reasonable adjustment would be very different to reasonable for a local team with one coach.

PlayOnWurtz · 25/02/2017 21:28

I refer back to my earlier musical analogy. When people get to certain ages and abilities their hobby becomes more serious and you are expected to be of a certain standard to participate in clubs or groups. Unfortunately in many hobbies that starts at around late primary level. Would you expect youth orchestras to drop their standards to permit entry? Or perhaps the ballet school? How about something more dangerous like a martial art or ice skating?

There are some clubs that are more serious than others and yes they should make allowances for disabilities providing the person is otherwise at the required standard. If you/your child isn't at the level for a club you shrug your shoulders and find one more suitable.

It's not discrimination to say the other club members are at a higher level.

JacquesHammer · 25/02/2017 21:33

Jiggly - my stance is nothing to do with my child. She doesn't play the sport I coach.

And I would try and include any child - NT or additional needs but I still maintain that given I simply don't have the man power IF a child wasn't able to fully participate/follow instructions then as a safety issue I would have to ask them to sit certain aspects out/not attend (and I have done that with NT children who were causing difficulties)

Allthewaves · 25/02/2017 21:36

Hello

Bit late to the thread but iv got ds(8) 1 adhd and ds5(asd). Haven't been brave enough for football club but my boys go to something like the link below, but it's a local version. Coaches from local football club set up an indoor football night for 3 age groups at different times starting with 5 to 12 yrs. It's great as it's half hour of skills then half hour of mini matches. No league, no huge competitions - just mini ones on the night. It's super inclusive. Perhaps there's something around your way

www.littlekickers.co.uk

Original poster
youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 21:40

Thank you all this looks fantastic !

Thanks all for all your comments and your suggestions ! I really appreciate it :)

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 25/02/2017 21:40

This isn't about being 'disablist'. There are children who are not disabled, who are not particularly good at football, who will also not be included in the team. That's life I'm afraid. A volunteer football coach will want a winning team, yes, even at 7 years old. That's why the majority of clubs play in junior football leagues. There are sports centres which do indoor football kick abouts for all abilities, where it doesnt matter if they're good or not, because they do it for fun and not at a competitive level. If people start threatening junior football clubs with legal action for not allowing their child on the team, then it will mean a huge struggle to get coaches onboard, as they just wouldn't want the hassle.

melj1213 · 25/02/2017 21:43

Lime Bubbles, it doesn't seem to be as simple as that though - I know in our youth sessions the coaches don't do the same activities every session - they do the same type of skill based activities but the specific games/drills will vary, so our coaches wouldn't be able to do that not because they don't want to but because that isn't possible ... I mean they could give you a list of all the possible activities/drills they use but that is not a short one!

As for waiting ... it depends on the dynamic of the group and how long the child requires to process the information as to whether that's practical in a weekly sports session. In the OP she mentioned that in the warm ups her son was effectively one drill behind everyone else ... in our youth sessions the kids will do each drill for about 5 minutes, so if it's taking till the end of each drill for the OPs son to process the instructions, it's not just a case of repeating it or giving him an extra few seconds it's minutes ... and when a session is only an hour and there's always a 20 minute 5 a side game to fit in at the end plus accounting for late kids and collecting up equiptment at the end , that's only really 30 minutes for warm ups/drills and if the coach is having to wait 2/3 minutes for one child to process each drill, it's just not practical when you've got 15 other 7 yos to keep focussed especially in these winter months when you need to keep them warm and moving so they don't start whinging about being cold and needing another five minutes to get going again .

If the coach doesn't feel like he can make enough of an adjustment to accommodate the OPs DS and his particular SEN or he feels that the relaxed style of club the OP is looking for doesn't mesh with his club's style then he should say so now so that the OP can find a club that is suited to his needs and style.

WateryTart · 25/02/2017 21:44

Jiggly, OP's son is at a specialist school.

You don't want him in your class, you don't want him in your Cubs group, you don't want him at your football or rugby or cricket.

And no one has said that but feel free to make things up.

LouKout · 25/02/2017 21:45

So much justification for discrimination and disablism. Its depressing.

Foxesarefriends · 25/02/2017 21:46

I think I recognise some of the arses posting on this thread from the sidelines...

bumsexatthebingo · 25/02/2017 21:46

But he's not being excluded due to.his footballing ability. He's being excluded due to his language/processing delay.
Over 15% of school age children have some form of sen. If you can't coach them then coaching children isn't for you.

JacquesHammer · 25/02/2017 21:46

No Lou - it's reasonable adjustment. And you're not giving any answers as how to solve that.

If a child needed 1 to 1 coaching due to additional needs how do I provide that when there isn't another body?!

LimeBubbles · 25/02/2017 21:47

Melj but he didn't even ask to see if adjustments could be made and only gave them one session before saying no. Doesn't seem fair to me

Original poster
youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 21:47

mel it wasn't 5 mins for each drill. It was like this "jog, jog, jog, jog" (4X) then "lie down, turn around," then "stand up, jump, touch the ground". It was very past faced.

OP posts:
Olympiathequeen · 25/02/2017 21:48

I simply wouldn't want my child left with a coach who is this ruthless and children who may be competitive and will end up resenting your DS. So to me, to hell with forcing inclusion to this snarky little clique.

Football isn't inclusive. Look at how gay and black players are treated. It's disgraceful. There are far nicer sports I would like my DS to play.

My DS is physically disabled and was left out of the playground football games because, as his TA said, the boys take it very seriously. The younger kids though were happy to play with him. Would I 'force inclusion'? No.

Foxesarefriends · 25/02/2017 21:50

JacquesHammer this is not about needing a one to one though? That would be difficult as a reasonable adjustment.
Quite often it's just patience, kindness and a bit of common sense needed.

The coach didn't even bother asking what he could do, he wasn't interested.

bumsexatthebingo · 25/02/2017 21:51

And him being at a specialist school is neither here nor there. He won't go to specialist shops or a special needs gp surgery. He doesn't ride on specialist trains. No-one is asking that he be provided a full time, needs specific, education. Just that he be accommodated in an extra curricular activity for an hour.
I sincerely hope some people on here never have the experience of having a special needs child/grandchild so they don't have to find out how awful their attitude is.

Original poster
youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 21:51

I was with DS throughout the training session and tried to get involved in the warm up but as DS was struggling with that ! But I'm not sure if they like it as it's their class ?

OP posts:
PlayOnWurtz · 25/02/2017 21:52

It's not a case of not wanting people with SEN disallowed from activities though. My dc are slightly older than the op's so their hobbies are now at the more serious stages where they put more effort and energy into it. One is passionate about performing arts and in their class is a child with additional needs and they cannot cope with performance anxiety, before every show they lash out, target the same child too and nothing is said or done because they have SEN. If that were my child and it were making them that distressed I'd find another past time for them.

Performance is compulsory for this class btw.

Sometimes it's simply finding the appropriate group that will suit your child's needs.

LouKout · 25/02/2017 21:52

I dont need to give answers. I am not involved in the field of child sport.

JacquesHammer · 25/02/2017 21:53

No Foxes - I appreciate that. Hence why I said "if". It's more a musing as to how it's achievable really.

And again Bumsex - although I suspect you won't answer - when there's JUST me. Doing a high risk - potentially life threatening activity - how do I accommodate additional needs? I am sure you'd accept I couldn't accommodate a child with a physical disability?

JacquesHammer · 25/02/2017 21:55

Lou - and THAT is part of the issue. But hey. Let's not try and solve.

bumsexatthebingo · 25/02/2017 21:57

It's not that the class doesn't suit the child though. He enjoyed it. It is that the coach doesn't want the child there.
And I love how people are talking about 'risk' and 'lashing out' and the need for 1-1 support when the ops description of the 'disruption' was her child being a few seconds behind with the warm up exercises!

LouKout · 25/02/2017 21:58

Attack is not the best form of defence Jacques

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.