Is DS being excluded because of his disability ?

[youcantgettome]

I hope not.

So my DS has language difficulties and Autism. He is 7. I joined him into our local football training, I was a bit apprehensive because DS hasn't played football ! (Has an odd kick of the ball) and I didn't know how the team would take to him. But anyway I went along with it.

To my surprise, when I took DS to football, he was engaged in the game. He was playing around, kicking the ball or tying to get hold of the ball to kick it. Though, when the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing...so when the coach was shouting at exercises.. DS would process the information and do the instruction but the coach and the others kids have moved on to the next exercises instruction. Ifyswim.

But other than that, I was amazed how DS did in the match...he was throwing the ball appropriately, kicking it, stopping when the players stop it. I was proud as before he would of found these difficult.

But after the session, the coach told me that maybe it would be better for DS to go to a specialist football team (there's hardly any) as its due to his understanding of language or processing of language is slow. Also, he cannot provide the attention DS needs and he has to attend to all the other kids.

I do understand but I felt a bit deflated. DS in my eyes, did excellent as he has never played footie ever ! Plus his social skills difficulties etc... he seemed he did ok. But I don't know, should we look elsewhere ? Should I give up on DS doing football ? I told a friend this and she was shocked and thinks DS was excluded because of his disability ? But I've heard that football is quite competitive so the coaches naturally are ?? Idk.

What do you mumsnetters think ?

2 me, some of the replies here are unfair. Even at 7yo, A footie side isn't a social or youth club. They are competitive sides. DS gets asked to play only 1 in 10 matches with his side. DS just isn't a very good footballer (no SN). The coach & the kids are committed & their parents (nobody is paid or trained) are committed because it is highly competitive. In training sessions, at age 7-9, It's already a lot like herding cats to get the NT lads to really concentrate & engage.

Our nearest big team (sometimes premier league) operates community weekly "soccer school" sessions that would suit OP's DS ok. SS is a weekly teaching & training session with a bit of competitive play, range of abilities and most the kids are age 6-7. A different kind of environment.

I'm sure the is the right team out there. Or would the coach be happy to let him do the training sessions and just not play matches? Of course, if your DS would get upset at this, that's a non starter.

I have found junior football anything but inclusive. They want the best players.

My DS did cricket instead and he doesn't do the matches but joins in the training.

I am sorry your DS has had this experience .. I simply won't allow my DS to do football other than kick around with his mates as I know it would knock his self esteem.

My experience has been that boys start playing football very young - DS3 started at 5 having never played before, and he was the only one in his age group who hadn't been in as team before. By 7, they are mostly experienced and committed, and used to the rules and following instructions.
If you can find a club which takes on kids who are new to the game, or not involved in leagues/ competition, it might work out better.
Your DS is already behind the others in football terms, and if he has processing difficulties, its going to be really hard for him to catch up and keep up. Most coaches would find that hard to manage.
Is his school able to recommend anyone?

Coffemachine I can't believe that has happened to your DS. It's so sad isn't it? But frankly I don't care anymore....certainly not what the other parents think...unless the coach was giving DS a lot of attention and not attending to the other children. But other than that nope, I want to take control of my life and certainly my feelings. It is hard but I'm going to keep on trying and see if there's some sort of football place that will accept him.

Alas the journey continues .

Oh your poor ds. Guy sounds like a wanker but at least I guess you now know a) you can rule that club out and b) that football is something that would suit him given that he responded so well in the training session.

I agree with looking into other clubs and having chats with them before hand to suss out how inclusive they are. And the one that fits may not necessarily be one that has lower standards - my dd1 goes to a gymnastics club that regularly has squads compete in national championships and just off the top of my head I can think of three or four disabled children there who all have full access to coaching etc.

I hope you find somewhere more suitable and well done to your ds for doing so well.

play He attends a mainstream music club..but that's about it and his ok there. But his been going for a long while and he is getting bored. So was looking for a sport he can do as he is quite active.

Fair enough, clearly he just needs to find the right coach for his needs. Hope you find the right club for him now you've found the right sport

@youcantgettome unfortunately not, we're near Glasgow and our team is Celtic. Surely some of the big premiership clubs will have inclusive junior training?

I know lots of families who are into football and they play to win. Even from young ages they are very competitive, the coach is a volunteer and he has to look out for the whole team who want to move up their league

We have a new local team advertising themselves as 'football for all' and our club has a training session for kids with autism (who may well be more disabled than your son, and a mixed age range). My experience is that it starts off with a new team being formed, and it all being about learning/development/helping the kids, but the coaches and parents alike quickly get very cutthroat, ruthlessly recruit 'better' players, refuse new recruits except those who are very talented, and often forget about the very kids they started off trying to encourage. It is what it is, competetive sport. But I do think you could ask the club about inclusion, because coaches might benefit. A member on our team had ADHD and the coaches did a pretty good job of adapting training to their needs. Summer soccer schools would be a good start I think.

OP -- can he swim? Our local swimming club is very inclusive (and some of the kids with disabilities compete). They make training a lot of fun for the younger kids and there is less focus on working with others as a team, which might suit your DS.

I don't think it's inherently wrong to have a kids football club that wants to try and win and I say that as a parent of DC who were very average sports players and who never made the A teams at school. Some kids take their training very seriously and want to play to win.

Having a kid in a team who isn't following instructions for whatever reason could be distracting for the other kids and difficult for the coach to manage.

One of my DC was in the D team for football and although they still played lots of football it wasn't too serious at all. He loved it. Now that he is at Uni he still plays in a fun five-a-side team and I like to think that his positive experiences of being in the D team encouraged him to want to carry on playing as an adult.

Ive found school PE departments and sports clubs the least accepting of DSs aspergers. They dont seem to understand his issues or be prepared to find other ways to teach or accept his lack of sporting prowess. IME sports teams are very much like schools, not all are suited to all children.

Ring around your local teams, tell them DS hasnt played before and ask them to be honest about whether theyd be prepared to coach him, let him play matches. Or is there an after school club for football?

Try other sports. Ds always found football and rugby difficult. He loves cricket, athletics (not running), hockey. We also tried canoeing, sailing, cross country, swimming and associated sports, tennis. Youll find something, its just like the other aspects of their lives unfort things just take more time and effort.

OP please look into this www.specialolympicsgb.org.uk and find your nearest club. There are 4 listed for Greater London.

My DS (ASD & MLD) is lucky that his main stream cricket club do include him, but he plays a younger age group than he should as the speed etc is far too much if he was in the correct age group (the league agreed as he is registered as a disabled player with the ECB) and he plays for a disabled team which is a mix from 14 upto 50+.

Whilst it feels like discrimination unfortunately as your DS gets older the actual games for mainstream sport get more competitive, faster and need very quick decision making and concentration.

I would look around (contact your counties FA) for teams that would be more accessible

I think you need to find a club that is either a "just for fun" club or one that is more suited to your son's needs.

My family run a local amateur football club and every single one of the youth coaches is a volunteer, who has given up their time to take the sessions and their money to pay for their coaching certifications (the club does try to subsidise them but since most of the coaches are members they are more than happy to pay for them rather than take much needed funds from the club) but whilst our club is fun, especially for the youth teams, it doesn't mean they aren't competitive because that's the whole point of the game - to play against another team and try to score goals. Since our club has a progression of age groups the sessions often overlaps or are held at the same venue just in different areas, so the little ones see the older kids and want to be just like them and even though we try to keep it non competitive, the kids don't and even our under 8s take it seriously and love playing in the local league/cup competitions so they can win trophies like their older siblings/friends etc. Our Under 9s just participated in a local league cup - each game was 20 minutes, unlimited subs, in a round robin event with a semi final and final held on one day at our local sports club. Our team won and when they went up to collect their trophy you'd have thought they'd won the Champions League, they were so proud of themselves!

In our club every coach is a senior team player who wants to get training experiences - some are the older players in their 40s who are transitioning out of playing into the coaching side and some are the young lads who want to get more of an insight into the game and volunteer to help out. They will all have some sort of coaching qualification (or working towards it) but not all of them will have experience of working with children with SEN and you can't expect someone who has no experience of that to know how to deal with your child.

You might see your child as participating, albeit one activity behind, but what the coach is seeing is a child that needs a lot more time and attention that they just cannot provide and also he knows the other kids and is potentially trying to protect your son from any issues in future. For example, our youth teams do a lot of pair work and groupwork in their drills. The coaches will put them in groups, explain the exercise and then work through the groups to supervise and help them out ... if your son stuggles with language processing, it might mean that anyone in his group has to wait until he has worked out what they are doing, and/or the coach has to spend longer with them to explain it leaving the other kids unsupervised, so over time kids will not want to be in his group due to the hassle it causes and he may start to be excluded or be the kid that's always chosen last etc, and whilst the coach can try and put strategies in place to minimise that, there's only so much you can do with a group of 7yo boys who just want to play football and as far as they are concerned this one child is stopping that.

Our coaches have a variety of different skill based excercises so no two training sessions are ever identical ... they might work on ball control in every session but the specfic drills used change on a weekly basis (and the order can change based on how the session is progressing) so it's not even like they could give you a list of drills in advance so that he could work on his understanding/following of the sesssion, but then they can't spend lots of time explaining in session because they just don't have the time and the other kids are missing out on training time.

Also with such small kids they have to keep the transitions short and sweet - firstly because they want to spend the session training/playing and not explaining more than necessary, but also if they spend too long explaining something then they're liable to lose one or two kids attentions and then they start messing about with the footballs/equipment etc...

It's a shame that football is just for the very able, it should not be that way. In an age where disability discrimination is at the forefront, it's a shame that somethings are lagging behind. There should be more inclusive football groups, ones that are more relaxed and just for fun, thus doesent seem so. Most of the football groups, seem out if reach for those with any SN.

Sorry haven't RTFT but wondered if your DS could just go along to training for now to get him used to it and give him a wider circle of friends? PP are right, some football coaches only care about winning so might be worthwhile finding a 'less aggressive' team and ask them about the possibility?
My DS plays cricket and last season we played a team who had an autistic boy on the team - our coach sat all our boys down, explained to them and told them to be nice to him, he may shout out random stuff (their coach had told our coach what he may do) but don't make any fun of him and also told our bowlers to go easy when he was batting.
Their coach was brilliant with him and his team mates were lovely (and our boys clapped him off the pitch when he finished batting) - there is no reason wny all kids cannot be included in some way.
Disclaimer - there are some fab football coaches out there (even KS2)

Extra-curricular sport is (IME) horribly exclusive and disablist, particularly where boys are concerned. But parents (many on this thread) are absolutely fine with it because it suits their kids. It's not fine IMO, it's shit and it's encouraging a them and us attitude which underpins social interaction which goes way beyond the pitch.

If your son isn't even allowed to train then I think it is discrimination. Don't be put off though - report it and find somewhere else. Football is so good for kids on the spectrum imo. It helps with co-ordination as well as dealing with banter and losing. And getting good at football helps kids socially as they won't be isolated at break times at school.
My ds has asd and hasn't been picked to play for his team yet but trains every week and is getting pretty good (from a starting point of alternating between playing on each side and celebrating own goals!). The coach is properly fa qualified though and a lot of the other 6-7 year old boys there seem harder work for the coach despite being nt!

Guy sounds like a wanker
I don't think term is going help build bridges. The team wasn't right for the OPs son and the coach was up front and honest.

I think that it is right that teams include disabled children but at the same time people have to accept that sport is competitive and sometimes only the best (NT or not) will be included. Not everybody has a right to play for a premier league club.

Hope your son finds a team that suits him soon.

Would he be able to continue if you stayed? I know that's far from ideal but I've had to do that with my DS who has a different sort of additional need because the coaches couldn't take care of him in the event of a problem; that's meant spending all day sitting in the field with my mobile phone in case of a problem - far from great but needs must.

CosyNook - "Not everybody has a right to play for a premier league club."

No, they don't. But we're talking about a non-selective club for 7 year olds FFS.

There are plenty of selective teams for kids. I have no problem with them excluding kids who don't make the grade. But a run of the mill non-selective kids football club should be inclusive for all children, regardless of disability or skill level. That's what equality legislation is about.

Ime as a coach of a junior side.
Your son should be given longer to integrate into the club but depending on coaches per child they simply might not have the capacity long term to help develop players who need extra attention.
The vast majority of clubs i encounter are great clubs and certainly not win at all costs, there are a few out there but soon they start to struggle, try another local club there will be good ones out there willing to help your child develop.