Is DS being excluded because of his disability ?

[youcantgettome]

I hope not.

So my DS has language difficulties and Autism. He is 7. I joined him into our local football training, I was a bit apprehensive because DS hasn't played football ! (Has an odd kick of the ball) and I didn't know how the team would take to him. But anyway I went along with it.

To my surprise, when I took DS to football, he was engaged in the game. He was playing around, kicking the ball or tying to get hold of the ball to kick it. Though, when the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing...so when the coach was shouting at exercises.. DS would process the information and do the instruction but the coach and the others kids have moved on to the next exercises instruction. Ifyswim.

But other than that, I was amazed how DS did in the match...he was throwing the ball appropriately, kicking it, stopping when the players stop it. I was proud as before he would of found these difficult.

But after the session, the coach told me that maybe it would be better for DS to go to a specialist football team (there's hardly any) as its due to his understanding of language or processing of language is slow. Also, he cannot provide the attention DS needs and he has to attend to all the other kids.

I do understand but I felt a bit deflated. DS in my eyes, did excellent as he has never played footie ever ! Plus his social skills difficulties etc... he seemed he did ok. But I don't know, should we look elsewhere ? Should I give up on DS doing football ? I told a friend this and she was shocked and thinks DS was excluded because of his disability ? But I've heard that football is quite competitive so the coaches naturally are ?? Idk.

What do you mumsnetters think ?

Yes clubs should include children with SN on a child by child basis, as all children's needs are different. It is good that the coach in op case gave him a try, mabey instead of saying he could not accommodate him, he could have suggested him trying a younger group first to get his skills up.

Angel you refuse to accept there is any way you can be inclusive in your work. You cite health and safety when there are no hard facts to back up your argument.

That does make you a disablist individual and in contravention of the Equality Act.

I agree Bishop, Angel is incredibly disablist, and is treading on very think ice not even considering a child with SN. It just shows how ignorant she and others like her are, as needs vary, once you have seen one child with ASD you have not see them all! Tbf, even if Angel club was forced under the law to be inclusive, with that attitude, I would give it a wide birth and others like it.

I have no problems with clubs trying out children with SN, and seeing how it goes, and if its not, than admitting they cannot meet his needs; there will be a club out there, whether its mainstream or a disability one that can. but to not even give a child a chance is disgusting, and writing them off as not able to cope with competition is disgraceful.

And also making out that children with SN are a hinderence and liability, instead of an asset to the team, is disgraceful!

Youcant in fairness to your son, if he had been neurotypical and was fresh to football, he might have found it harder, like others have said, some have been playing since they were 5 so have more experience. Even if he were NT, that club might not be the right one for him.

Having just seen Bill on another thred warmly sympathising with someone whose child was excluded from somewhere due to a disability I am even more shocked by them calling us ranty and overreacting for objecting to posts.like this one

*angeldelightedme

why not give a child with a language processing problem more than one session to see if he would be able to manage?

How would that help? his language processing disorder isn't going to disappear is it?*

How would that help? his language processing disorder isn't going to disappear is it?

Wow.

Things become easier with time. Like, going to a yoga class as an NT adult for the first time is difficult! You don't know how to do the poses, you don't know where to get mats from, you don't know the order of the class etc.

The child should have been given a couple of sessions at least to see if he settles in.

Angel that is not what you've said all along, in any way. In fact in most of your posts you've implied that kids with SN shouldn't mix with NT kids because it spoils their fun

umm, where have I said that? I have said if inclusion of a disabled child s it did spoil the fun, compromise the safety or effectiveness of the training session, then I could not include them.And I stand by that. I have a business to run!!
That is not the same as saying I wouldn't accept a child with SN .

Very negative from angel, thank goodness tgere are clubs that are not like this, and make very good effort to be inclusive. I am sure if the child's needs were so great, that they were finding it difficult within a group, the parent would be quite perceptive, and realise that the activity was not right for their child.

you have to make adjustments so the childs needs being met does not affect the others. That's the whole point.

Inclusion is not just inclusion of kids who can act NT and don't need any adjustments made.

you have to make adjustments so the childs needs being met does not affect the others. That's the whole point.

..and sometimes that is possible in which cases I would happily enrol them, in other case there IS no reasonable adjustment which does not negatively impact others.That is all I am, and have always been saying

No your posts were more along these lines

angeldelightedme

Why not go and spend the time and money getting yourself a soccer coaching qualification , sports safeguarding training, dBs and then offer to go and support your son's training at the club for free whilst paying his fees . if you are not as his parent, prepared to do that .then why do you expect other people to?

And that we expected the world to revolve around our kids and were entitled idiots for wanting them to be included.

But dont let that stop you pretending you were reasonable.

That I agree with angel, it depends on the degree of the child's needs, some would thrive more in a specialist team, sometimes the activity is not right for them. In youcant case it sounds as though her son did really well, after a few sessions might have got used to it. He is new to football and the club so of course is going to find the first session harder. Even if we start a new activity, we don't know the people, how the session will be set up, it can be daunting, then when we go a couple of times we get into the swing of things. I don't believe the coach gave her son much of a change, but hopefully she will find a club that will.

that statement from Angel within *LouKort's post was unacceptable and disablist. You are a coach that is what you do, you try and include children with disabilities the best you can. Every child matters, not just the neurotypical ones, where a child is finding it hard, its evident that its not working, than you gently tell the parents, and suggest alternative special needs clubs they could join.

*Why not go and spend the time and money getting yourself a soccer coaching qualification , sports safeguarding training, dBs and then offer to go and support your son's training at the club for free whilst paying his fees . if you are not as his parent, prepared to do that .then why do you expect other people to?
I think that was in response to somebody suggesting that a club should be able to magic up a volunteer to support a child with SN? in fact I think it is a valid response to anyone dictating what a volunteer should do!

And the entitled idiots nonsense? I guess theres a slick justification for that too.

I hear your in london youcant, I have just googled, and here is a list of disability football clubs in london

www.disabilityfootball.co.uk/London.html The big clubs: Such as Tottenham, QPR and Chelsea, have their own disability teams . Much better, aim high.

Isn't it absolutely amazing how parents of DC with SN/disabilities somehow manage to include them as members of our families (even with other children there!) and make adjustments 24/7 without any special training?

Some of the comments on here are clearly disablist and I would personally keep my DC well away from people like angel as quite frankly they don't deserve to have the pleasure of interacting with my fabulous DC. I can safely say it would be their loss as my DC thankfully was welcomed (even with 1-2-1 needs!) to our local groups with open minded and kind volunteers, and picked up by the equivalent of our local Premier League (don't want to out myself!)

Interestingly, all the other DC in the club never saw my DC as a burden or a nuisance or beyond their abilities to deal with, they accepted and included him naturally. They could teach some adults on this thread some things, for sure!

That is fantastic ThisThing, how wonderful for your dc , another door closes for op, another better one will open for her. My friend suggested football for my son who is 5, and has dev delay and speech and language delay, and a couple of the attitudes on here has really put me off, including the op experiences. I don't think he is really into it, and tells me he wants swimming lessons instead phew.

Football is a really mixed bag and unfortunately there are some volunteer coaches with poor attitudes and a poor understanding of the law as well as amazing, inspiring ones. Don't let it put you off football though Aeroflot.

I'm going to try to put this really clearly as some people don't seem to get it. People with SEN or disabilities are part of society. If you are volunteering you need to assume that some of the children will have SEN or disabilities. These children aren't an add-on that it's nice to include - the starting point always needs to be inclusion. The child with the SEN or disability may need more attention than those without. The activity may need to be adapted to include them. Within reason that adjustment needs to take place. The law is there to make sure that happens.

I would hate this thread to put people of volunteering. Most parents of children with SEN or disability will go out of their way to help you to make reasonable adjustments.

And please don't assume that it will be a negative experience for the other children. My DC benefited hugely from learning about diversity through their early years experience, as well as through my work with adults with learning disabilities - at that point we looked like the "perfect" NT, able bodied family. It's stood them in good stead as disability and SEN unexpectedly became part of our family life and a positive about our situation is that they have learnt even more about compassion, mutual support and independence.

T1mum3 - thank you for your articulate and reasoned posts on this thread. And you too Aeroflot. I get very angry and feel quite aggrieved so I'm very appreciate of calm and dispassionate voices explaining my POV so clearly. And it's a good learning point for me (although at my age, I'm not sure I'm ever going to learn how to do it )

very appreciative!

I know T1, at the moment he wants to do swimming, if he wanted to do football I will totally encourage him.

Thanks jiggly we aim to positivity bomb (as opposed to love bombing) the negatives on this thread. Just because there are some up inclusive individuals in football or sport, does not give them the right to dictate who can play and who can't!