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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is DS being excluded because of his disability ?

502 replies

youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 16:30

I hope not.

So my DS has language difficulties and Autism. He is 7. I joined him into our local football training, I was a bit apprehensive because DS hasn't played football ! (Has an odd kick of the ball) and I didn't know how the team would take to him. But anyway I went along with it.

To my surprise, when I took DS to football, he was engaged in the game. He was playing around, kicking the ball or tying to get hold of the ball to kick it. Though, when the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing...so when the coach was shouting at exercises.. DS would process the information and do the instruction but the coach and the others kids have moved on to the next exercises instruction. Ifyswim.

But other than that, I was amazed how DS did in the match...he was throwing the ball appropriately, kicking it, stopping when the players stop it. I was proud as before he would of found these difficult.

But after the session, the coach told me that maybe it would be better for DS to go to a specialist football team (there's hardly any) as its due to his understanding of language or processing of language is slow. Also, he cannot provide the attention DS needs and he has to attend to all the other kids.

I do understand but I felt a bit deflated. DS in my eyes, did excellent as he has never played footie ever ! Plus his social skills difficulties etc... he seemed he did ok. But I don't know, should we look elsewhere ? Should I give up on DS doing football ? I told a friend this and she was shocked and thinks DS was excluded because of his disability ? But I've heard that football is quite competitive so the coaches naturally are ?? Idk.

What do you mumsnetters think ?

OP posts:

EweAreHere · 25/02/2017 16:55

Complain to the Club's Welfare Officer and copy in the FA.

They should be inclusive.

Original poster

youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 16:55

That place sounds great saour !!! Where is it ? Is it in London ?

OP posts:

PlayOnWurtz · 25/02/2017 16:56

He was honest with you, he was clear that he cannot cater to your child's needs because of the amount of other children in the squad and offered a solution. I'm not sure of the problem here.

Original poster

youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 16:57

tinky I assumed soccer schools were even more competitive than local clubs ! But it never crossed my mind to ask them. I'm going to google and look around.

OP posts:

CurlyCallie · 25/02/2017 16:58

OP if you don't mind me asking is he in mainstream school? Because if he's not the school he goes to will probably have an extensive list of extra curricular activities suitable for you DS? I know my sister gets a personalised list from the school and my nephews 121 of outdoor activities that they think he'd enjoy and take part in? If he is mainstream schooled then maybe try to call your local SN school for advise? I'm sure providing they're not busy that they'd be more than happy to help? x

SoupDragon · 25/02/2017 17:00

Were you , or are you, able to offer any suggestions of how your DS might be helped? Would spending time learning the exercises and instructions etc help him respond quicker ?

I think it's very difficult as the coach probably has never had any kind of instruction as to how to cope with a child with autism and they are often just volunteers. If your son can't keep up with the others and there really isn't a way to help fix this, then what is the coach meant to do?

This does not see to be the team for your DS but that doesn't mean there isn't a team for him out there. I would contact a few and be upfront about the issues your DS has and offer suggestions on how to help over come them.

Original poster

youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 17:00

play I understood. But it didn't stop me from feeling deflated as this is the sort of thing that usually happens if kids who have SEN. I won't give up though !

OP posts:

lalalalyra · 25/02/2017 17:01

Also have a look if there are any 'football training' clubs around. My friend's little boy goes to one. They do the usual football training things that most football groups do and they do little matches between each other, but they don't play in a league or anything like that.

Friend's son goes because he goes to his Dad's every other weekend so can't commit to a regular team. The Dad who runs it set it up because his son was "enthusiastic, but not the next Beckham" so they get the fun bits without the competativeness.

Original poster

youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 17:02

curly I moved DS to a specialist language school due to not keeping up with the language demands at his mainstream. So no he is not at mainstream and the school he attends don't really do extra curricular activities...it's more like after school clubs they do.

OP posts:

Mammysboys · 25/02/2017 17:03

OP, out of interest, when was your DS diagnosed with Autism? It could just be the coach feels he wants to give equal attention to all the players during practice? It's not necessarily that he doesn't want to be inclusive.

Original poster

youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 17:04

Soup I was thinking that too ! It would also help DS a lot. The coach told me that he has never coached a child with Autism and he probably thought it was out of his depth. He was really nice though.

OP posts:

Chaotica · 25/02/2017 17:06

That does seem a bit mean if he won't give your DS a chance to get settled. But if so, it does sound like another team would be better (and by the sounds of it, not necessarily a special one, just a more inclusive one). I hope you find something.

Original poster

youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 17:06

lalala that's the exact set up at the one DS went to. But I don't know if they play in league matches or not ? All I know is that the kids can level up and join the proper league kids football team.

OP posts:

Original poster

youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 17:07

mama he was diagnosed at 3.

OP posts:

Mammysboys · 25/02/2017 17:08

Yes, the coach may feel out of his depth. Tbh, I have friends whose kids have ASD and when interacting with them, I do at times feel a bit exasperated, not in a bad way.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 25/02/2017 17:09

You I meant one at somewhere like a soccerdome where they do Saturday morning classes. Or there is something called the Brazilian football school (a franchise I think) where they concentrate on skills.

Original poster

youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 17:11

That probably what is mama.

OP posts:

juneau · 25/02/2017 17:11

Whatever the reason I think you need to ask yourself whether you feel this is the right team for your DS if the coach is making you both unwelcome. Maybe it is competitive, or maybe he feels your DS needs more attention that he can give (due to being in charge of 22 kids or whatever), but finding the right team is important whatever the ability or disability of your DC. I'd look around at the other local teams and see if you can find one with a more relaxed, inclusive ethos.

coffeemachine · 25/02/2017 17:12

I have a 9 year old with ASD/language delay and learning diffs.

In my experience, we are not wanted in any MS group sport that is in the least competitive. My DC loves football but non of the local groups is truly inclusive and SN football doesn't exist. so we don't go.

It is sad and shit but unfortunately this is the world we live in. Disabled = unwanted by the coaches and sneered at by parents of their PFB NT darlings whose football suchess could be compromised by the attendance of my child.

Mammysboys · 25/02/2017 17:13

youcan't well there must be a way around this for your DS, somehow. He really enjoys playing football, keep fighting his corner x

Dallyw · 25/02/2017 17:13

I know the Newcastle United foundation do a lot of charity work involving kids with ASD and other related difficulties. Coaching courses and football skills, confidence building etc. Depending on where you live, it's worth looking at the bigger clubs and seeing if they have similar programmes. It's so hard when you want your child to do what everybody else is doing and they are not able to. Your son did amazingly well getting through the door! He will get there, sounds like he has a great mother on his side

Original poster

youcantgettome · 25/02/2017 17:14

Doubled checked as one of the mums added me on their football chat group. It is a local league team.

OP posts:

Peppapogstillonaloop · 25/02/2017 17:14

I would assume that the coach is a volunteer? its pretty hard to coach a team of 7 year old to play anything resembling a proper football game, I would imagine he felt that he couldn't cope with anything more difficult on top of that. Would there be an option for you to get more involved in helping with the team/coaching to help your DS along?
Otherwise I would just try out all the other teams, you might find a more chilled one or perhaps see if he can train with the year group below? They will likely be a bit more relaxed..

tigerdriverII · 25/02/2017 17:15

I think you'll have to shop around a bit for a club. At that age, matches should be fun and the FA doesn't encourage "win at all costs" but some coaches don't take any notice. If you're in London there should be lots of youth football to choose from

PlayOnWurtz · 25/02/2017 17:16

I fully admit to not understanding autism however if he can't attend mainstream school is he able to attend mainstream clubs?

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