Is DS being excluded because of his disability ?

[youcantgettome]

I hope not.

So my DS has language difficulties and Autism. He is 7. I joined him into our local football training, I was a bit apprehensive because DS hasn't played football ! (Has an odd kick of the ball) and I didn't know how the team would take to him. But anyway I went along with it.

To my surprise, when I took DS to football, he was engaged in the game. He was playing around, kicking the ball or tying to get hold of the ball to kick it. Though, when the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing...so when the coach was shouting at exercises.. DS would process the information and do the instruction but the coach and the others kids have moved on to the next exercises instruction. Ifyswim.

But other than that, I was amazed how DS did in the match...he was throwing the ball appropriately, kicking it, stopping when the players stop it. I was proud as before he would of found these difficult.

But after the session, the coach told me that maybe it would be better for DS to go to a specialist football team (there's hardly any) as its due to his understanding of language or processing of language is slow. Also, he cannot provide the attention DS needs and he has to attend to all the other kids.

I do understand but I felt a bit deflated. DS in my eyes, did excellent as he has never played footie ever ! Plus his social skills difficulties etc... he seemed he did ok. But I don't know, should we look elsewhere ? Should I give up on DS doing football ? I told a friend this and she was shocked and thinks DS was excluded because of his disability ? But I've heard that football is quite competitive so the coaches naturally are ?? Idk.

What do you mumsnetters think ?

Great links Jiggly and I like the line "Overcome your fear of not being able to provide appropriate support and open your coaching up to an incredibly rewarding experience that will push your coaching abilities just that bit further!"

And Bishop, yes. This. Exactly.

The Equality Act allows for preferential treatment to ensure equal opportunity to participate.

Obviously not, but there are more ways of picking things up than by hearing the words like watching what's going on and copying it. What baffles me is why are so many of you just utterly determined that OPs son shouldn't have been given more of a chance?

Apart from the obvious answer of course.

T1Mum they are easy physical adjustments to make which don't really affect anyone else.
Integrating a child into a group drill when they don't understand verbal instructions might render to drill pointless of even dangerous for the others.

What baffles me is why are so many of you just utterly determined that OPs son shouldn't have been given more of a chance?
because we are concerned for the safety and well being of ALL the children not just one!

"Angeldelightedme Sun 26-Feb-17 14:15:01
why not give a child with a language processing problem more than one session to see if he would be able to manage?

How would that help? his language processing disorder isn't going to disappear is it?"

I'm guessing that you are just being deliberately goady and offensive but I'll bite...

Actually, why do we even bother to try to educate people with SN? It's not going to fix them is it. It's not possible that they could learn, or with adjustments to communication style, participate fully. It's not possible that they could be a talented footballer who, once he's learnt how the game works, will be a star of the team, is it?

I should probably just give up on my other son who processes things slower than 90% of the population. The fact that his IQ is higher than 99.9% of the population is irrelevant and his super selective school probably shouldn't provide learning support, because no-one with any SEN can learn anything.

FFS.

Angel - I'm not clear how the OP's son processing things differently has translated into him being a danger to others.

because we are concerned for the safety and well being of ALL the children not just one

And how, pray tell, is allowing a child to attend a football training session more than once affecting the safety of anyone? Stop demonising kids with special needs to cover up for the fact that you don't want "those" kids around yours. So many times in RL and on here I see people trying to be "right on" and inclusive but what they really mean is "only for kids who are "normal"". It's disgusting.

I think the reasonable adjustment here would be to ask clubs if your son can join the younger groups and see how he goes, they should be flexible like that. I guess its like joining stage 3 swimming, and missing stage 1 and 2, he will obviously struggle any child would who is not familiar to football.

It is. It's fucking disgusting. It reminds me of the teacher who told me that my 8 year old was disrupting the others' learning because he had a hypo during a maths test. He got 100% in the test then realised he was going low (concentration can lower blood sugar), blood tested, took glucose and effectively stopped himself from having a seizure/going into a coma. Age 8 and diagnosed 2 months.

But you know, it could have made the other Year 4 children look up from their weekly, internal maths test, so clearly it was a problem for them.

OPs son isn't "not listening", he has a language processing delay, so IMO giving him a few sessions to see if he manages would be the fairest thing to do.

Presumably though, Saor, his disability is not going to "improve" to the point that he is going to eventually be able to process things at the same speed as a NT child, and in football quick reactions and thinking is as important a part of the game as the ball control skills or tactical ability. If the coach has identified that the child is unlikely to be a good fit for this group, for whatever reason, why shouldn't they flag it up early? The OP didn't say that the coach said they should never come back, just that this might not be the most suitable group for her son.

The game is reliant on quick decisions, responding to instructions from the coach given during the flow of play, responding to various calls and shouts from other team members, discussing changes in game plan during short breaks in the game (eg for corners/subs), assessing the placement of the other players and the available spaces you need to be able to process things quickly and keep the game moving. The warm ups and drills being used are going to be centered around improving and honing those particular skills, and whilst they aren't the be all and end all at youth level, there isn't always ways to accommodate someone who needs extended time to do that without slowing everything down - and when ou've got 15 other 7yos to keep focussed on your own, it's not easy - especially when they are used to a quicker pace and may struggle themselves to slow it down enough.

Then there's the safety aspect - if they're doing drills or a game and it's quick moving then there's always potential for injuries from rogue tackles, miskicked balls, badly timed actions etc and if a child can't process quickly enough to respond to a warning call then they're at risk of injury, and when there's only one coach they can't always be on hand to physically intervene to prevent an accident.

The OP admits that she was impressed at how well her son was doing, compared to his abilities, but whilst that is a personal achievement for him, if he's still far behind the others in the group then it's not a good fit - just like if a beginner joined an intermediate class, if they can keep up with half of the class that's a great personal achievement for the individual but for the level of the class it's not up to standard, and in a team sport that is going to start disadvantaging everyone.

That was in reply to Saor.

Just to clarify - I would be happy with any child with any needs participating in the non-contact aspects of my sessions. That's not an issue at all.

But in full contact aspects there ar safety issues that may need to be addressed (in the same way none of the kids are permitted to participate with lack of equipment).

T1mum it's a bitch ain't it? I've spent years resisting the opinion (either open or passive aggressive) that my boys should be hidden away or kept separate. Because that's what the attitudes are saying, "oh let them do what they want as long as it doesn't affect me or my kid". It's shameful.

I've already said that there are ways of picking things up which aren't necessarily verbal, and a couple of sessions would have shown whether OPs son could have caught up or not. I'm not buying the safety aspect at all, it's yet another excuse thought up to justify excluding a child because they have SN.
You can roll a turd in glitter and it's still shite, it's just shiny.

angeldelighted - have a look at the link I provided. Have a read of the factsheet.

People have also made a number of suggestions on this thread of how the coach could work with the OP's DS. Obviously they require a bit of effort but that's the reasonable adjustment bit of the law.

"..., his disability is not going to "improve" to the point that he is going to eventually be able to process things at the same speed as a NT child.."

How do you know that ?

DS disability is not static. It's very common in children - especially with significant speech and language difficulties to have issues with language processing. Once the speech and language needs improved it's thought that the language processing will improve too. Unless h has auditory processing disorder which is another thread.

I do agree Soar there has to be a compromise, its not all or nothing. I believe op son should be able to join a younger group first. That's what we did with our daughter, and she loves it as its less pressurised. We have joined a different dance school, which does not place emphasis on exams and competitions, it is very relaxed. There is a group out there for your son, who will welcome him with open arms.

Aero thank you ! The football club DD went to don't offer football sessions for under 7's so they only cater to 6+. But I'll definitely look into it too ! Sigh I've got loads of research to do .

That's the point most of us are trying to no avail to make. That it's not all or nothing, but it is not unreasonable to expect a child with SN to be given a little leeway in order to see if they will manage with something or not.
It's the people saying "well it's not fair on the NT kids" or "kids with SN can't join in with those groups" that infuriate and devastate me in equal measure.

Right.
So it's normal practise to send all new members of kids football teams straight into full contact tackles, is it?

Sounds like a safety issue in itself, tbh.

If no then there is time to build skills leading up to that part of the game using drills etc, just as all kids learn that way.

Autism doesn't mean they can't learn. They just learn differently.

Therefore I cannot see the h&s concerns. Just looks like dressed up prejudice.

Ironic isn't it, that it has to be dressed up at all. It's like they know it's wrong!

Bishop - I do rugby not football. And of course it's not usual practice: but if a child joins wanting to play full contact I have to consider whether that would be possible

Please be aware sports coaches at this level are volunteers and usually parents.

If the running of the team is perceived to be a more onerous task than originally envisaged it is easier for them to withdraw from volunteering altogether and the team folds.

I would suggest looking for specialist teams. Friends son has a mild form of CP and plays in a team with kids who have a number of different disabilities and with children on the autistic spectrum.

As kids go up through the age groups it only becomes more competitive.

I think what I find most disheartening about this thread is that most posters with NT children cannot conceive that NT children could benefit in any way from taking part in sports (or presumably any other activity) with disabled children. That all they are is a big drain on the coach's time and space, snatching away the attention from the normal kids who really deserve it.

God it's depressing

Allthebest - read the thread! The duties and responsibilities of volunteer coaches have been fairly thoroughly explained and hashed out here.