Is DS being excluded because of his disability ?

[youcantgettome]

I hope not.

So my DS has language difficulties and Autism. He is 7. I joined him into our local football training, I was a bit apprehensive because DS hasn't played football ! (Has an odd kick of the ball) and I didn't know how the team would take to him. But anyway I went along with it.

To my surprise, when I took DS to football, he was engaged in the game. He was playing around, kicking the ball or tying to get hold of the ball to kick it. Though, when the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing...so when the coach was shouting at exercises.. DS would process the information and do the instruction but the coach and the others kids have moved on to the next exercises instruction. Ifyswim.

But other than that, I was amazed how DS did in the match...he was throwing the ball appropriately, kicking it, stopping when the players stop it. I was proud as before he would of found these difficult.

But after the session, the coach told me that maybe it would be better for DS to go to a specialist football team (there's hardly any) as its due to his understanding of language or processing of language is slow. Also, he cannot provide the attention DS needs and he has to attend to all the other kids.

I do understand but I felt a bit deflated. DS in my eyes, did excellent as he has never played footie ever ! Plus his social skills difficulties etc... he seemed he did ok. But I don't know, should we look elsewhere ? Should I give up on DS doing football ? I told a friend this and she was shocked and thinks DS was excluded because of his disability ? But I've heard that football is quite competitive so the coaches naturally are ?? Idk.

What do you mumsnetters think ?

Jiggly - please don't assume that's the case for all. As I said earlier my DD doesn't play the sport I coached.

most posters with NT children cannot conceive that NT children could benefit in any way from taking part in sports (or presumably any other activity) with disabled children

I don't doubt that they could learn something from disabled children.But not football which is what they are paying to learn.

I didn't mean you, Jacques :)

And why people keep repeatedly saying that the clubs will close down if they comply with equality legislation is mystifying. Why would I care if a club that excludes my child closes down?

Thanks 😊

I think what I find most disheartening about this thread is that most posters with NT children cannot conceive that NT children could benefit in any way from taking part in sports (or presumably any other activity) with disabled children. That all they are is a big drain on the coach's time and space, snatching away the attention from the normal kids who really deserve it

This, by the bucketload.

Angel are you serious? The mind boggles at someone so blatantly disablist, repeatedly and determinedly even after several hours of explanation.

"And why people keep repeatedly saying that the clubs will close down if they comply with equality legislation is mystifying. Why would I care if a club that excludes my child closes down? confused"

So you don't care about provision for other people's children, essentially. If your child can't participate then nobody else should be able to access the club either? Do you really think the world would be a better place if all the volunteer run clubs of various types just gave up?

Take the contact rugby for example. It's pretty clear that requires the children to be listening carefully, paying attention and following instructions for their own safety. If you have a limited number of coaches and a child who due to their SEN cannot do that then what should they do? The sport they are playing at the level they are playing it involves contact. Making it accessible would, most likely, require the whole team to stop playing contact which would fundamentally change the nature of the club. That's not reasonable.

As an adult with autism I have to be realistic about what adjustments I can expect other people to make for me, and about what I can and can't do. Just because I can't do something doesn't mean I don't care if it ceases to be available to other people.

angel you are extremely disablist, so you think children with SN should not do any sport and should be hidden away, to let the 'normal' children get on with it! Not a very nice attitude, there are sports clubs that do include children with disabilities thank goodness, whilst this club may not be the right one for the op son, there will be another that is. Mabey he can join a younger group so he gets used to it and the fundamentals, and they get to know him. Have you watched the Paralympics Angel, what an awsome and inspiring team of adults with disabilities, they did us proud; on the American team, there was a swimmer who had ASD. Sorry your attitude sucks big time!

Sport is for everyone, not just the 'normal' or neurotypical. Op contact your local council, they might recommend clubs that they help run, that will be more inclusive.

I'm struggling to empathise with the parents of nt children on here who are saying why should their children miss out because children with sen can't go. If there was a club local to me that only white children were able to attend I wouldn't WANT my child to go despite the fact they are white.

youcan your son might make an awsome footballer one day, with the right environment and support. What those amazing Paralympians have taught us, is to never give up, fight for what you want, and that is what you and your son must do. Don't take no for an answer, go out there and give it your best. Your son certainly did, and did you proud. People without kids with SN will never really understand your feelings of seeing your son play on that day. He may have not been as able as the others, but he worked far harder as he has his disabilities to contend with as well, which they don't have. For him to do that on the pitch, took a tremendous effort.

Ds1 is trapped in the long old assessment process but plays football and has done so for nearly 3 years now. He's signed for the team so plays only for the club he trains with (apart from school matches). I nearly took him out and to another club (several in our town) as there was an issue with changing coaches and new coach not really getting ds1. But given there are others in his team with adhd/asd and vision impairment, we stuck it out and got used to the new coach. The team has come on so much in the last year and thankfully our coach isn't outwardly competitive. Don't get me wrong, we love winning. But the ethos drummed right through our club is to play a fair, clean game.

Go to the fa website and search for junior teams in your area/grass roots football. There will be a team for your child and it might not have to be a specialist team, just one with an understanding coach. While he's still young your son will easily pick up the training routines with or without a language processing disorder. And once he's done it a few times, he will know what to expect. But the key is finding the right team.

There are a few professional footballers who either have SEN or it has been speculated about. Beckham and Rooney have both spoken about OCD/sensory processing issues and Tim Howard has spoken publicly about having Tourettes syndrome. Good job someone was prepared to coach them eh?
If barriers were removed I'm sure you would see a lot more people with sen excelling at sport. It's generally something that requires an intense interest and hours of practice which is something that comes quite naturally to people on the spectrum for eg.

Hi OP,

Your thread has made me very sad. I have two boys with SN and frankly not one club I have tried worked. Teachers whether volunteers or not lack the skills to teach differently if a child needs it. We joined a local charity who address this by offering inclusive sports or sports teams...a whole charity dedicated to inclusion. Great and sad.

Instead of local teams you might try local leisure centres. Our local indoor football centre has an inclusive team (run by aforementioned charity but the centre also promote it). You might have more joy the there. It shouldn't be this way but there it is.

My former neighbour was a volunteer football coach. I can therefore confirm that giving up your time to a good cause and being a 'pillar of the community' does not exempt you from being unkind, I'll informed or just an ass.

There are a few professional footballers who either have SEN or it has been speculated about. Beckham and Rooney have both spoken about OCD/sensory processing issues and Tim Howard has spoken publicly about having Tourettes syndrome. Good job someone was prepared to coach them eh?

Yes but their disabilities didn't effect their ability to play the game.

The OPs son has never played football before and struggled to follow instruction.."the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing" The coach admitted he couldn't meet his needs.

I think some people are wanting something thats not going to happen.

i think some people are wanting something thats not going to happen.

some children need more time to learn, doesn't mean a child with SN is unable to learn.

overall a very depressing and largely disablist thread but that is the way it seems to be going more and more here in MN but I come across this attitude also more and more in RL (one severely disabled child). I think most people have no idea what life is like for families like us. Our children get excluded and so do we as parents. We (me and my family) are indeed largely isolated but hey, at least we don't inconvenience 'normal' families and their previous NT little darlings.

Or They may have had supportive nurturing clubs, that makes all the difference. Op son is only young, his disabilities might improve as he gets older. What's not going to happen, op son finds a suitable football club! There are clubs out there, don't be so anti Cosy, football is for everyone, not just the 'normals'.

Statistically - I'm talking about levelling the playing field (ho ho). I don't want children put in danger but equally I want reasonable adjustments.

There are some things where perhaps there are no way reasonable adjustments can be made. But equally, there are a lot of very stupid people when it comes to disability and their starting attitude is 'can't' rather than 'can'. A friend of mine was asked how a deaf football team can play football when they can't see the ball. Seriously.

But no, I don't really care about clubs who won't even try to see if they can adapt the way they work to be inclusive rather than a flat out no. In the same way as I wouldn't care about a club which excluded black people. I don't want funding going to clubs that practice disablism.

The OPs son has never played football before and struggled to follow instruction.."the coach was giving out instructions he found it hard to follow, didn't really join in the warm-up as he has slow language processing" The coach admitted he couldn't meet his needs

And Beckham and Rooney kicked a ball and were world class the first time they tried were they?

I saw on TV, it was on the Paralympics, a blind football team , a blind football team playing football, they should stay at home and hide, the pitch is not for them. Don't be daft, they were excellent. The ball had a jingly sound in it, so the players could hear where it was.

Its just getting disablist now, I understand that this club was not right, clubs are run by volunteers who may have little experience of SN etc, but to say that people with SN cannot do a sport is disgusting and disablist, and dress it up as a safety issue . How come there are football clubs that are inclusive as we have heard from posters on here, and there are cubs for children and people with disabilities, surely that is dangerous, they should not be on the pitch, but at home watching TV!

Yes but the blind footballers would be unable to have an enjoyable competitive game with non blind footballers would they? All people are suggesting is that the OP seeks out a team more suited to her DS's needs.

No they woulden't but they were still playing football. Which she is going to do, there is a team out there somewhere for her son.

I agree Aero, it's the implication that any child with SN shouldn't be involved with the NT kids because it's dangerous or spoils the NT kids' fun. All dressed up with passive aggressive "I'm not disablist.....but" type comments, phrased in a way so they don't break talk guidelines but insidious all the same.
I'm going to bow out for a bit, my head is bursting with the shit I've read on here today.
Parting shot, if you have a problem with my sons and their dx, then it's your fucking problem, not mine and certainly not theirs. Feel free to take your prejudice and your nasty little comments and shove them as far up your arse as they'll go.

at least we don't inconvenience 'normal' families and their previous NT little darlings.

I assume you mean precious little darlings. What a horrible way to speak about children.

It is sad Saor, it can and does work, and there are examples on here. This club did not, but hopefully there will be one for op son somewhere.