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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About getting a puppy?

98 replies

FabulousUsername · 25/02/2017 16:02

DH has agreed to buy an adorable puppy. I have said that at this time I don't feel I can commit the time and energy that a puppy needs. He won't hear me on this...we both work more or less full time.

My heart heaves when I think of bringing an innocent animal into this antagonistic relationship. I think he thinks when I see it I will go part time at work to look after it. He won't discuss logistics. I'm saying, just don't get one now. AIBU?

OP posts:

Blackfellpony · 25/02/2017 16:05

I'm with you on this.

No way would I take on a puppy if I worked full time. They shouldn't be left more than a few hours

Imamouseduh · 25/02/2017 16:05

No. If you both work full time you can't have a puppy, full stop.

Oysterbabe · 25/02/2017 16:06

Yanbu.
How many hours are you out of the house? Can you put it in doggy day care? Can you explain to him that it needs to be a joint decision and you're saying no?

Topseyt · 25/02/2017 16:09

As a dog owner, no, you are not being in the slightest bit unreasonable. Your DH is.

Dogs are sociable creatures. They need time and attention, not to be left alone all day, and if they are then that is when problems usually occur (destruction, noise, soiling in the house). It is also how so many dogs end up needing rehomed, put into rescue centres or, even worse, put to sleep.

Your DH is potentially being utterly irresponsible.

CornflakeHomunculus · 25/02/2017 16:11

YANBU.

A puppy simply isn't feasible with both of you working full time and no reputable breeder or rescue would allow a puppy to go into such a situation.

(Any links appearing in this post other than those marked as my own have been inserted automatically by advertising software and may link to companies or products I would neither support nor recommend.)

rightsaidfrederickII · 25/02/2017 16:12

YANBU.

I work full time, as does DP, and while we would both dearly love a dog we know it wouldn't be fair on the animal, so we don't. We have a small, caged, nocturnal pet instead, whose needs we can actually meet.

Put it this way: if a rescue centre won't rehome a puppy to you with your circumstances, then you shouldn't be buying one from any source.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/02/2017 16:14

Why does he want you to go part time? Control?

He sounds like an arsehole who lacks empathy.

Original poster

FabulousUsername · 25/02/2017 16:14

I might like a puppy in the future but not while I've got a big project on over the next few months. Glad I'm not BU. So furious with him now. He didn't say if he would stay home with it. I'm fed up with being taken for granted and it isn't fair on the poor dog if I do it resentfully.

OP posts:

Original poster

FabulousUsername · 25/02/2017 16:20

Yes MrsTerry I'm wondering if it's a control thing, going to talk to him about it now, as in, how did you see this puppy thing working? For the record, we have two cats and I feel guilty enough about leaving them but I make a big fuss with them morning and evening plus set up toys/playthings for them before I leave.

OP posts:

DaffodilTime · 25/02/2017 16:21

YANBU- what a nightmare. I would be calm and reasonable and just ask in a very normal voice who would look after it all day ? I'm assuming neither of you are in jobs where you can take it to work? He sounds on another planet if he hasn't considered this

Secretsquirrel252 · 25/02/2017 16:25

You need to make him hear you.

Why do you think he expects you to go part time? Do you think he's planning on getting a puppy partly to push you into going part time?

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/02/2017 16:26

I'm a big fan of older, maybe disabled, dogs who need homes but maybe not someone home all day. Talking to shelters about the actual needs of the dog and home... But I don't think this is what your situation is about.

SerialCerealKiller · 25/02/2017 16:29

Yanbu. Have you given a firm 'no' rather than an 'I'd rather not, I'm not too sure' etc?

Shambolical1 · 25/02/2017 16:29

No reputable, sensible dog breeder will let you have a pup knowing that you both work full-time and one of you isn't convinced about it.

Therefore any pup you do get will be a 'money pup', puppy farmed and/or imported illegally from Ireland or eastern europe or will be a second or third hand Gumtree special, spending the first few weeks of its life being passed around from uncaring pillar to oblivious post.

These pups are virtually guaranteed to be burdened with some sort of health or temperament problem which will then become your problem.

All-day isolation is stressful to the point of cruelty to a pup which has not asked to be a part of any of this. Even being away from home only part-time is not really good enough. This results in all sorts of issues...

The pup will suffer, your house will suffer, your bank balance will almost certainly suffer.

Just: no.

Trainspotting1984 · 25/02/2017 16:33

Tbh whether or not you're being unreasonable it doesn't sound like he's involving you anyway, so how do you think you can stop him?

Original poster

FabulousUsername · 25/02/2017 16:33

I gave a firm 'I'm not getting a puppy'. This morning when he wanted to go see it, I had no intention of him convincing me. Tbh I'm more a cat person anyway.
Going to talk to him now.

OP posts:

Giddyaunt18 · 25/02/2017 17:18

No way should you get the puppy. For a start you can't give it what it needs right now and also there are so many dogs that need rescuing without fuelling the puppy industry!

Wolfiefan · 25/02/2017 17:22

I have a nearly 22 weeks old. To start with she would chew things she shouldn't, wee in fear, eat her bed, pant and cry if I left her for long enough to have a wee!
She didn't sleep through the night and I slept on the kitchen floor for three weeks.
We had to watch her constantly to look for signs she needed a wee.
The teething. Good lord the teething.
Training.
She's a giant breed so on five meals a day!
Ask him how he's going to manage all that if he's working. Is he going to take a sabbatical?!?!

Hoppinggreen · 25/02/2017 17:59

I haven't reallly worked since we got our pup ( I'm SE) but even so it was very hard work and we still used doggy daycare sometimes.
I start a new contract on Monday and one of the things I have had to take into account when choosing what to do was the dog.
Puppies are only adorable because they are total arseholes and if they weren't extremely cute we wouldn't bother!!!

pilates · 25/02/2017 18:05

YANBU

It makes me mad when I hear how irresponsible some people are when it comes to having pets

Gingerbreadmam · 25/02/2017 18:13

i had almost 4 months off with our pup then did a phased return for a month. he needed it. once back at work full time we paid and still do a family member to go in and check on him let him out etc half way through his day. luckily dp also does some short days.

they are very hard work and very expensive. ours costs us around 150 - 200 a month minimum.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 25/02/2017 18:13

I agree with you. No one loves puppies more than me. However I don't have the life style for one. I just like cuddling and cooing at them, and giving them back

nigelforgotthepassword · 25/02/2017 18:21

Puppy's are harder work than babies at first.If you work full time you will
Need to its pride a lot of its care as they can't be left.
I knew this and was still surprised by how much hard work it was.
And if your relationship isn't good anyway this won't help.YANBU

nigelforgotthepassword · 25/02/2017 18:23

Pride what? Outsource a lot of its care that was meant to say!

Original poster

FabulousUsername · 25/02/2017 18:23

I love puppies too. And these are adorable, mixed breed so not sure how big, good home, mother with them. I just asked him how he saw it working-- his response? Why don't you just enjoy things... So, he'll be blaming me for being a B&&tch and asking for details. He's sulking now but I'm not giving false hope. Feels mean, I'd like a puppy but not in these circumstances.

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