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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About getting a puppy?

98 replies

FabulousUsername · 25/02/2017 16:02

DH has agreed to buy an adorable puppy. I have said that at this time I don't feel I can commit the time and energy that a puppy needs. He won't hear me on this...we both work more or less full time.

My heart heaves when I think of bringing an innocent animal into this antagonistic relationship. I think he thinks when I see it I will go part time at work to look after it. He won't discuss logistics. I'm saying, just don't get one now. AIBU?

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 25/02/2017 18:31

How can you enjoy potentially causing cruelty to a little animal?

DP loves dogs and would love a dog, but we both work full time and right now we can't in all consciousness get a dog to leave locked and alone for twelve hours a day, its cruel.

We will at some point get a dog in the future when one or both of us are available to care for it properly.

TwitterQueen1 · 25/02/2017 18:38

Stick to your guns op. Your dh is being ridiculous to even imagine this is feasible. It would be so unkind to the pup.

Wolfiefan · 25/02/2017 18:38

Why don't you just enjoy things?
Response? So you will be looking after the puppy and doing all training and cleaning up?!

2bluestars · 25/02/2017 18:42

God yanbu, that's a life you're talking about, not a toy. Stick to your guns. And don't worry about feeling mean, imagine how mean you'd feel when it doesn't work out.

44PumpLane · 25/02/2017 18:43

You need to say to him that you are not willing, or able, to care for a puppy at this time. Therefore if he wants one he has to commit to walking the puppy twice a day, feeding three times a day, toilet training, and all doggy care and socialisation.

Wrote this down, sign it and date it- keep a copy for yourself and make him sign it too so he can't say you never told him.

That way if he carries on he can't claim you said you would help.

He's being cruel if he thinks he can just leave a puppy home all day.

Jayfee · 25/02/2017 18:43

You should not get a puppy if you are at work all day. It is cruel. When I was younger, I did that because I had never had a dog and didn't know how much they need company. And a puppy will chew and eat sofas, rugs,shoes. So if he is prepared to arrange dog sitters, walk the puppy, train the puppy, clean up poo and repair, replace or clean anything the puppy ruins, you might consider it. Puppies are often unconsciously bought as child substitutes..is dh getting broody?

Topseyt · 25/02/2017 18:48

His response is wrong. Far too flippant and casual.

Puppies far more attention than older and more settled dogs. They need house-training, they are teething and will chew absolutely everything. They are destructive little fuckers and need watched like a hawk.

I had my labrador from a puppy. I adored him and still do (he is 12 now, so an old man). He was bloody hard work at that age though and we couldn't have considered it really if I hadn't been a SAHM at the time.

I do work now, but I am only out of the house for at most four hours in the mornings, and as a settled and laid back old fella now he is fine and just sleeps. We go for a walk in the afternoon once I am back and have had lunch (which he still likes to try and snaffle).

If you are both working full time then no, do not take on a lively and needy puppy. Not fair on anyone.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 25/02/2017 19:35

Both my partner and I work full time and we have a 5 month old puppy. However, the ONLY reason we are able to do this is because we live on the country estate where I work. Meaning I can come back every lunch time, see her, walk her and socialise with her. YANBU for knowing your circumstances don't lend themselves to a dog. Yes puppies are cute but it is so easy to underestimate what hard work they are. If he really wants a dog though, a great compromise is borrowmydoggy.com 😊

Cherrysoup · 25/02/2017 19:39

It would be very cruel to get a pup. Mine are never left more than 4 hours and they're adults. We would not have got them had this not been possible and we timed getting a puppy for the summer holidays.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/02/2017 19:39

Honest;y he sound like my 6 yo. I WANNA PUPPY! With no thought of walking, feeding, socializing, training...

Libitina · 25/02/2017 19:46

If he's that keen, why doesn't he go part time instead?

altiara · 25/02/2017 19:54

No way, don't do it! Not working full time.
I work part time and when I got my puppy I worked from home, then worked from home in the mornings or afternoons and was back before the school run, then was able to leave him for longer and have a dog walker. And that's with being part time school hours. I also go into work an hour late as I don't want to leave the dog for too long so it's affected my work.
Agree with what everyone says about peeing, socialisation, chewing the house up! Mine even chewed the walls!
Remind him they need to be taken out every half hour for toilet training and a child is actually easier Wink

HumpMeBogart · 25/02/2017 20:03

Do you know anyone who has a puppy? Friends of friends, etc? If so, could you puppy-sit for them (perhaps in their own home)? DH needs to see first-hand how much work they are.
(I'm a cat person and recently adopted two kittens. I've had cats my whole life and thought I knew a lot - was gobsmacked by how much attention they need and how much energy they have - and that's without the training and walking that puppies need!)

Trakhener · 25/02/2017 20:12

Do not get a puppy! I work 5 hours a day and dh works from home so our two have company 99% of the time. As was said before, they need a lot of attention and socialising with other dogs for company with someone that speaks their own language. One puppy on it's own for hours on end is unacceptable Angry

Gingerbreadmam · 25/02/2017 20:35

another thing to think about depending on breed is what you would do when you wanted a holiday.

our dog is a small breed who sits on our laps on a night etc. he is so small we cant really kennel him. we have one member of family who is willing to have a couple of nights sleep over if we want a break. other than that he comes everywhere with us. no holidays abroad for us for a lonnnggg time.

PennyPickle · 25/02/2017 20:48

Puppies need lots of stimulation, socialisation and human company. Would your DH leave a baby alone all day? Thought not! Why on Earth do people think they can leave a puppy all day to their own devices without suffering the consequences? Tell your DH he is a twat who needs to grow up!

Mari50 · 25/02/2017 20:51

If you both work full time yab massively u to get a puppy. My neighbours have done this, as a result
I have an aggressive poorly socialised dog living next door who barks at every shadow that passes their window. Do not do this.

alitee36 · 25/02/2017 21:10

Leaving a dog alone for hours is like leaving a young child alone. They are intelligent animals and need company, stimulation etc. They will be desperately unhappy being left alone for an hour, let alone all day. I would love to have a dog but would never get one as I work full-time and doggy daycare costs a fortune! He is being massively unreasonable to even consider it. Hope he listens to you OP and doesn't try to go ahead against your wishes.

user1471545174 · 25/02/2017 22:14

Apart from the cruelty, lone puppies bark and cry all day long.

I was seriously hoping our neighbours would get burgled when their dog was young, it never stopped howling.

It makes me so angry.

Original poster
FabulousUsername · 27/02/2017 01:57

I feel devastated. He's getting the puppy no matter what. We went to see it today and very cute, nice mother, etc but I just feel like rugs been pulled out from under me. There are good friends to look after her during the day and he says all will be fine. Perhaps it will be. But the puppy place really smelled bad and we have carpets throughout. I don't want a crate in the kitchen. Where will the cats food go. As lovely as the puppy is I have an overwhelming feeling of not wanting it for the hassle and logistics.

We have the option of him keeping the puppy in a second house nearby which we own. It's more suitable for dogs and other dog owners live next door. His work is flexible and he can work from home. TBH if he moved out altogether and we lived separately I'd be delighted. It would basically be the end of our relationship I guess but maybe we could do a temporary separation.

It's not what I wanted though! We had another dog before, much loved family pet, who died last summer of old age. So we do know what it's like, when she was a puppy I worked nearby plus we had two young children so she got attention. If we had ever got another one I'd have liked to dream about it and plan for it. But I don't feel I'm in the right mindset.

I think perhaps it's just that he is a dog person and I'm not. I got my two kittens, but I'd planned it and even though I guess it looked like I just went out and came back with kittens he knew I was planning getting them and I do everything for them, litter box each day and vet visit s etc so it didn't really change his lifestyle.

I'm feeling like it's a bad dream. What a shame, I should be excited about a lovely puppy.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 27/02/2017 02:30

You sound unhappy in this relationship. Is this much more than the dog?

CanuckBC · 27/02/2017 02:44

That is very wrong on his part. Both people should be on board with a puppy as it's white undertaking. I currently have a 3 month old husky mix and she is a handful. She was much wanted and is very loved. She is a lot of work! She has huge separation anxiety where I can't leave the room without her freaking out. My boys 8 & 10 just won't do. She is lovely, but hard to potty train, fairly active and loves chasing our 4 cats🤣

I am retired so she spends all her time with me. Into the van for school pickup and drop off. It wouldn't work with me working. She would go nuts and would drive the tenants and neighbors crazy!

It sounds like he has no respect for you. I am sorry this is happening. It does sounds like there may be other issues?

Original poster
FabulousUsername · 27/02/2017 02:51

Yes MrsTerry I've been sidelining the issues but a new puppy is such a commitment that I can't pretend it's ok.

Also he's decided to replace my car with a much more expensive new one. I should be excited about that too evidently but I'm just worried I'll scratch it. There was no discussion because he did all the research and shouted me down when I said I'd rather have a second hand cheaper one. I know this was just about the puppy but It's been a cr@p weekend altogether.

Now I can't sleep and I've got work tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
FabulousUsername · 27/02/2017 02:55

Canuck that's how I would have imagined myself being with the next dog. Puppy is delightful but right now it has 8 siblings, a mother and another grown up dog. To go to being alone is such a big step for a dog and I don't think H has the empathy. Or I might be wrong and pup will be fine...

OP posts:
pilates · 27/02/2017 08:44

Feel sorry for you op, your DH sounds like a bully.