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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask friend to childproof her house

346 replies

Jakarty · 25/02/2017 05:51

Best friend is 30. Never married, no kids ando lives on her own. Her flat is absolutely gorgeous- beautiful furniture, fancy candles, ornaments, lamps.

Problem: I pop over about once a week (she also comes to mine) with 2.5yo DD. DD naturally goes to pick up items out on display. DF never gets annoyed or tells her off but I can feel her tensing whenever DD touches a candle or ornament and I feel constantly on edge in case she breaks something! Plus there is also the choking hazard which I don't think she has considered. Also she had one of those adult colouring books which DD spotted the other day and wanted to use. Friend said no as it's 'for adults ' and DD had a massive tantrum! She can't understand why a colouring book is not for her.

I was thinking that I could ask her if she can just put all these things away if we are coming over so that a) her things don't get ruined and b) DD is safe and happy and I can relax with my coffee. Is that U? It's only for a few hours once a week.
Friend is lovely in other ways, not usually inconsiderate Confused

OP posts:
SaorAlbaGuBrath · 25/02/2017 14:17

It's not you, because you realised and changed it. PFB twats are the ones who see all the comments and still argue their point because they're the only people ever to have bred and we should all bow down Grin

ShowMePotatoSalad · 25/02/2017 14:18

Aww can we all agree Jakarty is lovely?

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 25/02/2017 14:20

Yes! I second it Smile

MaroonPencil · 25/02/2017 14:23

Saor I wrote instructions for my mum too!

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 25/02/2017 14:25

MaroonPencil thank you! I'm still mortified ten years later, and my dad still takes the piss Grin

opinionatedfreak · 25/02/2017 14:29

Good on you OP for coming back.

I could be your friend except I'm older and the kids I entertain now are mostly pre-occupied with getting my wifi code!

I didn't childproof my house when they were younger but I was aware that none of the stuff at kid height was dangerous it was just going to get messy if pulled over eg. Plants. Onky one person ever suggested I move things and I'm afraid I laughed and left the offending object (it was my DVD player) where it was. They came back to visits again so feelings obviously weren't too injured.

The only thing I did was grow a toy box. It started out with some of my siblings and I's stuff salvaged from my parents attic - a brio railway, a fisher price telephone and some books. I added some jigsaws and over the years various other toys have been contributed, it takes up an ikea Expedit storage box and all the kids who visit (even the cool, tablet obsessed 10year old) tend to get the train set out when they are here. In fact the train set is often in the process of being built before their parents and I even make it into the living room.

If you see your friend this regularly why not give her the beginnings of such a box. Contents don't need to be expensive (ebay or charity shop) and it might make your life easier over the years to come.....

Ps: oh and a set of ikea kids plates, cups and cutlery was a very useful gift from one friend! It can be played with as a tea set and used to eat from!

MiddleClassProblem · 25/02/2017 14:48

Great post, OP! x

Soubriquet · 25/02/2017 16:06

Well done OP

It's so easy to fall in the trap...

I wrote instructions on how to make formula.....for my MIL!! Poor dh liked embarrassed. She took it well actually. About the only time she ever did

BlondeBecky1983 · 25/02/2017 16:12

YABVVU

Ilovewillow · 25/02/2017 16:13

We've all done it you are not alone!!

BlondeBecky1983 · 25/02/2017 16:13

But I just read your last message and now you are being reasonable! Smile

treaclesoda · 25/02/2017 16:44

Aw, OP, I just read your update.

Believe me, we've all had pfb moments slip through Smile

Glossolalia · 25/02/2017 17:10

Flowers for you, OP.

I think everyone has PFB moments, try as they must to avoid them.

kali110 · 25/02/2017 18:06

Sounds like you have a nice friend too op Smile

Jux · 25/02/2017 18:27

It's so easy to do that PFB thing; I remember writing a 3 page document for MIL just on how to place the blankets when she was having dd for the night once. 3 pages!!!! Blush

LumelaMme · 25/02/2017 18:28

Well done, OP.

In your first post you sounded like my bloody SIL, who let her toddler run amuck in my flat, chucking CDs all over the floor, and told me I should have moved them.

But you're not! You're much nicer.

Dizzywhore · 25/02/2017 18:34

Just say to your friend you'll only go child free or can she come to yours instead. It's not worth the stress in my eyes!
Don't really see why your friend doesn't have the sense to just move stuff she doesn't want broken it's not rocket science, she's 2! Even if she doesn't have children it's really not hard to work it out. Plus your her friend and it's making your visits really stressful.
Yes yes I know her home she's doesn't have kids of course it won't be child friendly but wouldn't take 5 minutes to move a few bits would it!

EmpressOfTheSpartacusOceans · 25/02/2017 18:37

Well played, Jakarty!

Star
CeCeBloomer · 25/02/2017 19:12

I just avoid friends houses that are a nightmare to manage dd in loads of glass ornaments etc, just no fun trying to keep her/house safe - I either invite people over to me, go somewhere I can keep dd entertained too (ie anywhere with cake/ice cream) r just wait until Dh can have her so I can see friends child free

Original poster
Jakarty · 25/02/2017 21:04

Ah thanks guys, you've made me feel much better. I've just invited friend out for dinner and drinks next week- she really is lovely!

I'm snorting at the 3 page document for a MIL on folding blankets! Grin

OP posts:
FuckYouDailyMail · 25/02/2017 21:31

Nice recovery OP! Have some Flowers rather than a Biscuit

EurusHolmesViolin · 25/02/2017 21:38

I taught my dd not to touch certain things from when she started moving around (tiny living room has kitchen in it so had to be on the ball with oven etc). It was hard work as littledinaco said but from around 20 months if I said don't touch, she wouldn't. She's 2.5 now and still if I say no she won't touch! It's called parenting!

No, it's called luck. It's nothing you've done that's meant you happened to get a child who that approach works for. That's just how your kid came out.

The problem is, as a lot of people have pointed out, is that some toddlers are an effing nuisance and simply can't be around certain things (I have some sympathy with expat's view about how awful they are, and I currently have one...). So the choices are that either they're kept away from things that are valuable or they break those things.

It's ok for your friend to keep the stuff out, as long as she understands that the consequence of this may be you not coming round at least for a while, and doesn't complain about it. If you have a toddler who will not be kept away from things without a straightjacket, the choice is simply between the stuff being put away or the toddler (and possibly toddler owner) not visiting.

I did have a laugh at the playpen suggestion btw. My youngest is some way short of 2.5 yet, but they've been able to shin out of the buggers for ages!

snoopy2016 · 26/02/2017 17:24

YABU it's not your house it's your friends, she shouldn't have to put her things away, take things for DD to do to keep her entertained your friend should not have to child proof her house.

PurpleDaisies · 26/02/2017 17:26

The op very graciously accepted she was unreasonable ages ago snoopy.

londonrach · 26/02/2017 17:27

Yabu. Bring colouring book etc with you and look after your child. If not why not meet in a cafe or similar.