WIBU not to attend a wedding because of the dress code?

[UserUmpteen]

NC because it's identifiable. There's a bit of ill feeling involved too if I'm honest, but AIBU not to want to pay for a tux for DH, cocktail dress for me (zero chance they'd be worn again and I TBH even hiring is an expense I could do without) only to chase the DCs round all afternoon and evening? Is it a bit pissy of me to decline on that basis? We don't have much money; they do and probably would not think this reasonable grounds for declining.

You don't need full length for black tie. You can, of course, if you want to. But full length is required only for white tie.

I wouldn't be telling them why you're declining.

I think they're probably aware the dress code would stretch you, and they don't really expect you to attend.

Really start browsing the charity shops, the hire chains like Moss Bros used to give their stock to charity about once a year - may still
do and they're very good value. My son had to had have one for a school do but once he announced his intention to stitch Adidas stripes down the arms I was straight down to the Red Cross! You can also buy yourself an evening dress there or eBay. My BF is very hard up but looks great and shops entirely at charity shops. Her top tip is to go to the most expensive areas. Sorry but I think it would be incredibly rude simply to ignore a dress code on an invitation and I would feel uncomfortable all evening.

Ugh! If you are not into weddings and don't like dressing up, find an excuse and don't go OP. I hate formal affairs with a passion. I cant remember the last time I agreed to go to a wedding. It must be over 20 years. I wouldn't care if I was never invited to another wedding in my life!

Havent rft but DD1 has put on a lot of weight and doesnt want to spend a lot of money on evening wear as she has lots of smaller such dresses . She has bought a few cocktail (nice)dresses on eBay for between £10 and £20

You don't want to go. So don't. I hear you, I'm absolutely done with coughing a minimum of £500 to be part of people's special day. Handily I'm also over 40 so such demands are limited these days. But I have learnt to go with good grace or pass. I've seethed through enough events. Life's too short, for them and you

I think it's a bit of a shame you don't want to go, and that you're looking to us to justify it for you.

So patronising. I have various reasons for now wanting to go, boiling down to conflicting values. The dress code assuming a certain standard of living is one of them.

not wanting to go.

OP I have been to some seriously posh weddings in my time and it's very crass to dictate a dress code like this.

Am I correct in thinking this isn't even a wedding, it's really just an after party and the wedding is taking place elsewhere on another date?

Who the fuck do these people think they are?

Just don't go, don't explain.

You have an invitation. RSVP with a polite decline, So sorry, we are unable to attend. Hope you have a lovely day.

It sounds like this wedding will be a crap experience for you from start to finish, so YANBU. Don't go. If you're not close in the first place, don't worry about offending them just by politely saying no to an invitation (which is, let me hear it, an invitation not a summons). If they get the huff then so what, they're the ones who are BU. I pissed off my cousins by not inviting them to my very tiny wedding, I now don't hear from them about anything including birth announcements - but that's OK because I don't like the fuckers.

If you don't want to go then don't go.
You know your own mind.
However if you want to go, a cheap suit for dh could maybe be found, charity shops, I believe primark now do suits also.

As for women's I would take that as a black maxi dress would be perfect, I myself wore a maxi black dress to a wedding reception which had a fancy dress code

You should be able to find one pretty cheap, if you want to go.

Not sure of budget but I was plus size at the time and wore a dress similar to these

My deceased FIL for the last 10 years or so o his life refused any social invitation. (Mostly family ones). He would just say ; 'I am too old to do something I don't want to do'.

Good approach I think!

The only 'code' I asked at my wedding was to my Dmother. I asked her not to wear white.

So she wore cream with silver trim instead. [bitter]