WIBU not to attend a wedding because of the dress code?

[UserUmpteen]

NC because it's identifiable. There's a bit of ill feeling involved too if I'm honest, but AIBU not to want to pay for a tux for DH, cocktail dress for me (zero chance they'd be worn again and I TBH even hiring is an expense I could do without) only to chase the DCs round all afternoon and evening? Is it a bit pissy of me to decline on that basis? We don't have much money; they do and probably would not think this reasonable grounds for declining.

£9.99 is three figures ... £2:37 is 3 figures

For that matter, so is £0.00

Tempting or what??

I'm not jealous. We have profoundly different values. To the person who said I feel self conscious around them - that's very true. I think my late DM was considered to have married somewhat 'beneath' herself (although her own family wasn't moneyed - they mainly married money). We grew up as free school meal kids which I'm actually rather proud of. But I have to summon every morsel of that pride when I'm with them because two of my DM's siblings judge my DF to be inferior and certainly in the case of the B&G those attitudes are compounded. They're hard work. I'm not going. I'm not making excuses.

Just don't go.

Weddings are a celebration and are often a huge expense for both the guests and the bride and groom.

If you don't really want to be there, there is no point anyone spending money for you to be there etc.

Decline politely and forget about it.

We had a "black tie" wedding and some friends had the same issue. A dark suit and any coloured bow tie did the trick - as did black trousers and dr say top for women. TBH, when it comes to the day what matters is the people come to celebrate with you and if I thought people declined because of the dress code I'd have been gutted.

Whosthebestbaba, if not upfront, making do would certainly be judged behind our backs.

UserUmpteen Fri 24-Feb-17 18:47:46
I'm looking on eBay. Problem is I'm dubious about sizing and I know that there will be lots of ultra-luxurious bespoke tuxes at the party because these are people who move in affluent circles. Why can't they just have a normal celebration like anyone else?

Honey the upper class inherit their tuxes complete with moth balls, from those that went before them, you are talking about the nouveau riche here, you are above all that

Whos the best.

Why did you state Black Tie if you didn't care anyway what anyone wore?

It does put pressure on for many really. Shakes head here.....

I think dress codes can be easier for women as it's less likely you would get it totally wrong. A wedding invitation which says "black tie" is probably trying to be helpful to let you know that's the dress code they've chosen, so the men don't arrive in a regular suit and feel uncomfortable. In that case, you have a choice - black tie, or turn up in regular suit, or ask if it's OK to wear a regular suit.

I'm always really surprised when people suggest you should accept the invitation, then feign illness. That's really rude & a waste of the B & G's money and a hassle for them on the day. Genuine illness, fine. Faked illness, not fine

welshmist I'm so non-U I hadn't thought of that. In fact this whole scenario is non-U isn't it?

It sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder. Just don't go and spare yourself, and them.

I think you might in my situation too, Ciele. Thanks for your input.

All the kit can come from charity shops - dinner suits never get worn out, just outgrown, and the same for posh frocks. But it sounds a really resistible invite.

Where are you based and what size are you op? I have some posh frocks in size 16?

@specialsubject

I really like that term "a resistable invite" Stores it up for future ref!

The OP will have children in tow aswell. Now I cannot think of anything worse than a summons to enjoy yourself with adults at a wedding with black tie demands, AND kids.

Not on yer fekkin nelly. Sorry.

LondonStill that's a very kind offer thank you. Somewhere a little remote but don't want to reveal on here.

Resistible - yes it is and I'm inclined to state why!

Yanbu. Fuck that. I can't be arsed with these 'rules' for weddings.
Don't go and I'd tell them why not.

I've been invited to several black tie/cocktail dress weddings. The only one dh actually wore black tie and I wore a new dress (OK, it was 25 quid, but still) was the one in which when I asked about the dress code the bride said 'Frankly, I couldn't care less if you come in jeans and flipflops, so long as you're there!'

All the others we just wore something adequate to a normal wedding that we already had (or borrowed).

If people judged, that says a lot about them, not much about us!

There's quite a few dresses and suits on eBay and facebook sites at the moment because the schools are starting to think about prom. So plenty second hand to choose from I should think. But if you don't want to go just don't go. Personally I'd love an excuse to wear an evening dress!!

@Liara.

Why say it is Black Tie if the Bride then says anything goes? That is ridiculous.

My wedding was black tie/evening dress. 2 women ignored the dress code, which mildly annoyed me but I just gone on with enjoying my day. What really pissed me off was when I got the wedding pics back and they both stood at the front of the group shot in their short dresses ruining my pics for ever. They were both just plus 1s of DH's friends as well so neither of us knew them.

Your wedding pictures were ruined because someone was in a short dress rufus?

Rufus 200 just bin the picture, you must have others.

"Ruining my pics for ever "

Come on, get a grip. Have a look at yourself.

flowersalloverme no idea really.

She was a wonderful bride, she actually asked most of her guests what they liked and disliked in weddings and planned hers accordingly (eg. she had no photographer, as people told her they disliked them). So I'm guessing she asked some of her guests and they said they liked black tie, it would not be surprising given the milieu many of them come from.

"Ruining my pics for ever "

Hahahaha. FFS!!!