WIBU not to attend a wedding because of the dress code?

[UserUmpteen]

NC because it's identifiable. There's a bit of ill feeling involved too if I'm honest, but AIBU not to want to pay for a tux for DH, cocktail dress for me (zero chance they'd be worn again and I TBH even hiring is an expense I could do without) only to chase the DCs round all afternoon and evening? Is it a bit pissy of me to decline on that basis? We don't have much money; they do and probably would not think this reasonable grounds for declining.

Sorry, my last comment judges their wedding choice.

Why are people trying to find a way for her to go when she doesnt want to?!

My mother is like that, she will move heaven and earth to attend a wedding she doesnt want to go to because "its a wedding invitation!" its like her head cannot compute the concept of just turning it down!

I haven't been to a wedding for years, thank god. It all sounds such bloody hard work!

I think a dress code that requires a big outlay is fucking rude.

I wouldn't go but I wouldn't lie. So I'd either say decline the invitation without comment or decline explaining why. If it were me, I'd do the latter but only you know if that will provoke more of a shitstorm.

I can almost guarantee people will attend that wedding wearing ordinary suits and dresses/trouser suits. If you did go and didn't wear tux/cocktail dress then you wouldn't be the only ones. What are they going to do - turn you away at the door?

to me a cocktail dress simply means it's not a formal evening gown - it's a knee length dress - although I am quite old so you may want to ignore me

I've been to at least 30 weddings and don't recall ever having a dress code specified on the invitation. Thank goodness.

YANBU. Don't go!

Me and DH have turned down half a dozen weddings over the past 10 years because of precious people wanting people to spend money just to be with them on their big day. From expecting money instead of a gift (3 figures please...) to expecting us to spend money travelling 400 mile round trips and on a hotel room. And even worse, expecting us to attend their wedding in CUBA but telling us we need to fund it ourselves. err no.

I don't like weddings so will avoid them for any reason. I find that these things always work out better if I don't give an excuse. Just, 'Thank you for the invitation, unfortunately we can't make it. Our thoughts will be with you on your big day.'

I do go to the occasional wedding but my fondness for the person getting married has to greatly outweigh my dislike of endless hanging about in uncomfortable shoes and making polite conversation with people that I'm quite glad that I'll never meet again.

Don't go if you don't want to... But if you do... Now that proms are popular in the UK, you can get really cheap DJs from supermarkets like George at Asda for about £30. Primark do them too. You can get decent enough LBDs and party dresses on the high street, there's no need to spend loads. No one will notice the difference between Primarni and real Marni in the low light and with alcohol flowing!

I'm going to a wedding soon which has specified cocktail dresses, DH is wearing an ordinary suit and I'm wearing a monsoon dress which I have had for 20 years. At least I'm not likely to meet someone wearing the same dress!

to me a cocktail dress simply means it's not a formal evening gown - it's a knee length dress - although I am quite old so you may want to ignore me

To me any dress becomes a cocktail dress if you've got a cocktail in your hand.

If you've got something half smart and you want to go I'd just wear that. It sounds like you don't want to go though, so you don't have to.

We've been invited to a "destination" wedding this summer - fair enough, it's in a place we'd like to visit and fits in with our holiday plans. Though it will be expensive as is at peak time for the area. I am very unimpressed to read on the emailed invitation that the bride and groom have suggested three colours guests should wear so they match the bride and groom's colour scheme. I will wear what suits me or not go. The word "Bridezilla" has crossed my lips. (They are the husband's friends.) NB The destination is not Mali.
Decline without giving a reason and send a present and think no more of it, OP. Why waste time and money doing something you won't enjoy? Stuff some mushrooms instead, at least they're appetising.

From expecting money instead of a gift (3 figures please...)

Hang on, what fresh hell is this?

Please say you're joking ... please??

You sound so self-conscious about being around these people. I think that's colouring your view.

Whether MN agree or not, some people do have a dress code. Simple as that. You don't have to go.

When I read the wedding threads on here I think I must live in a parallel universe!
I've never had a dress code, requests for cash (although I don't have a problem with that as many people have already set up home before marriage), demands for people to be invited, sulking if we've not been able to attend or the other plethora or issues that seem to plague so many on here.
We did have one issue with our wedding but when we didn't back down they capitulated and all as good

In your shoes I'd decline the invite but not give a reason unless specifically asked.

If you want to go, or it will cause a shitload of trouble for you if you don't go, then head for a charity shop, you can try stuff on, and you won't be spending a fortune. There are a couple of 'clearance' charity shops near me where everything is a quid.

If you don't want to go, then simply decline the invitation, with a 'sorry, can't make it, hope you have a fantastic day' card.

Most of my life I've mixed with people who earn 100k plus when we were struggling along on 20k. They've never made me feel uncomfortable, remember 'no one can make you feel inferior without your consent' probably not an exact quotation but it has helped me when I get the inverse snobbery feeling.

I am a wedding hater. Not because of the B+G at all (except in rare circs lol).

I do not like weddings, hate them in fact. Sorry about that. Seems like a summons most of the time rather than an invite. And for what, a long drive, and overnight, money money money for a few hours of drivel and ooh look at the dress isn't it Gorgeous. And sitting with people you don't know and such a long boring day really. Anyway, I have issues about weddings as I am sure you have guessed!

So I am with the OP on this one. Do NOT go. Do NOT give any lame excuse.

I usually respond with Hi X and Y, thanks so much for the lovely invitation, but we cannot join you for your special day due to prior committments we have on the same day. Hope you have a wonderful time. Love, flowers.

And enclose a cheque for the wedding pressie. All happy! Whew....

OH is the same. And it's the same for his side of weddings too.

We of course will attend close family - nieces and nephews are the last line though!

It is so liberating!

I really don't do anything, or go anywhere I don't want to anymore. I'm talking friends here. Family is different, we have a blast. (Most of the time!)

I love a wedding & I don't mind a dress code. eBay is full of absolute bargains. A cocktail dress is just regular ladies wedding attire eg knee length frock. I bet loads of people won't be wearing tuxedos. But the problem here is that you don't like them and you feel inferior. In that case, just say you have plans for the date & wish them well.

You're sounding a bit bitter and jealous... Just say you can't make it and forget about it. Why are you looking at frocks on ebay? You don't want to go, you'll have a crap time and be pissed of about it, so just say no thanks and let them enjoy their celebration the way they want.

How was the dress code actually worded?

If they just did the traditional 'black tie' then it's absolutely fine to adopt the traditional solution for those who don't own it and can't stretch to hiring it, which is for men to wear any dark suit (and women to wear the most party-ish thing they have).

Puzzled .... £9.99 is three figures. I might even round it up to £10.00 and make it four! That's beyond cheeky!

£2:37 is 3 figures - just saying!

So this is an afternoon AND evening celebration? DJs are evening wear so it's a bit enthusiastic to request people wear them during the afternoon. I would just go in your usual suit/dress. Dress code is not obligatory.