Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Transing a 4 year old

818 replies

ShadowChancellor · 24/02/2017 09:10

On Monday, all the children at my kids school were taught about being transgender because the parent of a reception kid have decided that X is actually Y and are now sending their kid in as the opposite sex and have changed their name.

According to my kid they were shown a video that was all about how if you were a boy and liked girl things and girl clothes you were a girl and it was all very positive.

No parents were told before this happened. We only found out when the kids came out of school on Monday and told us.

AIBU to a) think that transing a kid at 4 years old is more to do with the parents not liking the fact that their kid prefers girls toys to boys toys and b) that the other parents should've been told before they showed our kids this film and promoted it all in school.

Its caused a lot of confusion with the younger kids who think you can change whether you are a boy or girl just by wishing it and didn't mention at all all of the problems that it can cause.

OP posts:
Olympiathequeen · 24/02/2017 10:39

Massive overreaction from the school and parents. They could have just called their child a gender neutral nickname and let him choose more colourful,clothes and just wait to see how he develops. There is a big difference between allowing a child the freedom to play as it wants and wear less stereotypical clothing and supporting that and discouraging any gender bullying, and completely switch the gender.

Gender neutrality is easy at 4. DS2 is 4 next month and wouldn't care what he wears and plays with 'girls' and 'boys' toys.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 24/02/2017 10:39

because the parent of a reception kid have decided that X is actually Y pretty sure that isn't how it works...the parent doesn't get to decide, the child would be voicing it themselves, so unless X has decided they are Y, then I would say that X is still X and the parents are pissed off that their kid likes toys that they would rather s/he didn't

3 weeks ago my 4yo told me he was a puppy.a few weeks before that he was a girl.

That is what 4yo's do

littlepinkmouseofsugar · 24/02/2017 10:40

This is pretty worrying. The world has gone mad!

Stereotypes are so damaging and are undoing all the good work feminists have done for decades re women being able to have choices.

Young reception age children are easily influenced and can be really unkind as they don't understand that it's ok that not all girls have long hair and like pink and dolls and that boys can't like these things. As it is, ime small children often make unkind comments/judgements about anyone not fitting the gender stereotypes re appearance and interests, so schools introducing the concept of trans and even more adult sanctioned stereotypes is really, really harmful.

ninenicknames · 24/02/2017 10:41

I am so confused by this whole subject and I am a grown adult.

I know I am a girl, how do I know that?

I don't necessarily like pink, I like Navy actually.

But I know I am a girl.

Can someone tell me how this is ok?

I would go up the wall if my DS was taught this.

Can anyone actually describe to me in really simple terms what this all means?!?

brasty · 24/02/2017 10:41

There are kids of this age who insist for months that they are really a type of animal. Along with crawling on 4 legs or other "animal" behaviour. At 4 you don't understand this stuff.

Original poster
ShadowChancellor · 24/02/2017 10:41

The video was called something like "I am Lily / Lola" - but if you search for it on YouTube there are about a million videos with similar names.

There's a lot of parents not happy about it. Not so much that there's a child going by a new name or wearing new clothes, but because it was all done without any of us being told. We've talked to the school and not got anywhere so maybe it needs to go higher, but maybe we'll all get dismissed there too.

OP posts:
pombal · 24/02/2017 10:41

I read the link to the metro article and the mother stated her child was trying to cut off his penis.

What could be the alternative course of action for a child taking such drastic action - genuine question.

Lweji · 24/02/2017 10:42

According to my kid they were shown a video that was all about how if you were a boy and liked girl things and girl clothes you were a girl and it was all very positive.

I do think it's a disgrace to reinforce such stereotypes.

I'd be having a word with the school.

Any video should be about how boys and girls can like the same things and all should be accepted.

danTDM · 24/02/2017 10:42

How is womankind supposed to push the boundaries of what is expected of them when girls are told that if they reject female stereotypes they are actually a boy??

Hit the nail on the head there. Perfectly.
This is shocking op, horrendous, I'd be furious.

PacificDogwod · 24/02/2017 10:43

What could be the alternative course of action for a child taking such drastic action - genuine question.

Urgent referral to CAMHS - that is not healthy behaviour

Yy to society has to change. I am afraid though, that is IS changing but in ways that I am deeply uncomfortable with.

paddlenorapaddle · 24/02/2017 10:44

I'm sorry but that's child abuse to me all children say they want to be a girl or a boy at some stage

Wtf I would not have been happy

brasty · 24/02/2017 10:45

A boy trying to cut off his penis needs urgent CAHMS intervention. It can sadly be a sign of sexual abuse and does need professional intervention.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 24/02/2017 10:45

This incursion of a politically driven ideology into primary schools is alarming. Transing children is very new but we already know it's not safe. We are already seeing hundreds of detransitioners in their early 20s some of whom will be affected for life because of the medication and surgery.

A 4 year old can have no concept of gender identity. SS should be investigating this poor kid's parents. And the school should be ashamed of pandering to what is an unscientific and illogical ideology. What does "feeling like a boy" or "feeling like a girl" mean, ffs?

lifeissweet · 24/02/2017 10:46

For the people wondering whether the child is intersex or self-harming because of their gender dysphoria - maybe.

But why that means a whole class of children need to be told that girls who like trucks might be boys and boys who like pink might be girls, I have no idea!

What should happen in that situation - at most - is that the child is allowed to dress, present and have the name they want. The other children are then taught that kindness and acceptance are expected. Anyone can play with anything they like and wear anything they like...

And that is all.

DixieNormas · 24/02/2017 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoteDAzur · 24/02/2017 10:48

YANBU OP. I would be livid if schooldecided to brainwash my preschool DC with woo nonsense that disregards biological reality.

JAPAB · 24/02/2017 10:48

According to my kid they were shown a video that was all about how if you were a boy and liked girl things and girl clothes you were a girl and it was all very positive.

I can't help but suspect that this is a misrepresentation of what the video said. But if it literally did say that then of course kids shouldn't be told things like that.

Dallyw · 24/02/2017 10:49

I have joined purely to comment on this thread. My child age 12 came home from school last week and said "Sarah has been off school for two weeks, she came in today with short hair and is now Paul" (I've changed the names). So I said "so she is a boy now?" And my child said "she does not want to be identified as a boy or girl". Fair enough 12 years old is a lot older than 4 years old. I honestly do not know what to make of all this. Surely it's sexualising children? By all means I'm all for anybody wearing what they like, the way I see it we were all born naked, clothes and hairstyles according to gender depends on the society we live in. To actually be encouraged as a child to think you may have been born in the wrong body is messed up. 16 years old should be the lower limit. I have nothing against anybody who is trans gender/ sexual. Their body and choice, children should be left out of it until they have the emotional maturity to understand what they are doing. The world has gone crazy!!

brasty · 24/02/2017 10:49

Intersex is an umbrella term for a range of disorders. The most common is a micro penis or the hole for the urethra in the wrong place in the penis. Lots of people seem to have little understanding of intersex. There are only a few very very rare conditions where a baby is not clearly a girl or boy.Most intersex conditions, the sex is still perfectly clear.

pombal · 24/02/2017 10:49

Pacific - if the child were referred to CAMHS, would other solutions be available or would they say the child had gender dysphoria and encourage transition??

I know this is hard to answer but do professional agencies have alternative strategies aside from transition for gender dysphoric children? (if that even exists)

HemlockIsSpartacus · 24/02/2017 10:50

I can't help but suspect that this is a misrepresentation of what the video said.

Maybe it is, but it's a class of very young children, who will interpret things very literally. A school of all places should know this and not have shown a video that the children have interpreted that way.

paddlenorapaddle · 24/02/2017 10:50

Is anyone thinking munchhausens by proxy when you hear things like this

ninenicknames · 24/02/2017 10:51

Is anyone thinking munchhausens by proxy when you hear things like this

YES YES

brasty · 24/02/2017 10:52

Maybe the video didn't say that. But the children are 4 years old. Of course they are going to simplify what they are being told. So I am not surprised if most 4 year olds watching the video don't also think that.
Sometimes on these threads I wonder if some responding have actually met a 4 year old.

Lilicat1013 · 24/02/2017 10:53

AntiQuitted I have two autistic boys and have the same concerns. So far my older child's school seem to have a good track record of informing parents before child do things so I am hoping that would be the case here. I will not be having him shown videos that tell him his interests decide his gender or that his biological sex is optional. He is male, he will always be male. He can be any kind of boy/man he wants to be whether that is traditionally masculine or wearing a dress and make up but he will always be male.