To wonder how single mums do it??

[Mammylamb]

Not being goady, honestly. But how can single mums cope on their own?? Especially those who are working outside the house too??? Full of admiration, but genuinely think I would struggle, but quite clearly many women successfully manage it

You just do it
I don't really remember it any other way now

It's a lot easier than being unhappily married

It's also a lot easier than being beaten

And little from some gave no financial help. And that isn't even the point. It's when you had a really long day, you are drained and tired. And there's no one to talk to about it. No one to watch mindless TV with. So I just go to bed.

My DC get to stay kids too Bell
In part because they don't have to put up with the shitty atmosphere and arguments some children in 2 parent families do. Having 1 adult in the household works quite well in many respects, and is perfectly do-able without making DC responsible beyond their years. Even with 4 DC I manage that.

When I do struggle is the odd times i'm home and they're not. I have no idea what to do with myself!

Sorry sweets and others. Im sure you manage it. Im totally projecting here and realize now, too late, that it was really unhelpful for me to post that.

Im sure you're not all expecting dc to stand in where hs once were. My bad. Sincere apologies.

Rofl @ "I just do it quicker"

I do that too. It's amazing what you can get done in an hour

It's not ideal, I'll say that. I take shortcuts and I frankly just sometimes leave the housework because I'm so knackered. Downstairs is generally fine and so are the kids' rooms but mine is a bit hit and miss. The practical stuff I think you get used to though and take it for granted that you don't have much downtime apart from sleeping.

I also have a brilliant network of friends and we all help each other out practically and emotionally. Other single friends more so because they just "get it". I honestly would find it very difficult without them.

One thing I do miss and that there isn't a fix for is that there isn't someone as invested and engaged in your kids' lives as you are. I mean sure I've got friends and family who love them and care about them, but their dad just doesn't and I feel like I can't quite fill that gap however hard I try and I worry so much that such a big thing is missing for them and how it will affect them especially in the future when I'm not there to smooth things over. Also I feel a lot of anger that he is so uninvolved - sees them rarely, couldn't even tell you basics like what school they're at etc - because I just think "how fucking dare you be so casually detached from these frankly wonderful people" and I know that isn't healthy.

Yep, another one that pays a mortgage, own repairs (I do most of them myself). I get single persons discount on council tax, as I should. Yes, I get tax credits. I wouldn't be able to work and pay childcare without them and would end up on income support without WTC and CTC

Littlefrog - I'd tell you to go fuck yourself, and your prejudiced opinions, but as you're a goady fucker, I won't bother.

It's when you had a really long day, you are drained and tired. And there's no one to talk to about it. No one to watch mindless TV with. So I just go to bed.

I'm a bit of a hermit but even I struggle with this. I don't think it would be so bad if I got a chance to socialise but I don't. Just me and a 2 year old all day and then sat on my own when DS goes to sleep. It can get a bit isolating.

I've been a single parent twice. First ex hasn't seen DS(17) since he was 2 and has never paid maintenance. I also have DD(8) and DD(6) to abusive XH. Dd(8) likely has SEN but still trying to get diagnosis and support for that. XH is still a controlling bully who also doesn't pay maintenance (CMS case ongoing but have failed to collect any payments). I also work 4 full time days and have a chronic health condition that causes exhaustion, lowered immunity and brain fog.

There are times when I cope better and times where I seriously feel like I will fall off the edge at any moment. The hardest times are when DD is having a meltdown as she is very violent and destroys things in the house and there is nobody to help me as I simply can't physically control her. The other hard thing is having no money and feeling trapped by my circumstances as I can't get a better paying job, can't move house etc. Sometimes it really difficult knowing all the responsibility is yours.

I cope by taking antidepressants, lowering my standards (house is often a tip), and crying into my pillow. It's still 100x better than when I was with XH.

They do it because there is no alternative - you just work it out as you go along

My mum raise me alone, my father had zero input into my upbringing.
She was both mother and father to me. I have so much love, respect and pride for her.
Life was never easy for us, but she did a wonderful job. She always had at least one job but was still always there for me and we've always been increadibly close.
Now I'm a mother myself I have a much easier time of it than she did, a good husband and financialy secure, I understand better the sacrifices she made to make me the woman I am now and I have even more admiration for her.
I don't know how she did it, I have a lot of respect for single parennts and I don't agree with this notion that 'Single mums get the weekends off' But don't get me started on that

Single mum to 12 month DS (been single mum since he was 3 weeks old) and I'm about to start a full time job on Tuesday. I haven't worked since just before he was born and was made redundant whilst on mate leave and God help me I am terrified. I am so tired all the time and I felt. Like there are not enough hours in the day as it is. Eeekk.

It's hard, but we have so much fun and can do what we like.

The downside is I feel lonely without a partner in so many situations, but there's nothing I can do about it.

Oh, and I can never, ever get sick.

DD has ASD, so will always be dependent on me, but I don't mind. The waste of space of a father doesn't know what he's missing.

Oh and Littlefrog, get tae fuck with your crap. I get child benefit, that's it. Bet you get that too, so what does that make you?

"Many single parents share the children with their ex, which means they often get a lot of time off.
My OH works away a lot, I get a lot less time to myself than my good friend who has her children only 4 days a week."

NOT THE SAME

been there. Ex worked an 80 hour week. (yes, really)

Those 2 whole nights I get off a month are not like 'having time off'. The last one I spent resting because I was fucking exhausted, the one before I spent doing DIY around the house.

Thanks Bell
It's one of those judgements often bandied about re single parents and/or larger families. I have both! I imagine I am a bit oversensitive

Haven't seen or heard from my ex for years he hasn't paid a penny for dd since she was 9 and she's 18 now.

A lot of SP also don't have ex's that share care of their DC. I don't. On the very rare occasion he does I sleep or do housework.

Thank you for posting this thread. I needed this today. I am a LP no contact with DS dad, no family support. I have been offered a course by CAHMS nurse which will help my DS going through diagnosis at the moment. I can only do this if it is at a time I am not able to take the time off work. At least 2 parents one would be able to do something so not only do I struggle to manage but so does my DS and this could affect his whole future.

I agree Parenting is a lot easier than with my abusive ex, however it is not easier than with a supportive partner.

The thing I do struggle with is sharing the funny things my ds has said, the pride I feel, no one else in the world cares the way I do.

The alternative is.......?

My abusive ex was carted off by the police , DD was just a few months old. According to the law , I had put myself in this situation and was therefore not entitled to any benefits. I had about 3 days to pull myself together before realising I just had to get on with it . I took on as many cleaning jobs as I possibly could , I did a distance learning degree , cleaning during the day and studying at night. It was hard and I was knackered , I was still receiving abuse from my ex , albeit from a distance. He took me to court to get visitation with DD , which was granted , and then proceeded to not see her at all. He has never paid any child support.

I carried on but my health has suffered , I'm ok but I'm never not worrying about something and have many sleepless nights.

So the goady fucker who thinks all single parents have it easy can piss right off.

Littlefrog when I am.working I will be over the threshold for any tax credits and certainly for housing benefit and I do all my own repairs (and built all.my own furniture when I moved house recently). I have no ex dp for reasons that are far too personal to talk about on here so no maintenance or time "off". There is no one to talk to at the end of the day and no one to share all the wonderful moments I spend with ds. It's lonely and it's hard. When ds gets sick there is nobody else to sit up all night with him or make me a coffee in the morning to help me cope. Everyone has there own struggles though.

We have no choice, it's hard work but I think I do an ok job at it!

I work 25 hours a week. 9.30-2.30 so I can do the school run. I do housework every day so it doesn't mount and manage DD's numerous dance classes.

I never stop and I'm skint but we're happy.