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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ungrateful child

86 replies

bridgetjonesmassivepants · 23/02/2017 10:58

Daughter is at a dance workshop so said that younger son and I could go and see the new Batman film. Son excited, booked tickets for today.

When it came to getting near to leaving the house son starts moaning and saying that he can't be bothered and wants to stay at home. (He's 8)

I get really cross, walk away to calm down and come back and say he is being ungrateful that lots of kids would love to have a treat like this and that we are no longer going and that he is to leave me alone for the next three hours.

Backstory is that he never wants to leave the house and is always whining when we leave it - it's like being under house arrest. I just thought it would be nice to do something fun together as we have been in the house a bit and daughter is having a treat at the workshop.

AIBU in not dragging him to the cinema?
Now passively aggressively hovering the house instead...

OP posts:
DontTouchTheMoustache · 23/02/2017 11:00

Why doesn't he want to leave the house? Could he be suffering from some sort of anxiety?

Original poster
bridgetjonesmassivepants · 23/02/2017 11:02

No anxiety, happy, popular child. Just likes slouching around at home and watching YouTube / playing Lego etc. Obviously don't mind this but thought it would be nice to leave the house once in a while for a treat!

OP posts:
OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 23/02/2017 11:03

Does he have something very attractive to keep him at home (e.g. Video games, Legos he just loves?)

If so, I would ban that thing for the day and then see what his thinking was about heading out to the cinema.

OpalFruitsMarathonsandSpira · 23/02/2017 11:03

X post.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 23/02/2017 11:08

You say he was enthusiastic initially so having bought the tickets, I would have insisted on going, he might have snapped out of it once there.

Unless he's coming down with something health-wise.

lia66 · 23/02/2017 11:12

My 13 year old is like this. My rule is that from time to time he has to come out with us whether he wants to or not. Invariably once we are out he enjoys whatever it is that we are doing. He would rather watch you tube, play Xbox. We get lots of tears but they need to get out of the house.

bumsexatthebingo · 23/02/2017 11:14

Well he pays for the wasted tickets from his pocket money then and I'm sure there's some errands/shopping you can do with him instead.

BeyondThePage · 23/02/2017 11:15

I have a daughter who is a natural hermit, same as her dad really. But if I had booked tickets already, we would have gone, however much whinging was happening.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 23/02/2017 11:16

Fake power cut??
We actually had a power cut one night a few winters ago. All sat around with candles playing board games. . Let the dc go to bed thinking it was still off when it had come back on at 9pm!!
Was swindled when ds saw a light on his TV!!

NataliaOsipova · 23/02/2017 11:17

I'm with Donkeys, unless he has a good reason (feeling ill or something) for no longer wanting to go. I think a lot of people (myself included) can fall into this trap sometimes - you get into doing whatever it is at home and then just can't be bothered to go out. But - when you do go out, you enjoy yourself and are really pleased you've made the effort to go. (I do, anyway). On a child so young, it's not a habit you probably want to break where reasonably possible. (Mind you, if he's going to moan about it while you're out, I can totally understand why you might decide it's not worth the hassle....)

LiveLifeWithPassion · 23/02/2017 11:18

I would have taken him despite the whinging too. He probably would have enjoyed it once he was out.

My dcs would always choose lounging at home with YouTube and gadgets above anything else.

Original poster
bridgetjonesmassivepants · 23/02/2017 11:18

Thinking I should have dragged him but I was annoyed at having to do an hours round trip plus see a film that I wasn't bothered about with a whiney child.
Next time I won't bother.
Think I will stop his pocket money for the next two weeks though to pay for the ticket.

OP posts:
Lndnmummy · 23/02/2017 11:20

My ds who is 5 can be abit like this. I just tell him we are going and that is that.

AnnPerkins · 23/02/2017 11:23

I have an almost 8 yo DS who can be like this. I would just insist on taking him, knowing that he will enjoy it when he gets there. And still have the word about being ungrateful, wasting money etc.

During half term I tried to give him plenty of unplanned time as well as organised fun. He can be pretty busy with school and clubs etc so he needs time to veg out as well. But it can be a kick in the teeth when you've shelled out money on a treat and they behave like it's a chore.

BobbieDog · 23/02/2017 11:23

I was like this as a child. I never wanted to go anywhere.

When ever we did go out it was a massive chore for me we didnt have a car as a child and had to walk everywhere and having flat feet meant walking long distances were agony!

I think there is most likely a few reasons why he doesnt want to go out much and i would try to find out why otherwise he will become very used to sitting at home and its hard to get out of that rut.

soundsystem · 23/02/2017 11:23

Mine does this. I usually say we're going anyway and she enjoys it once there. Occasionally I do as you'd did and say "fine, go and play in your room and don't bother me!". She always does enjoy herself once we've left the house, though.

pipsqueak25 · 23/02/2017 11:24

two weeks without pocket money is a heck of a long time imo for a 8yo, next week he'd have forgotten why it was stopped, might be better to stop one week and get him doing some simple chores instead,

lalaloopyhead · 23/02/2017 11:25

My dd (9) can be a bit like this sometimes. She goes to before and afterschool club and I think she just likes the quietness of being at home. Saying that I do tend to chivvy her along and 9/10 we do end up going out anyway, I would only say fine we will stay at home if it is something unimportant. If I had bought cinema tickets beforehand I would say were going in the hope they enjoyed it once they go there.

1bighappyfamily · 23/02/2017 11:26

Think I will stop his pocket money for the next two weeks though to pay for the ticket.

I think this is a really good way to deal with it.

pictish · 23/02/2017 11:28

My 9 yr old son is like this whenever he's on youtube/gaming etc. I just switch it off and make him do as I say. He's always fine once his eyes have been torn from the screen. Can't believe you let him dictate like that. Come on matey - where's your resolve?

BobbieDog · 23/02/2017 11:29

I would only make him pay for the ticket with his pocket money if he was happy to go in the first place and knew you was buying the tickets before hand.

Original poster
bridgetjonesmassivepants · 23/02/2017 11:29

I get the staying at home thing but he doesn't have to go to childcare after school so he has plenty of time to just loaf around and one day of the weekends is always spent at home too. Spent all day at home yesterday.
Tempted to turn off the wifi and claim that it is broken...

We never went anywhere as a child, I would have been so happy to have been taken to the cinema.

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 23/02/2017 11:29

My 9 year old DS1 is exactly like this. Never wants to do anything. Cried on Sunday because we were going to London to the Natural History Museum - was enthralled by London within seconds of getting off the train and had a wonderful day. Lay on the sofa and sobbed when I told him we were going out to get his and DS2's hair cut. I am sorry to say I told him to get a grip! And so on, and so on.

BobbieDog · 23/02/2017 11:31

Ahh i ve just seen he was excited to go when you mentioned it.

I would tell him that as you have paid for the tickets then if he doesnt want to go then the ticket money will come out of his pocket money.

MerryMarigold · 23/02/2017 11:32

My kids always moan about going for a walk and then have a fab time when we're there and they are running about in fresh air. I think they sometimes need a push. I can't stand whiney voices, so if they use one, I say: "I can't hear what you're saying if you use that voice." They generally switch to a normal voice and then we can have a normal conversation.

Ds1/1/dd: "I don't want to go for a walk because it's cold."
Me: "Well, if you stay home you will get bored, because there is no more tech for today. And if you dress warmly you will be fine."

And of.

You do need to have tech time limits if you want them to do other stuff as they do eventually get bored of being in the house if they are not allowed on xbox, computer, tablet etc. Mine get 1 hr every other day in the hols.

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