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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ungrateful child

86 replies

bridgetjonesmassivepants · 23/02/2017 10:58

Daughter is at a dance workshop so said that younger son and I could go and see the new Batman film. Son excited, booked tickets for today.

When it came to getting near to leaving the house son starts moaning and saying that he can't be bothered and wants to stay at home. (He's 8)

I get really cross, walk away to calm down and come back and say he is being ungrateful that lots of kids would love to have a treat like this and that we are no longer going and that he is to leave me alone for the next three hours.

Backstory is that he never wants to leave the house and is always whining when we leave it - it's like being under house arrest. I just thought it would be nice to do something fun together as we have been in the house a bit and daughter is having a treat at the workshop.

AIBU in not dragging him to the cinema?
Now passively aggressively hovering the house instead...

OP posts:
FrenchJunebug · 23/02/2017 13:49

my son 6 is like that and always wants to stay at home but he is so happy when I force him to go out. YABU for not having dragged him to the cinema!

Megatherium · 23/02/2017 13:54

Next time you plan anything, lay it on the line that if says he wants to go, then he WILL go unless he is obviously ill. And I really do think you need to turn off wifi and the TV for the rest of today.

BeIIatrixLeStrange · 23/02/2017 13:56

No you are not being unreasonable by dragging him to the cinema, it would have only served to make you upset, and him whine even more. Why would you put yourself through this when you were only trying to do something nice for him

Why the hell would a child turn their nose up at a treat like this?

I would seriously have a look at things like his u-tube habit, any gaming and internet usage, if this is the potential result of that is that he doesn't want to have any kind of life outside of the house

To be honest I would be livid with him and would struggle to make an effort with him after this

grannytomine · 23/02/2017 19:52

Oh dear this is making me laugh now, sounds a bit like "you will enjoy yourself even if you don't want to" and "you are having this treat even though its making you miserable."

Poor kid, shame to waste the money but the money is spent whether you go or not, maybe a good idea to do spur of the minute things in future if its supposed to be a treat for him, obviously different if its something for the family that he is expected to join in with.

memyselfandaye · 23/02/2017 20:04

Why punish him twice? Surely giving him the silent treatment for three hours was a punishment? So why take the pocket money too?

I would have made him go, he would have got lost in the film enjoyed his popcorn or sweets and it would have been fine.

Instead you were ignoring him all morning, he's 8 that's really quite unpleasant.

Ricekrispiesquare · 23/02/2017 21:05

My 7 year old son is like this.

I don't give him an option and say 'we are going to' rather than 'would you like to' as otherwise he just says no. I know your frustrations!

Generally when we are out he is a bit ungrateful/ whinging/ sees the negative in everything rather than the positive but I just try to encourage him to focus on the positive aspects of what we have done rather than the negative.

I think they grow out of it when they hit their 20's...

Witchend · 23/02/2017 22:05

I have a 9yo like this.

But for him, he panics at things he's not totally familiar with, even if they're things he wants to do. Last time I took him to the cinema (he hadn't been for about 4 years) he was really excited the day before, quite pleased at 9am, thinking tomorrow would be better by 11am, at 12noon he definitely didn't want to go and by 1pm would have done almost anything to get out of it.
At 2pm we were sitting in the cinema with a thing of popcorn and a drink and he was looking forward to it starting. And he then enjoyed it.

It's the getting him into the new environment. Once he's there, he's usually fine. But until he's comfortable-and it can take a term of going weekly and occasionally more, he panics every time beforehand. Miss a couple of weeks and he's back to panicking again.

If I always listened to his panic then he'd never do anything.

melj1213 · 23/02/2017 22:16

I think you are being a bit unreasonable ...

All these posters saying he should have been made to go or dragged to the cinema ... it was supposed to be a treat, how is it a treat if he doesn't want to go and is forced? Who exactly is going to be having a good time if you're both sitting there miserable and not wanting to be there?

I remember miserable days out as a young child - we'd go somewhere nobody wanted to be and probably complain we were bored/didn't like it/wanted to go home the whole way round the attraction/activity and my dad would end up getting angry and yelling about how much money he'd spent on us so we could have a nice time and go out for the day and we were ungrateful etcetc and I always wanted to answer back that it's his own fault he'd wasted his money, and if he'd just asked us first rather than assuming he could force us to have a good time he could have saved the money he was complaining about spending.

My DD sometimes doesn't want to do stuff that we have pre-arranged, sometimes she doesn't get a choice - like if our plans include other people who would be inconvenienced/out of pocket if we didn't go - but more often than not she gets the choice, it's supposed to be fun after all, you can't force that on a child, but does get a clear explanation of any consequence of not going (mostly losing pocket money or extra chores to offset any money I'm out of pocket).

If it is something she initiated then I will push her more to go because it was her suggestion/asking that meant I went out and made arrangements/spent money and she knows that if we don't go then any lost costs comes out of her pocket money. If it's stuff I have suggested and she's agreed with then changes her mind on the day she gets two options - we go and use the pre-bought tickets or she repays the money via pocket money, as a consequence of messing me around. If it is stuff I have suggested and she doesn't seem keen on, then invariably I wouldn't book anyway but if I had then I'd take the hit as she had tried to make clear that she didn't want to go and/or would not enjoy it, but she wouldn't get to go and do something else instead, we'd be staying at home.

This is also why I very rarely pre-pay for things unless I am 100% confident that we will be going and prefer to do do stuff as and when or at most only have to commit to reserving a place that will be paid for on arrival so I don't lose money.

Witchend · 23/02/2017 22:28

melj did you read the OP? The ds said he wanted to go and was excited. If he'd said then he didn't want to go then the OP wouldn't have booked.

melj1213 · 23/02/2017 22:38

Yes I read the OP - where she also mentioned that DS has form for agreeing to go to things then wanting to stay home at the last minute. In that scenario I would not be pre-paying for tickets when the risk of losing it would be so high.

With my DD I don't pre-book stuff like the cinema (unless it's a new popular movie in it's first week that I know will be packed if not fully booked) for this exact reason.

Topseyt · 24/02/2017 02:15

Melj, sorry but I think that is all the more reason to make him go.

Actions have consequences. His actions in being enthusiastic about the movie caused the OP to book the tickets and he knew this. He WAS asked.

He doesn't then get to back out at the last minute wasting all of the money because he would rather spend his time on YouTube. He goes. End of story. If he didn't want to then he has to learn that he shouldn't have said yes in the first place.

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