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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be so upset and think they shouldn't have led me on

189 replies

Baybay16 · 22/02/2017 19:59

I was going through the process of adopting a romanian dog rescue. I have been putting off getting a dog for ages but finally decided after like two years when I saw this little puppy they posted.

I applied and was told I have been successful and they need to do a homecheck, I didn't get my hopes up too much as I have heard of people being unsuccessful from little things.

Just before the homecheck I was on their private secret fb group and commented that I was waiting for a homecheck, a volunteer replied that she was with the puppy that I applied for straight away, she sent me photos and said things like "you will fall in love with her when you see her" "she can't wait to come home to you". "Your puppy can't wait to see you" it was really nice of the lady and not going to lie got my hopes up.

Then the homecheck: the lady chatted away to me and at the end said 'I don't think there will be any problems, I will send off forms but I would prepare for puppy's name' if I were you '
We were still kind of holding our breaths at the this point but getting excited.

That night got a facebook message from homecheck lady who said thats the forms sent off, she said she can't wait to see my photos of the puppy and that she can puppy sit whenever I need.

Then yesterday got a phone call who said they won't let me have a puppy as I have stairs in my flat building and they don't think it would be a good idea for training. I explained that there will always be someone with her and we are dedicated to her training and my flat building is very small ( a terraced house converted into 6 flats on three floors ) there is probably more stairs in my mother's house than my flat building. She said she will discuss it with team and homecheck lady and get back to me as she think it would be a great home for the puppy we would be a great match and her heart is telling her yes.

Another phone call again today, it is definitely a no. She said since our check was overall good we can start the process for another dog but I feel disheartened by the whole thing. I would have never gotten my.hopes like this if it wasn't for everyone else sounding so sure.

AIBU to be so upset?? maybe I shouldn't have been so naive. Has this happened to anyone else ?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Shambolical1 · 23/02/2017 19:00

"...taking a pup from a litter which may otherwise end up with unsuitable (or worse) owners is as much 'rescuing' as adopting from a reputable rescue centre. "

Er, no. No it's not. That would be buying a pup, and from people who like as not care only about the money they get. Buying from them just encourages them or others to breed again.

Easy come, easy go. If you don't get on with your Gumtree pup you can just stick it back on there in a couple of months. Or weeks. Or days. This happens time and time again. If you're going to buy a pup, buy from a reputable breeder and meet the pups with their mother.

sparemum · 23/02/2017 19:02

Have a look here: www.rescuescottishpets.co.uk There are links to many rescue centres all over Scotland. Not sure where you are exactly but given that anywhere from Dundee up is classed as North hopefully there will be one close to you. Good luck

Serialweightwatcher · 23/02/2017 19:13

Sorry nrft but why are stairs a problem for a dog?

ThatsSoFetch · 23/02/2017 19:17

We have a Romanian rescue and she has been amazing! Not had any problems. Indeed she couldnt be more a member of our family. She was however only about 4 months old when she arrived. Have you tried going through Wonderland Dogs for Adoption - they have a Facebook page.

viques · 23/02/2017 19:34

be careful about getting a greyhound if you have lots of stairs. I have known several who could not cope with stairs at all, and believe me , a greyhound in a "I am not going to do this" mood is an immovable object.

have you contacted local vets? they might know of recent litters, or dogs whose owners are having to give them up for some reason. Worth a few visits.

WatchingIZombie · 23/02/2017 19:35

'3) The shelters here are victims of local circumstances... that is to say, they are overrun with Staffordshire Bull Terriers who have been thrown out and abandoned by owners who have bred them but found them unsuitable for dog fighting, or they can fight no longer. They are scarred and deeply traumatised. The shelters, quite rightly, ask for "understanding owners with experience of this nature", which honestly, we're not, and unless you're all experts in ex-fighting dog behaviour, nor are you. So... yeah.'

Niskayuna, this >> 'abandoned by owners who have bred them but found them unsuitable for dog fighting, or they can fight no longer' is as far from the truth as you could possibly get!!!!

I work with nearly thirty council pounds throughout the whole of the UK addressing and finding rescue places for every single one of their dogs so they're not put to sleep after seven days. In the many years I've been doing this I've dealt with literally tens of thousands of stray, abandoned or otherwise relinquished dogs so I know what the heck I'm talking about. This is absolute tosh! You are right that there are a huge number of Staffies in rescue, but that's because of complete, total and utter morons who can't be arsed to neuter their pet dogs, or who breed from them to make a bit of extra cash... They sell the puppies to ridiculously unsuitable homes and they inevitably get chucked out when the new owners get bored. There's nothing wrong with the dogs themselves, and the vast majority are wonderful, soppy lumps who live other songs and would walk on two legs or do back flips if they thought it'd please you!!

R.e. Dogs used for dog fighting, this is definitely an issue, but the horrible truth is the bastards who do this either kill the dogs, or if they're caught and the dogs are seized then they're normally pts because it's not safe to rehome them. It's horrific. The people who run these fighting rings train the dogs using animals found advertised 'free to good home' as bait. Cats, dogs, rabbits, whatever they can get their hands on. It's sick! Sometimes we manage to rescue the animals used as bait and despite their ordeals if they can be physically fixed with veterinary attention then they can normally be rehabilitated and go on to have a good quality of life. A lot of them are either killed or their injuries are too extensive to be able to save them though. It's beyond heartbreaking and I don't know how these arseholes who torture animals like that can live with themselves, I really don't. Honestly though, the vast majority of Staffies you see in rescues have never been anything other than family pets and have simply been abandoned or relinquished due to a change in the owner's circumstances. They are sweethearts and I'd take them all home in a heartbeat if I could!!!

Different rescues have different policies regarding rehoming criteria. There is usually a genuine reason behind it and chances are the policies have come about because of past experiences by the rescue, and the fact they want to do the best for the animals in their care.

R.e. Rehoming to people who rent, you would not believe how many animals were are asked to help with because landlords have suddenly decided the pets have to be evicted, or an owner is moving from one rental property where animals were allowed to another where they're not and they can't take their animals with them. Seriously, rescues are inundated with requests like these every single day, so if they won't rehome to someone in a rented property that's generally why. On saying that plenty will. I myself was in rented until recently and I had a house full of rescue animals!

Please don't give up though. There are hundreds of rescues in the UK, and a lot of the smaller ones especially look at every application individually and will work hard to find an animal who would suit the family, living situation, etc perfectly. They tend to be a lot more flexible than some of the larger, more well-known rescues. There are dogs out there to suit every family, including ones with tiny babies and children!

P.s. To whoever it was who questioned me a bit further up, yes, I am talking about the street dogs. Some might be a little bit nervous at first but they're not stupid, and shown a little bit of love and tlc, a warm bed and a good meal and they'll be your best and most appreciative friend ever!!!

WatchingIZombie · 23/02/2017 19:41

OP, we do work with rescues in Scotland and others across the UK who will allow dogs to travel. You are more than welcome to PM me and let me know a bit about what you're looking for exactly and I'll see if I can match you up with a suitable dog in rescue if that helps? X

makadan600 · 23/02/2017 19:43

I'm involved with re homing dogs from Spain.
We time and time again come across cats and dogs run over and left dying in the middle of the road. People buy kittens and puppy's for their children at Christmas and holidays and when they are no longer cute enough they dump them on the road to be run over and die. Cats and dogs are mostly all entire so the production of puppies and kittens never stops. They are mostly dumped out in the campo or roam around starving, surviving on scraps in the town. We have seen this with our own eyes and the Spanish tell us about incidents. Then at the end of hunting season it can be gruesome. Dogs are hung, shot,,, you don't want to know the rest!!! It's nothing like the UK and the dog rescues here are luxury compared to the spanish 'kill stations' Some of the dogs are adult, some are puppy's. We have sucesssfully re homed loads in the uk, and all have settled well. I think you have probably picked the wrong rescue to help you, some people involved with rescue work can be very controlling. But it's still a good thing to do, so don't let it put you off.

didofido · 23/02/2017 19:44

You could try these people -
www.adopt-a-griffon.eu/en/adoption/

I know two families who have had dogs from them and both are lovely animals. They arrange travel. Take a look at their web-site.

ProphetOfDoom · 23/02/2017 19:48

Was listening to a lady on R4 who had adopted a dog from Romania that had ticks thst infested the other pets & the whole house. She had to get rid of carpets, curtains, soft furnishings & have the place professionally fumigated. She thought the problem was solved, refurnished the house & once the weather warmed up the ticks reappeared. It had cost her near 8k. She still has the dog but it was a costly rescue in every sense of the word. I mention it because she was an experienced dog owner warning others.

OP - have you looked on FB for the small independent rescues? It's how we found our rescue.
I'm guessing at geography here but would here be any use?
www.mrsmurrays.co.uk

bellbottomedtear · 23/02/2017 19:53

We rescued from many tears Google them they are really good. Based in Wales but foster all over uk

Lynnm63 · 23/02/2017 19:55

I hope you find a dog, maybe some of the people posting here will help. I understand how annoying it is to have your time wasted. I think I can win the most ridiculous reason to refuse a rescue dog. We wanted an OES and approached the national breed rescue via the kennel club. The only thing we failed on was we weren't married so what would happen to the dog when we split up. I had applied as Miss so no confusion there. I pointed out that a marriage cert doesn't guarantee you'll stay together but no joy. We bought our first dog three months later. I took great pleasure in telling them no thank you when they called me six months later.

beachbaby18 · 23/02/2017 19:56

I rescued our dog from APASA in Spain.

She's been with us ten years now and has been the perfect pet for our family. She is soft and gentle with the DC, so loving and had no major issues.

I woukd def do it again, our dog had a terrible statt in life but she's been happy since she found us x

Oldandhappy · 23/02/2017 19:56

De lurking for this post - would this be of any help: www.rescuescottishpets.co.uk/Pets/rescue-dogs-scotland there seems to be a number of different rescues listed down the left, Good luck x

Shurleyshummishtake · 23/02/2017 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Geobaby · 23/02/2017 20:04

For what it's worth, we have a Romanian rescue dog and she's the best dog in the world. A bit funny looking mind you! She's fab with our young children and our cats, so loving and loyal. We were forced to adopt a foreign rescue dog because British shelters wouldn't consider us because of the age of our children. We really wanted to adopt rather than buy a puppy. So glad we did. Sound like you've had a bit of a negative experience, but foreign dog rescues usually have a good reason for saying no. Please don't give up. The right rescue dog is out there for you, whether it be from a uk or overseas shelter.

Craigie · 23/02/2017 20:09

YABTU. Get a dog from a UK shelter. We do not need to import more animals when so many here are without homes. If you want to help animals overseas, then support an appropriate charity.

Baybay16 · 23/02/2017 20:17

Craigie oh my God join the list of people I am ignoring. I have explained several times my reasoning and so have others about how difficult it can be, your know it all attitude and throw away advice. So ignorant it's unbelievable

OP posts:
MipMipMip · 23/02/2017 20:19

Try here www.findingfureverhomes.org.uk
They have loads of dogs and are very well connected if there's nothing suitable.

Baybay16 · 23/02/2017 20:21

sparemum &Oldandhappy thank you thats actually really helpful x

Shurleyshummishtake I am joined to a few groups and think maybe the westie one ? Will check it out too x

beachbaby18 never heard of them going to research xx thanks

Lynnm63 that is so ridiculous!!! It makes me sad how difficult it is to rescue when so many need homes

OP posts:
Baybay16 · 23/02/2017 20:23

viques good point about the stairs I will enquiry and take their advice on what they think x

Serialweightwatcher the stairs were a problem as they think I would get bored taking her out for toilet training

OP posts:
choccywoccywoowah · 23/02/2017 20:27

The whole 'we have got plenty of dogs here that need homes' theme on this thread reminds me of the old 'help our own first' rhetoric that seems to be so politically prevalent right now.

lanalawr · 23/02/2017 20:28

Sorry haven't rtft. Have you looked at many tears? Our local council run dogs home also sometimes rehome away from the area (I think they mentioned a dog who travelled to Scotland - a volunteer took the dog halfway and met the new owners there to swap over). It might be worth looking at something like that too.

samsam123 · 23/02/2017 20:30

i rescued from Cyprus and he is the loveliest dog very sweet natured and NOT a complete waste of resources WTF I know of literary hundreds of very successfully rehomed dogs from Spain, Cyprus and Romania , dont they deserve a good home as well

cheval · 23/02/2017 20:31

I know of someone who adopted a dog from a Greek rescue centre. Was brought to UK, Immunised etc. Lovely dog. Has been highly successful.
Years ago, I was turned down flat by a cat rescue charity because I had a three year old child! Eventually got a kitten through a friend. She got on with said child just fine.