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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be so upset and think they shouldn't have led me on

189 replies

Baybay16 · 22/02/2017 19:59

I was going through the process of adopting a romanian dog rescue. I have been putting off getting a dog for ages but finally decided after like two years when I saw this little puppy they posted.

I applied and was told I have been successful and they need to do a homecheck, I didn't get my hopes up too much as I have heard of people being unsuccessful from little things.

Just before the homecheck I was on their private secret fb group and commented that I was waiting for a homecheck, a volunteer replied that she was with the puppy that I applied for straight away, she sent me photos and said things like "you will fall in love with her when you see her" "she can't wait to come home to you". "Your puppy can't wait to see you" it was really nice of the lady and not going to lie got my hopes up.

Then the homecheck: the lady chatted away to me and at the end said 'I don't think there will be any problems, I will send off forms but I would prepare for puppy's name' if I were you '
We were still kind of holding our breaths at the this point but getting excited.

That night got a facebook message from homecheck lady who said thats the forms sent off, she said she can't wait to see my photos of the puppy and that she can puppy sit whenever I need.

Then yesterday got a phone call who said they won't let me have a puppy as I have stairs in my flat building and they don't think it would be a good idea for training. I explained that there will always be someone with her and we are dedicated to her training and my flat building is very small ( a terraced house converted into 6 flats on three floors ) there is probably more stairs in my mother's house than my flat building. She said she will discuss it with team and homecheck lady and get back to me as she think it would be a great home for the puppy we would be a great match and her heart is telling her yes.

Another phone call again today, it is definitely a no. She said since our check was overall good we can start the process for another dog but I feel disheartened by the whole thing. I would have never gotten my.hopes like this if it wasn't for everyone else sounding so sure.

AIBU to be so upset?? maybe I shouldn't have been so naive. Has this happened to anyone else ?

OP posts:
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7
MoosicalDaisy · 23/02/2017 09:45

Sounds like they wanted the puppy for themselves, since he was a puppy rather than a dog, or they had a friend who wanted him. I adopted a cat from abroad and he has an issue that was never mentioned, and sad to say i wouldn't have agreed to the adoption had i known about it. They said they thought it wasn't an issue.

Original poster
Baybay16 · 23/02/2017 12:51

Penfold007 I commented further up how I have found it difficult to rescue from local shelters. The SSPCA are very difficult to apply with and have told me they won't be rehoming to a city centre, which is a shame but sure they have their reasons

OP posts:
Original poster
Baybay16 · 23/02/2017 12:52

Loving your dog photos, just lovely 😍

OP posts:
Original poster
Baybay16 · 23/02/2017 12:54

My family has two retrievers and they are lovely. I miss them so much since moving away two years ago, hence wanting my own dog. I will definitely look in to the IRR thanks for all the suggestions x

OP posts:
Original poster
Baybay16 · 23/02/2017 13:03

I do realise training maybe a little more difficult which is why I have thought about it thoroughly, I have thought about it for two years and have not taken the decision lightly. I can't be the only ever person to want a puppy that lives in the city centre?? Girls at work are getting puppies and all live in flats and it's no problem, we are ten minutes walk from a massive park and our garden is huge. We are about 20 minutes walk from the beach. We have been babysitting my sisters pug here since she was 3 months old and it is never a problem.
I just get frustrated that I am trying to do something good and rescue and its problem after problem and people can go and buy a puppy very easily.

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 23/02/2017 13:11

WatchingIZombie
'The adult dogs are often feral and unsuitable for pet homes'
I work in rescue and can assure you that this is absolute rubbish!

Did you actually read my post? I was talking about the dogs pulled off the street in places like Romania. If you've never met a feral one, good for you. You've been very lucky. But they are the norm from that source, not the exception.

OP lives in a city centre and needs a well balanced dog.

debbs77 · 23/02/2017 17:37

I can highly recommend SPDC rescue in Cyprus. I have my gorgeous boy from there, have fostered from there, and four friends have rescued from the same place. They are amazing. I had to goffer with a rescue abroad as UK ones won't rehome with children under 5. They really are wonderful people and will match you to the perfect dog xxx

lolalola19 · 23/02/2017 17:52

So many dogs need homes all over the world then these rescue places say new homes are 'not suitable'. It really is ridiculous - I feel so sorry for the kind hearted lady that started this thread, to go through all the form filling, sounds like you really care and you're doing such a good thing. Some of these people in the rescue centres are power crazy - that puppy would then be in a foster home for several more weeks - not a good start for it. So sad for you Baybay16 :-(

lolalola19 · 23/02/2017 17:54

Baybay16 - ignore all the negative people. If a tramp living on the streets can care for a dog then I'm sure anyone can! As long as a dog has a loving owner that will care for it and keep it healthy then it doesn't care where it lives! X

Strongmummy · 23/02/2017 18:01

Wrong to get your hopes up, but I'm thoroughly perplexed as to why you're adopting a dog from abroad!!!

Hadoop · 23/02/2017 18:09

OP -- are you sure you are not being scammed? How much money have you paid out to this charity to date?

I have a work colleague who paid out £175 to a Spanish charity for a min pin she wanted to give a home to only to fail the home checks. After that she was invited to begin the process again for another £175. She declined.

HeeHighls · 23/02/2017 18:13

" Adopting dogs from abroad confused WTAF?!!! What a waste of fucking money! Get a dog from a rescue centre here for Christs sake!"

No borders remember! Everyone welcome. Including dogs.

Niskayuna · 23/02/2017 18:21

There are UK charities and rescues that act as go-betweens between UK and European centres. The OP didn't say she was literally speaking to the Romanian shelter. It could be a UK shelter with a system of bringing them over. It isn't uncommon. Go on Dogsblog and start browsing and it won't be long before the Euro pups come up.

"Adopting dogs from abroad confused WTAF?!!! What a waste of fucking money! Get a dog from a rescue centre here for Christs sake!"

Yeah, about that. It's not that easy. For example,

  1. Of the eight shelters within 30 miles of myself, none will let you adopt if you have children under 8. Some say under 5, but 3 say 8. So, no family pet here.

  2. Also can't have a dog if you work, because they don't allow the dogs to be left alone at all (I can appreciate you can't leave it in the beginning, nor for long periods, but we have heard people being refused on the basis of a couple of hours or of having relatives in to pet-sit - simply not good enough.)

  3. The shelters here are victims of local circumstances... that is to say, they are overrun with Staffordshire Bull Terriers who have been thrown out and abandoned by owners who have bred them but found them unsuitable for dog fighting, or they can fight no longer. They are scarred and deeply traumatised. The shelters, quite rightly, ask for "understanding owners with experience of this nature", which honestly, we're not, and unless you're all experts in ex-fighting dog behaviour, nor are you. So... yeah.

Oh, and we can't adopt cats either, they said they don't rehome to homes "on a road." I rang and explained it wasn't a busy road but they were adamant. No roads. So I guess their cats will only go to mountain huts and country piles with acres of land, then?

So this makes me, average person looking for average family dog - or cat - understand perfectly well why people eventually tire of trying to adopt from local shelters. Obviously the shelters have dogs with trauma and lots of needs, and quite frankly the way they phrase it many average people simply can't meet them. I've searched further afield but the restrictions are the same. "No children." "Preferably a couple that don't work." "Extensive experience of this breed necessary." We're not good enough!

Adopting from the EU - which, like I say, can take place through charities or organisations based here, or can be done in conjunction with a shelter with an agreement - can easily look like a much better bet when you're options locally are to be offered an ex-fighting staffie only to then be told you're not good enough. We have dogs here that literally cannot be rehomed to the average British family and dogs THERE that cannot be rehomed locally, but the average British family can.

FurryLittleTwerp · 23/02/2017 18:21

Bay there is an animal shelter place near Thurso, or at least there was a couple of years ago or so - are you that far north?

I found a family of stray kittens, the mother being just half-grown, & the landlady where we were on holiday arranged collection of them.

TheFirstMrsDV · 23/02/2017 18:27

What a waste of fucking money!

Why on earth is it a waste of money?

Zaphodsotherhead · 23/02/2017 18:28

Nisk and a lot of rescue centres won't let you adopt if you don't own your own home. I rent and was rejected (for a fucking RABBIT, of all things, and I've got half an acre of garden!). My landlords allow me to have any animals I choose, but rescue centres won't have that. I understand that sometimes renters can move about a lot, but I've been in this house for over twenty years.

So I've got a pair of terriers that are locally bred. Still want a big dog though, and if Greyhound Rescue are amenable....

TheFirstMrsDV · 23/02/2017 18:28

I have been berated by a couple of dog owners for getting a forrin dog.
They had 'pedigrees' of course.

So I ignored them. Why does it matter what country a dog comes from?

LostSight · 23/02/2017 18:31

Have you asked in your local vets / PDSA? People often approach clinics when they want to rehome.

Lancelottie · 23/02/2017 18:34

Zaphod, we were once rejected as a suitable home for a guinea pig, on the grounds that our other guinea pig 'looked depressed'.

RachelRagged · 23/02/2017 18:35

I enquired about a Romanian dog . Sounded very lovely , had a dear little face . Anyway I got a phone call after registering my interest and we had a chat and she said I sound ideal , , , then the phone cut out ! I immeditely rung back and left a message on the ladies mobile as it went to messages I also emailed the lady in Romania who had first contacted me , twice .. No reponses at all .
I have since decided not to get a dog but I would certainly have taken her in , I hope somebody does , darling little girl that she looks

Hadoop · 23/02/2017 18:36

We live near a busy road and the Cats protection society allowed us to adopt our furry terrors without any fuss after a home inspection. Might be worth talking to a local branch.

Original poster
Baybay16 · 23/02/2017 18:42

A lot of these I addressed on the first page, such as the money thing- haven't paid them a penny so no I haven't been scammed. It is a legitamate authorised charity based in the UK. I haven't learnt romanian to try and buy a random dog out there.
Local- not really possible I explain on first page. Notoriously difficult as a lot of people have also shared.

OP posts:
Original poster
Baybay16 · 23/02/2017 18:45

FurryLittleTwerp I am more north east area but will still check out the rescue x

Niskayuna thank you ! Very well put... could bang my head against a wall if one more person says ' what's wrong with local ?! '
The reasons I have been given are ridiculous!

Thanks to everyone thay understands and sorry to everyone who has experienced how difficult it is. Loved all the suggestions I have followed all the rescues on fb and book marked them so the hunt begins again x

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 23/02/2017 18:47

No doubt this won't be a popular opinion but, in your circumstances OP, I would be looking on Gumtree and in local papers for litters for sale. I would normally totally advocate adopting from a rescue (mine are both rescues) but your options do seem to be very limited and, the way I see it, taking a pup from a litter which may otherwise end up with unsuitable (or worse) owners is as much 'rescuing' as adopting from a reputable rescue centre.

You sound like you will be a responsible owner and it's a shame you're finding it so difficult although I do understand why rescues have to have such strict criteria. We rescued from a small, foster based local rescue and they do generally seem less strict but if you don't have anything like that in your area your options are obviously limited. Back yard breeding is never something which should be encouraged but if you've exhausted other options at least one pup would be going to a good home with you.

SeniorMum · 23/02/2017 18:59

Hi all.

Firstly, it is a real shame that you didn't get the puppy, but I don't think it was done maliciously.

Secondly, I am in the process of rehabilitating two Romanian rescue dogs. They have a lot to learn, but I am very glad I took them in. The charity I found is doing their best for these dogs and is very helpful and understanding for all new adopters. (People aren't typically added to the private group untill the housecheck is complete and adoption agreed)

Yes, there are dogs waiting in UK rescues, but I found our charities to be far harder to work with. They didn't like that my partner and I both work so a dog may be alone for a few hours some days, like 22+ hrs a day in a kennel is better!

However, adopting a stray is not a good idea as a first time pet... I have no idea how experienced a dog owner you are, but if a first timer, please ensure you know what you are taking on. :-)