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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lending money with conditions

412 replies

p5oebe · 22/02/2017 09:26

Dh has been made redundant (bloody brexit) & frantically searching for another job but its really difficult as his work is very specific. I work but low paid & we have a max mortgage that we can only afford with his salary. I also have two pre schoolers at home.

Dm has very kindly offered to tide us over if it comes to that, they are very well off & adore the grandkids & extremely generous with gifts for them etc

The only thing is she has insisted we stop shopping at Waitrose, Boden & our favourite shops basically she is a reverse snob (?) and doesnt miss an opportunity to tell me what a waste Waitrose is. I am very particular about food & what the kids eat. We dont have a freezer or microwave & i find it so much easier to shop fresh somewhere i trust. I spend approx £150 a week for the four of us.
We hardly drink & rarely buy clothes for dh & I but obviously the kids need new clothes regularly. She's basically said i don't want you to waste my money!

OP posts:
VacantExpression · 22/02/2017 10:14

OP it seems strange that facing the inability to pay your mortgage you are even thinking about where you get your childrens clothes from?

I am quite particular too sometimes, I avoid Primark but buy lots of second hand clothes for my DC, even Boden! I also go to charity shops in "posh" areas got my daughter a lovely Monsoon dress for a wedding last year.

I have also lent money to watch it get pissed up the wall, never ever will i do that again, I think your mum is quite right to lend with conditions. Perhaps her thriftiness and eye for a bargain has helped furnish her with the ability to be lending you money in the first place??

therealmrsjolly · 22/02/2017 10:15

If you were my daughter and said i feel sick at the thought of discount food I would be ashamed. This...

You do realise there are people starving in the world, right??

Megatherium · 22/02/2017 10:15

If you've never seen any good quality second hand clothing, you haven't looked. My nephew does rather well buying up designer clothes in charity shops and jumble sales and eBaying them. But then I guess a person who can't contemplate any supermarket other than Waitrose doesn't go into charity shops.

Owlzes · 22/02/2017 10:15

I get the Waitrose love. I try and shop there for ethical reasons (they are one of the few supermarkets to pay fair price to dairy farmers, for example) but when my DP was made redundant, we didn't.

Although I do find it a bit 'eurgh' when people give money with strings attached. It's pretty infantilising. But that's the shitty thing about these situations - you just have to take what you can get and your DM is being a lot nicer than the dole would be.

namechangedtoday15 · 22/02/2017 10:15

Assuming this is real...

Its all well and good to have standards and want to stick to them. When you can afford it, thats fine, no-one elses business.

But you can't afford it now. End of. Your mother is willing to lend you her (no doubt hard earned, saved over a period of years) money to pay your mortgage if you can't. But I presume its not a bottomless pit and at some point, she'll need that money to keep her in her retirement etc.

What she's saying is that what money you do have must be use wisely now you're skint. As everyone has said, spending £150 a week on food for 4 of you (plus the Boden clothes) is ridiculous when you can't afford it.

It's actually pretty selfish - you could potentially save at least £50 a week on food, plus whatever you'd save on clothes, so £200-£300 a month maybe - thats £200-£300 that you could put towards your mortgage payment and wouldn't have to borrow from your mother - but you're saying you're not willing to do that even though your mother will have to do without that money because you still want your children dressed in Boden and eat Waitrose chickens? Really?

Birdsbeesandtrees · 22/02/2017 10:15

I'm sure the kids will just shrivel up and die if they had to wear anything that isn't designer. Hmm

Birdsbeesandtrees · 22/02/2017 10:16

If you were my daughter and said i feel sick at the thought of discount food I would be ashamed

This. I would be as well.

BlisseyMon · 22/02/2017 10:17

Never a borrower or a lender be....

HecateAntaia · 22/02/2017 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 22/02/2017 10:18

Why is everyone wasting time and energy either getting indignant or offering advice when the op is obviously a blatant pisstake?

AuntieStella · 22/02/2017 10:18

I think the Sudan Red scandal proved beyond doubt that Waitrose food is exactly the same as that in cheaper retailers.

OP: as you find the current offer unacceptable, all you need do is decline it.

Then balance your books your own way.

bigearsthethird · 22/02/2017 10:18

Is this a wind up?

ALemonyPea · 22/02/2017 10:19

Do you really need to shop for clothes every week then? Shop at Tesco/Asda and appreciate the help that has been offered. You're just being weird.

NorksAkimbo72 · 22/02/2017 10:19

Ffs OP...seriously?? Aldi has great free range chicken, rarely buy anything with sweetener in, and if you could provide a credible link for the microwave thing, that would be great.
It's all fine and well to be ethical in your shopping...when you can afford It! I do try to pay attention to labels for additives And stuff...but with fruit and veg, there is no difference from Aldi to Waitrose. If you can't bear the thought of cheaper meat, stop eating meat for a while. If you dont want squash with sweetener, the dcs can drink plain water or milk. Stop shopping at expensive clothing shops, particularly when your children are so young and grow out of things in minutes! Look at local selling sites on FB for second hand clothes...there are always lots in my area, or find friends who have dcs a bit older than yours who might hand things down. Charity shops require some digging for sizes, but you will be able to find clothes for dcs...what difference does the brand make?? They need to be clean and warm.
You are absolutely BU for spending £150 pw on groceries...i feed 4 people, one of whom is a 10 year old boy for whom eating is a sport, and I manage on around £50 a week. We can afford Waitrose, but why would I?

Birdsbeesandtrees · 22/02/2017 10:19

Imagine having to live in the real world and not having enough money to shop at Waitrose Shock

Just dreadful. Perhaps we should start a go fund me so OP doesn't have to mix with the rest of us and eat chicken that wasn't hand raised and fed organic gold leaf.

chantico · 22/02/2017 10:19

"Why is everyone wasting time and energy either getting indignant or offering advice when the op is obviously a blatant pisstake?"

Because pisstakes can be fun.

(not if it becomes PO, though)

derxa · 22/02/2017 10:20

I don't for one second believe that labelling standards are upheld anyone remember horse meat scandal? Well at least it's meat. The French eat it all the time. I know what you mean OP. Even if I was down to my last penny I would spend it in Waitrose. Wink

WayfaringStranger · 22/02/2017 10:20

YANBU Hun. :( :( so sad for you. Xx

sobeyondthehills · 22/02/2017 10:21

OP

For the second time in a few months, have bought a pack of oranges for my son from waitrose and had to take them back due to mouldy ones.

Megatherium · 22/02/2017 10:21

Your children are pre-school, they have no idea whether they're wearing Boden or anything else, and they don't care. However, I'm sure they will care if or when they lose their home.

I do hope you walking or cycling for all those visits to Waitrose?

Loving the idea that using microwaves is more harmful than using woodburners. Have you seen what all those soot particles do to people's lungs?

evensmilingmakesmyfacehurt · 22/02/2017 10:21
Biscuit

Hand yourself a grip OP. All the fruit & beg comes from the same place and is just divvied off to different supermarkets. As for not wanting to go to another supermarket and check labels - man the fuck up! You don't have a choice if you're that desperate for money.

I would rather shop in Lidl and have a roof over my head than shop in Waitrose and be homeless.

MNHQ
KatherineMumsnet · 22/02/2017 10:22

Hi all,

This OP has indeed been around for a long time - can we call halt to the troll-hunting please? Bit o' peace and love, too?

Shelvesoutofbooks · 22/02/2017 10:23

I actually have a friend who hasn't paid her nanny in weeks, has no food in the house, yet borrowed money and insisted on shopping with ocado (after I said she should go to lidl), goes out to artisan bakeries for bread and buys her child boutique clothes even tho she's broke. (Her excuse was "it was on sale" err yeah but those boots are £90 on sale and your child already has 5 pairs that she isnmt wearing anyway. Not to mention she buys her expensive dresses and then doesn't let her wear them because "they'll get ruined")This is a real person.

ElvishArchdruid · 22/02/2017 10:24

Fuck me, my children eat fresh healthy food, that would feed us for a month if not more.

You want MIL to pay for Waitrose & Boden etc? Like seriously? No one is saying you have to slum is with the rest of us in Aldi, God forbid, but would Sainsburys or a local farmers shop be a compromise. They do boxes of fresh veggies for a deal. If they have a butchers they might even do a meat & veg pack.

Original poster
p5oebe · 22/02/2017 10:24

You are misunderstanding me, we all have different priorities and that's ok isn't it?
I don't judge anyone for shopping where they want to.
But we don't have gadgets, iphones, DVDs, fancy cars and so on. Before the kids came along I bought a small amount of very good food as we were living in a caravan while renovating the house. I prioritise food now & good quality clothing.
So none of you shop at Waitrose or are you just too afraid to say in cade you get called a troll Hmm
Im not flouncing btw, I have to go!

OP posts: