Lending money with conditions

[p5oebe]

Dh has been made redundant (bloody brexit) & frantically searching for another job but its really difficult as his work is very specific. I work but low paid & we have a max mortgage that we can only afford with his salary. I also have two pre schoolers at home.

Dm has very kindly offered to tide us over if it comes to that, they are very well off & adore the grandkids & extremely generous with gifts for them etc

The only thing is she has insisted we stop shopping at Waitrose, Boden & our favourite shops basically she is a reverse snob (?) and doesnt miss an opportunity to tell me what a waste Waitrose is. I am very particular about food & what the kids eat. We dont have a freezer or microwave & i find it so much easier to shop fresh somewhere i trust. I spend approx £150 a week for the four of us.
We hardly drink & rarely buy clothes for dh & I but obviously the kids need new clothes regularly. She's basically said i don't want you to waste my money!

If you don't want the strings attached, say no nicely and seek a different benefactor.

Happy hunting!

Yabu
Doesn't sound like she's a reverse snob. Sounds like she's being realistic about what you can and cannot afford.
And as for feeling sick at the thought of "discount" food. Get over yourself. A carrot is a carrot whether it comes from waitrose or lidl.

Nobody would prioritise premium food and clothes over paying the mortgage. At least I hope not.

You must be taking the piss.

YABU for not realising that your spending affects how much money you have to pay towards your mortgage inthe first place.

This can't be real. No one could possibly think you can only buy fresh food in Waitrose and you have to buy micro wave meals in Asda or Aldi.

You're hilarious.

You don't need to shop at a certain supermarket to eat healthily. And your kids won't notice their clothes changing for a few months unless you make an issue of it.

Essentially, you can want what you want but you can't afford it so you'll have to suck it up. I think she's probably putting those conditions in place so the money that she is (very kindly) letting you use to tide you over, lasts as long as possible. Cut your cloth accordinglY

How many boxes does this tick?

We gots yer waitrose, we gots yer boden, we gots yer snobbery over primark, we gots yer knitting, we gots yer woodland and chickens. Not forgetting brexit!

Any more for any more...?

If you didn't spend so much on food, you could probably afford a telly and a freezer. It's a win win!

You are being ridiculous

If your mother doesn't lend you money you'll be up shit creek. If she does you can shop at Asda and eat and clothe your children. Simple decision.

Get a fucking grip.

A SECOND HAND CAR??!! And DH CYCLES!

😂😂😂😂😂

OP I would reach for the citizens advice boureau because there might be a breach of human rights here.

I feel sick at the thought of discount food though sad
She occasionally gives us Primark clothes & they're just so thin & scratchy i don't think the kids would want to wear them

Article 42.3 parragraph a clearly states that children must never be given scratchy clothes.

Discount food?!!! Is she having a laugh?!!! {shock horror}

Ahhhhh OP you have cheered me up. I say then you need to refuse the money and see how you cope.

Ahhhh too good to be true

If it is real you are being ridiculous, yes.

Your DH has lost his job, you have the real threat of losing your house and you are stressing about not being able to shop at Boden and Waitrose. Pretty ridiculous in anyone's book.

I don't think it is real though as I don't honestly believe anyone would think like that.

Its not that i think you can't buy healthy elsewhere its just that i know in Waitrose the food is good & i don't have to spend hours checking labels for aspartame and all that rubbish. I've been an MNer over 10 years!

How the bloody hell are you going to cope

There there.

1/10

That said, I've never posted in AIBU

Sounds as though you don't realise how precarious the position you are describing is.

I don't think anybody in their right mind would shop at waitrose and boden if they didn't have enough coming in to pay the mortgage.

Any chance of you explaining precisely what makes a Waitrose apple healthier than an Aldi one?

You're coming across like a dick OP, your life as you describe it now is probably how a good percentage of the population lives every single fucking day. Grow up

You're quite right. Children who eat palm oil once have been shown to have a 100% probability of serving a prison sentence. And 100% of children who wear Primark clothes are pregnant by the age of 15. Even if they're male.

Have you ever helped someone out financially and then watched them piss your money up the wall?

I have. I would now only ever lend with conditions.

Welcome to the real world, by the way.

Get a decent blender and make your own peanut butter if you're worried about palm oil. Buy in bulk where you can and batch cook portions to save in a freezer and just keep track of what you have. There are plenty of places online where you can bulk buy certain foods. Even without going to aldi/lidl there are easy ways you can save money.

This is a reverse and you are the lender, right?
Because no one would actually admit to being so ridiculous...

Buy second-hand Boden clothes if that is all they'll wear

But you really think it is 'more economical' to spend £150 a week on food that to buy a freezer?

If you are such a hippy yogurt knitter puritan about food, you could always make peanut butter to save money... Only need peanuts, a blender and a tiny bit of salt

youre kids arent twins by any chance are they OP?

OP the only thing that makes sense to me is the palm oil. I refuse it for ethical reasons but then I am just not buying the peanut butter if I cant afford it.
Simples