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AIBU?

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Original poster

Lending money with conditions

412 replies

p5oebe · 22/02/2017 09:26

Dh has been made redundant (bloody brexit) & frantically searching for another job but its really difficult as his work is very specific. I work but low paid & we have a max mortgage that we can only afford with his salary. I also have two pre schoolers at home.

Dm has very kindly offered to tide us over if it comes to that, they are very well off & adore the grandkids & extremely generous with gifts for them etc

The only thing is she has insisted we stop shopping at Waitrose, Boden & our favourite shops basically she is a reverse snob (?) and doesnt miss an opportunity to tell me what a waste Waitrose is. I am very particular about food & what the kids eat. We dont have a freezer or microwave & i find it so much easier to shop fresh somewhere i trust. I spend approx £150 a week for the four of us.
We hardly drink & rarely buy clothes for dh & I but obviously the kids need new clothes regularly. She's basically said i don't want you to waste my money!

OP posts:
Birdsbeesandtrees · 22/02/2017 10:24

It's painful - if OP wasn't such a snob she probably wouldn't even need to borrow the money.

londonrach · 22/02/2017 10:25

£150 is an awful lot. I found waitrose fruit and veg were awful compared to ldll. Manged for two years on £30 per week for everything and we eat well. I hate pasta so it was meat, veg and potatoes etc. Id look at reducing your weekly spend and get some better quality food from ldll. Best baby clothes at the moment or asda and sainsburys!

Birdsbeesandtrees · 22/02/2017 10:25

I love Waitrose. Just not daft enough to keep shopping there when I can't actually afford it because I'm too snobby to go to Aldi.

KitKat1985 · 22/02/2017 10:25

I understand why you feel frustrated at your DM putting conditions on your loan money, but it's her money so ultimately so she can put conditions on loaning you money if she wishes too. It does come across in your posts that you haven't accepted the reality of your situation. With your DH being out of work and no other work on the horizon for him, and a big mortgage, you HAVE to make cutbacks or else you are going to end up in some serious financial hot water. Shopping at Waitrose and Boden is fine if you can afford it, but you can't right now, and so you need to come to terms with this.

I agree you need to shop in a cheaper supermarket. And set up an ebay account and buy the kids clothes second hand if you don't want to shop in Primark. Is there any temp work you or your DH could do for a bit to keep the wolf from the door? Do you have any odd bits and bobs lying around that you don't need anymore which you could sell?

InfiniteSheldon · 22/02/2017 10:26

If you like to shop ethically try the Co op they have a better track record than Waitrose for ethical food production/animal testing/fair trade/parabens etc etc and are much cheaper. Your comments are a bit offensive to those of us who choose to live and shop as ethically and healthily as possible.

Original poster
p5oebe · 22/02/2017 10:26

Thank you Owlze

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 22/02/2017 10:27

How does my weekly Waitrose shop for 2 adults, a 2 year old and 2 dogs come to £80? Cook more from scratch then you won't have to worry some added things you don't like.

We also shop at Lidl sometimes and their fruit and veg produce in particular is brilliant. I would shop there more if they delivered! Although Aldi for nappies...

NorksAkimbo72 · 22/02/2017 10:28

You can get perfectly good food for a lot cheaper elsewhere. You can buy perfectly good, quality clothing elsewhere. You can't afford it right now, so you have to make due with cheaper versions. None of that is judgement about where you shop, OP...it's the difference between your priorities of food and clothes or losing your bloody house!!

WhiskyTangoFoxtrot · 22/02/2017 10:28

"we all have different priorities and that's ok isn't it?"

Yes.

Though it seems everyone other than you finds the choice to prioritise clothes labels and supermarket reputation above paying the mortgage.

Your MIL's priority doesn't match yours, so at least your original question is easy to answer. Just say no.

Then live your life according to your priorities, and with you/DH paying for it all yourself.

derxa · 22/02/2017 10:28

I do shop at Waitrose. I love it. But then I can afford to waste my money there.

FabulouslyGlamourousFerret · 22/02/2017 10:29

Bloody hell, I thought this was actually some sort of 'in joke' that I had missed!

I think you are being entirely reasonable op, tell you mum with her ludicrous reverse snobbery to stick her financial help up her arse! Grin

Alisvolatpropiis · 22/02/2017 10:30

Nothing wrong with people having different priorities (I'm with you on the peanut butter thing, though prefer Whole Earth myself) I think you just need to reprioritise for the time being. Just while your husband is out of work.

There is nothing to be gained in clinging on to a lifestyle that you cannot currently fund.

sobeyondthehills · 22/02/2017 10:30

But your priorities need to change, if you are having difficulty paying the mortgage.

I spend roughly over two hundred quid a month for 2 adults, a child and 3 animals. Your weekly shopping could cover me. You can eat good quality food and not spend a fortune, I get all my meat from the local butcher, who can tell me where the animal was raised.

Veg from farmers markets, we buy second hand clothes from charity shops or from Asda/Tesco. There is no way I am spending a fortune on clothes for my son when it is going to get covered in mud within 5 seconds.

Waitrose, while nice, is expensive. There is a reason they have in their essential range hummus

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 22/02/2017 10:30

I don't shop at waitrose because there isn't one near me. I have on occasion nipped into Booths when I've been in Ilkley though... Much more refined than waitrose daaahling. Grin

londonrach · 22/02/2017 10:31

Op i could now shop at waitrose but i dont like their quality so choose ldll. Waitrose can not make cakes. Not that i buy many but they dry and tasteless. As mentioned before quality on veg isnt good. They do make good ready meals but compared to cooking from stratch its expensive. Saying that been recently impressed with tescos quality. Sainsburys is poor like waitrose. Worse is marks and spencer. I wont ever go through the door now. Op this week i challenge you to buy everything you need for less than £100. Next week do it under £60. I think you be surprised how much you save! Meal planning etc. At the present time you cant afford £150.

Heirhelp · 22/02/2017 10:31

Why do you need to read the labels if you cook from scratch?

ElvishArchdruid · 22/02/2017 10:32

This is so going to make the DM Grin

Why don't you grow your own veggies?

EssentialHummus · 22/02/2017 10:33

It's all good and well to stick to your principles, but "I only shop at Waitrose and Boden" isn't really a principle, it's a commitment to a kind of caricature of middle-class life.

If you're desperate to stick to your brands, go veggie - there's a good principle for you - and get your food spending down, buy Boden second-hand if it's so supremely hard-wearing.

But, like others, if I were you I'd get myself down to Aldi/Lidl. We're not struggling for money and I alternate Aldi with Waitrose weekly. Unless, like my DH, you have a special attachment to particular kinds of overpriced bread and tea, you really won't miss out.

MiddleClassProblem · 22/02/2017 10:33

Horse meat was only ready meals etc though so again, cook more from scratch...

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 22/02/2017 10:33

This is so going to make the DM

Probably not. It'll get pulled soon when OP says it's too identifying.

OllyBJolly · 22/02/2017 10:34

So none of you shop at Waitrose or are you just too afraid to say in cade you get called a troll

I do shop at Waitrose- because I enjoy the experience. If it was a choice between keeping a roof over my DCs' heads and nice wide aisles then it's a no brainer.

Tinkerbec · 22/02/2017 10:35

This reply has been deleted

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Freddorika · 22/02/2017 10:35

If you cook from scratch then there is no need to shop at waitrose.

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 22/02/2017 10:35

I love Waitrose. But for me it's a once in a while treat for nice cheese and fish etc, not a weekly shop.

You've had some sensible suggestions here. How many chickens have you got? Say you have five - that's a month of Sunday roasts right there till your DH can find a temp job. Nothing quite as organic as rearing your own meat not pumped full of water and hormones Wink

BadKnee · 22/02/2017 10:35

Waitrose treat their staff well - far better than all these other shareholder driven icons of cheapness.

It is ironic that as part of a complaint stemming from redundancy the attitude is that treating staff well, (and suppliers) is something that we won't pay for.

I don't work for them but I shop there. I also have a milkman and shop locally. I won't buy from Primark or from anywhere that makes sells clothes for a price that can only be achieved by paying shit wages to people who have no choice.

As for OP - make a case for Waitrose if you can. Prepare a budget to show her that you will ony spend £X on food etc.

And as for the comment about Brexit - sorry your DH was made redundant - but did you also feel the same about the thousands of builders, plumbers, warehouse workers and retail staff who all lost out to cheaper labour courtesy of the EU? It is perhaps easier to understand now.

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