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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Lending money with conditions

412 replies

p5oebe · 22/02/2017 09:26

Dh has been made redundant (bloody brexit) & frantically searching for another job but its really difficult as his work is very specific. I work but low paid & we have a max mortgage that we can only afford with his salary. I also have two pre schoolers at home.

Dm has very kindly offered to tide us over if it comes to that, they are very well off & adore the grandkids & extremely generous with gifts for them etc

The only thing is she has insisted we stop shopping at Waitrose, Boden & our favourite shops basically she is a reverse snob (?) and doesnt miss an opportunity to tell me what a waste Waitrose is. I am very particular about food & what the kids eat. We dont have a freezer or microwave & i find it so much easier to shop fresh somewhere i trust. I spend approx £150 a week for the four of us.
We hardly drink & rarely buy clothes for dh & I but obviously the kids need new clothes regularly. She's basically said i don't want you to waste my money!

OP posts:
Vix2017 · 22/02/2017 22:50
NotAMammy · 22/02/2017 22:52

How do you even spend £150 per week at Waitrose?
Have you done a budget and meal plan for every week? Do you do one big shop and buy pretty much the same every week? If so

a) Be realistic about whether that shop could be done more economically by simple swaps, i.e. big pot of natural yogurt and some frozen berries rather than several individual pots of berry yogurt
b)Put the items into mysupermarket or similar and see how much the price actually differs.

If you can significantly cut your costs through the first out and find out that there isn't much difference in the second, then maybe sit MIL down and show her that. It might be a win/win.

Seriously, buy a freezer - frozen veg is actually healthier than fresh in many cases. www.nhs.uk/change4life/Pages/food-exercise-mythbuster.aspx

Why are you hung up on having a microwave? You don't need one if you don't want one.

MongerTruffle · 22/02/2017 22:55

Thank you OP for cheering me up today.

Most people, however, would prioritise paying the mortgage and utilities bills over having fucking organic biscuits.

Willow2016 · 22/02/2017 22:58

I am wondering if you can post a reliable link to the 'microwaves cause cancer' scare? Most actual cancer charities do not endorse this view and take pains to assure people that cancer didnt come from the microwave!

Most mircrowaves are sealed there are not millions of 'waves' flying out the microwave so could you link to real research on the occaisional use of a microwave causing cancer please?

Oh and I worked in a pastry factory during the busy run up to Xmas one year. Only difference was the wrapping paper that went round it and the extra quality control on the 'posh' stuff. You are paying for a fancy wrapper on all that 'lovely' waitrose stuff.

Vix2017 · 22/02/2017 23:03

Have you not thought of shopping on your local market for fresh fruit, veg, fish and meat? It's brilliant quality. So much fresher than your beloved waitrose and a hell of a lot cheaper. There are people a hell of a lot worse off than you. I think you need to sort your priorities out and pronto. Just saying 😕

DarklyDreamingDexter · 22/02/2017 23:11

This has to be a wind up, right? No one is that much of a snobbish, self deluded twat are they?

EurusHolmesViolin · 22/02/2017 23:16

KC225 there are a number of people who've already lost jobs due to Brexit, even at this early stage. Funding not being renewed, that type of thing.

Original poster
p5oebe · 22/02/2017 23:21

Yes i think one reason dp are well off now is because they were extremely frugal with regards to food. Myself & my siblings hated the constant lentils & reused tea bags & frozen bread sarnies that were hard & gross. I jumped at the chance of tea at friends for 'normal' food! We were constantly being told the price of things & being made to feel bad about money. They still wontveat out incase theyre ripped off. I didn't want that feeling bad thing for my dc but i do want to teach my kids the value of things which i think were dps principles. Its amazing how they buy lego for my dc but wouldn't ever buy anything like that for us Grinim obviously very happy they treat them.
Anyway im trying to explain myself where theres clearly not much point, a lot of assumptions have been made as usual, i don't think dm is a cow for one, really i just wanted affirmation that lending money with conditions made me feel like she was criticising my life choices.
No we don't have any savings at the moment, i had a very good job and built up good savings but that all went on the house (to fund my dream home in the country!) of course we could move if we had to. Im a cleaner at the moment & yes i can easily up my hours when he finishes if thetes nothing to go to. We only found out yesterday about the redundancy, perhaps i shouldn't have told dm so quick until it had all sunken in but we are close & i wanted to talk about it. I wasnt expecting her to jump in with a solution to bail us out, that & the lecture about Waitrose got my back up.
Thetes no lidl/aldi near here anyway butvill be shopping at morrisons tomorrow. I alsso wont be accepting her offer for anyone who's worried about that. I volunteer as a food bank driver (just chucking that in there for those that have called me selfish! Probably won't change your mind but whatevs)

OP posts:
andpeggy29 · 22/02/2017 23:27

I don't believe anyone who says they doesn't own atleast one TV in their house Hmm I believe you are on some bullshit right there!

Original poster
p5oebe · 22/02/2017 23:28

Crap signal no point

OP posts:
andpeggy29 · 22/02/2017 23:31

If you can afford to kit your kids out in Johnnie Boden n spend 150£ a week on groceries, surely you can afford a stronger aerial. Unless your on the Isle of Mull which I highly doubt, no ones to signal is that bad

HecateAntaia · 22/02/2017 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BadLad · 22/02/2017 23:32

They still wontveat out incase theyre ripped off.

But presumably you don't eat out either. I mean, imagine if a bit of a Saintsbury's carrot found its way into your children's stew. The horror!

Tinkerbec · 22/02/2017 23:37

It would be interesting to know the mark up percentages of supermarkets vs production line.

Tinkerbec · 22/02/2017 23:39

It would be interesting to know the mark up percentages of supermarkets vs production line.

crazywriter · 22/02/2017 23:39

Oh please! Give me a break with this! You're not explaining yourself. You're just making excuses and showing off with a dream country home and woodland.

If your budget doesn't allow for it, you don't shop at Waitrose. It's not like you won't get the same quality food elsewhere. You're hung up on views from the past.

Nobody has said this has to be forever. Make a sacrifice now and switch back when your budget allows for it.

DH and I love eating out and. Buying the best quality food. But when budgets don't allow we rein it all in and only spend what we need.

If you don't think YABU (which you are) and didon't want multiple people telling you that you are (seriously you are) then why bother posting here unless it's some sort of weird stealth boast about your home?

Original poster
p5oebe · 22/02/2017 23:44

Sigh ok then and im lying about the TV if it makes you happy Hmm
As an aside, Tesco do deliver to Mull I've seen their vans on the ferry Grin

I unreservedly apologise for the microwave comment, i don't have any proof, i think someone told me that, along with the dangers of cling film etc i have been more paranoid about these things in the past would you believe due to having part of my cervix removed in my early twenties i was looking for reasons in just about everything. Sorry for any worry that's caused anyone Flowers

OP posts:
NotAMammy · 22/02/2017 23:49

You do realise there's a massive difference between reusing teabags and dropping £600 a month on groceries for 2 adults and 2 littlies right?
And that the majority of people live and survive and thrive in that area?
And buy their meridian PB from their local asda and never touched a freys bento in their life?

Fighterofthenightman · 22/02/2017 23:58

When you can't afford to support yourselves and need other people to do so, they'll have opinions on your lifestyle.

PuntCuffin · 23/02/2017 07:07

Actually, I have changed my mind about you. I was sympathetic, read your first post as coming from someone who had just had bad news and was still processing the lifestyle change it was going to bring.
Now you claim to volunteer as a food bank driver. If you really did that, there is no way you could have been so breathtakingly unaware of how crass you sound.
Look at Lady Bountiful over there, dressing in Boden and only buying from Waitrose, she is so wonderful giving her time to those poor people who can't afford to feed themselves, must be so dreadful for them not choosing which fucking shop their handouts are coming from.

Magzmarsh · 23/02/2017 07:38

Hilarious op 😋. Love all the martyred sighing too, nice touch.

HecateAntaia · 23/02/2017 08:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WatchingFromTheWings · 23/02/2017 08:06

Just curious, but you hint that your DH has been made redundant as a result of Brexit. Is this true? The exit plan hasn't been made formal yet.

I have a friend who's hubby is a scientist (does research). He was given his notice within a couple of days of the Brexit vote, out of a job within a month. A lot of research funding was cancelled almost immediately.

RubyWinterstorm · 23/02/2017 08:10

I get (a bit) where you are coming from.

Had to cut back years ago, and started going to Lidl.

Fruit and veg more seasonal, better quality (!) and cheaper and the best thing: not so much unnecessary packaging and 3 for 2 offers (annoying if you want to buy 2 things)

Interestingly, the Lidl swuash has a higher fruit content than Ribena, tastes better, and the full sugar version contains no aspartame.

For a cooker-from-scratch, Lidl had better options than Sainsbo/Tesco or Waitrose.

We don't use a microwave either, and our freezer only houses chips and ice cream (Lidlice cream much nicer than Cornetto's, Magnums and other branded ice cream)

If you cook from scratch it is easy to cut back and cook more lentils (! Yes I mention lentils) and soups (with seasonal veg) and cheapercuts of meat/fish

Good luck

Your DH may find a new job soon anyway!

LisaMed1 · 23/02/2017 08:27

I don't know how old your little ones are but if you can't cope with second hand look out for Matalan and H&M. I have found the school uniform from Matalan lasts longer than M&S. You can get both online and H&M are on TopCashBack.

When ds was little I got some amazing stuff from eBay, you just need to pay attention. I just put 'Boden' into the search engine for kids clothes and got over 7,000 hits. There will be some bargains there. You may also be able to help out the budget by selling outgrown stuff on there.

Good luck.