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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't even know if I'm asking AIBU - I don't know what to think! Postman!

208 replies

strawberrisc · 21/02/2017 13:59

I work in education so I am off work at the moment - along with my 13 year old daughter as it's half-term.

We've already been out for the last few days and so we're having a lazy day today before going out tomorrow. Despite stocking up she fancied a sandwhich with the one filling I don't have and I fancied a walk - albeit a 5 minute one. The shop is literally a 5 minute walk from our cul-de-sac.

I didn't lock the door because a) you can't break wind in this road without everyone knowing b) both sets of neighbours are in and b) I worry about locking the door and there being a fire.

I was gone less then 15 minutes. When I came back my daughter shouted, as I came in 'is that you? Someone opened the door and came in'. When I looked the postman had left a parcel in my hallway.

I don't know what to think for a number of reasons.

He's a decent guy and we've chatted on several occasions. He's been on this route for years.

But also: when I'm in work his collegue leaves one of those awful cards where I have to go all the way to the sorting office. However, this postman always leaves parcels in my lean-to between the wheelie bins. Why on earth would today be any different? It's a quite close so why would he even try the door and not leave the parcel in the usual place?

OP posts:
xStefx · 21/02/2017 15:31

You have clearly not been watching the news lately , im pretty sure most of the awful crimes against children (and adults) this last year took no more than 15 mins to commit? Its frightening and its unfortunately reality.

Do you actually keep on commenting to me because you think im unreasonable for wanting to lock the door when my child is alone? Really? I would pick your arguments better to be honest. No good parent would criticise me for pointing out that a man infact did enter OP's home, and her daughter was there alone (this isn't me being mean, this is fact) could have been avoided with a turn of the key in my eyes

Floggingmolly · 21/02/2017 15:31

Why would you have had to "lock your daughter in the house"? Surely you need a key to get in when it's locked, not out?

blueskyinmarch · 21/02/2017 15:32

Xstefx I am interested too in all the stuff that has happened because a door was left unlocked? In all my years as a child protection social worker I can't think of one single incident that happened because a stranger walked in through an unlocked door and harmed a child. I can think of plenty incidents that happened at home perpetrated by people the child knew and some that happened by random stranger when a child was not at home.

diddl · 21/02/2017 15:33

Ask him when you see him & then tell him to go back to how it was.

"Do people all keep the door locked when they are in? Good lord- why?"

I don't actually lock mine, but it can't be opened from outside without a key.

But Good lord perhaps so that opportunists can't just get in?

NavyandWhite · 21/02/2017 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExitStage · 21/02/2017 15:36

Stef, I didnt say you were unreasonable for locking your door. That's your choice. I do think you're unreasonable for banging on at the OP about her choice.

And thanks for the warning about which arguments I pick, but again that's my choice.

I also think the chances of something happening are small.

So, as Bertrand asked. What has been in the news that means we should live like prisoners in our own homes?

BoomBoomsCousin · 21/02/2017 15:39

For the record, and to answer your questions OP - I was out playing without a mobile phone at 8, let alone 13, in the days when crime was much higher (but traffic much lighter). I leave my door unlocked sometimes, it's not some huge risk. Even if on the outside chance an opportunist burglar tried the door, the chances they'd do anything bad to someone in the house is vanishingly small. I am curious why you're worried about locking the door in case of fire though - I would expect a 13 year old to be able to get out of a locked house.

I think what you are asking is less AYBU and more was the Postie BU. And I think the answer is - no, unless you've asked them not to do that, and even then with all the houses they have to post to, only if they were deliberately being an arse. They were making sure you got your post. This used to be far more common when more people left their doors unlocked and if all the postie did was put the parcel inside, why would you think their intentions were anything other than to be helpful? If you don't like it, have a word with them tomorrow and ask if they'll just leave the packages where you prefer. Or just ask what their method is for deciding to leave things because they've never done that before and you're curious.

ExitStage · 21/02/2017 15:41

How many burglars do you know Navy that wouldn't run as soon as they realise there was someone in the house?

Natsku · 21/02/2017 15:43

People are rather jumping on you for the unlocked door thing OP I don't see an issue with it, there's someone home, you're only gone for 15 minutes, rather a faff to lock it and unlock it.

Postal workers shouldn't be opening doors unless the resident has previously told them its ok.

ClaraLane · 21/02/2017 15:44

My front door is always locked because we live in a maisonette in a city and our car keys live downstairs by the front door. If we were to leave our door unlocked then someone could come through the door and pinch the car keys followed by the car and we would have no clue. I don't think that's it's that weird that people always leave their doors locked? Hmm

NavyandWhite · 21/02/2017 15:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigearsthethird · 21/02/2017 15:49

BoomBooms cousin

in response to your q: I am curious why you're worried about locking the door in case of fire though - I would expect a 13 year old to be able to get out of a locked house.

May be the same for the OP as for me. We live in an old cottage and the doors have to be locked with a key from the outside. They can't be unlocked/locked with key from the inside because the keyhole is smaller, it has a plate thing over it. So once locked from outside, its locked until someone outside opens it. There is a bolt that is used to lock it from inside, but then anyone with a key cant open it from outside! If that makes any sense!! So I'd deem it safer to leave my door unlocked with my 13yo home than locked as I think a fire would be probably more likely than a stranger entering - but thats based on where we live and factors like that. Both are very slim chance of happening

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 21/02/2017 15:50

My postie did this, gave me a heart attack and gave himself one when my dogs went mad. We had recently moved to somewhere very rural and the backdoor was unlocked because I had been running in and out doing something. Apparently he tries all of the neighbours doors as they've all told him they'll leave it open for him if they go out Hmm (they told me later).
Could he be one of those posties who thinks its normal?
Also not quite sure why you are getting so much stick for leaving a thirteen year old home alone in a safe area with the door unlocked. I'm only mid twenties and my mom used to do this. Providing she's sensible enough to be left home alone I don't see the problem?

xStefx · 21/02/2017 15:58

Exit: you said " I think the chances of something happening are small" -
So you admit that there is a small chance (as you have done above) of something going wrong- would you risk it? your child?

Do none of you think a crime can be committed in 15 minutes? Im pretty sure most rapes don't take longer than that, pretty sure it doesn't take more than 15 minutes to attack/ batter someone or to kidnap someone. Im sure it most thieves don't hang around the house much longer than 15 minutes either ... I am really confused about those who doesn't think something bad can happen in 15 minutes.

yes, you are right however about me commenting on OP's choice, she doesn't seem to give a shit that a man did actually enter her house when her dd was there alone so your right. I may aswell talk to a brick wall.

The OP has admitted a man entered her house with her child daughter alone there ? Im so confused as to why people cant see what could have happened. But if it makes you feel better to have a go at me its ok, I at least know im right.

Pigflewpast · 21/02/2017 16:06

I live in a nice area with very low crime rate. Police post monthly crime figures etc on Facebook, and nearly all the crimes every month are opportunistic thefts through unlocked doors. Some at night but mostly daytime.
OP surely at 13 your daughter has a key so could get out?
As to original question, I'd freak out if our postman did that, I'd have to ask him about it, but sounds like it's normal to lots of people on here.

NavyandWhite · 21/02/2017 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ExitStage · 21/02/2017 16:10

Of course there is a small chance Stef, but there's also a small chance of a fire being started and the daughter not getting out, or a medical emergency and an ambulance crew not getting in. Life is risky and we all balance those risks.

However, you are now getting all defensive because people are challenging your view. You were quite happy laying into the OP and doubting her priorities.

You're not right, you just see it differently. However, this is now getting personal so its probably best we agree to disagree huh?

NavyandWhite · 21/02/2017 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantinoRice · 21/02/2017 16:13

It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong. I'd have left DD in the same circs too.

My guess is that the postman saw you leaving, and thought he'd try the door just in case. It probably didn't occur to him that it's half term. He was just trying to do you a favour.

bigearsthethird · 21/02/2017 16:15

xStefx if you applied that logic to everything, you'd never go anywhere or do anything. You'd have to live in a bubble.

Do you put your child into a car every day?
That right there is the biggest killer of children outside of disease, but, in your words, if you want to take that risk, go right ahead.

Does your child attend school or a club? Why risk them being left with a stranger or some weird teacher, because you never know do you?

Get a grip.

ExitStage · 21/02/2017 16:15

Navy, we obviously have a different perception of risk.

Pigflewpast · 21/02/2017 16:17

Agree Navy, can't understand why you wouldn't automatically lock the door every time you come home tbh, obviously unless you're going in and out with stuff. Whenever I leave any of my teenagers I shout to check they've got their keys by them, incase they do need to get out in a fire or whatever, surely that's much safer than leaving door for anyone to get in just in case there's a fire?!

Apfelbunny · 21/02/2017 16:18

I guess it was safe enough for the mcanns to leave a child in a bedroom..

Just putting that out there.

If you'd lock your car while it's in the driveway or your house at night you'd lock it when you leave to go round the corner...Right?

Just my opinion.

(I posted earlier too, I'm aware of this, but I hadn't finished typing when dc2 hit "post")

Original poster
strawberrisc · 21/02/2017 16:19

I've really given this some thought. Leaving my 13 year old unattended for 15 minutes. I can only quote Ross from Friends:

A pigeon, a pigeon. No, no wait, no, no, an eagle flew in. Landed on the stove and caught fire. The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid. The eagle, however, misconstrues it as an act of aggression and grabs the baby in its talons. Meanwhile the faucet fills the apartment with water. Baby and bird still ablaze are locked in a death grip, swirling around in the whirlpool that fills the apartment.

OP posts:
Pigflewpast · 21/02/2017 16:22

I don't think anyone has said they have a problem with you leaving a 13 yr old, they have a problem that you didn't lock the door. Completely different