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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't even know if I'm asking AIBU - I don't know what to think! Postman!

208 replies

strawberrisc · 21/02/2017 13:59

I work in education so I am off work at the moment - along with my 13 year old daughter as it's half-term.

We've already been out for the last few days and so we're having a lazy day today before going out tomorrow. Despite stocking up she fancied a sandwhich with the one filling I don't have and I fancied a walk - albeit a 5 minute one. The shop is literally a 5 minute walk from our cul-de-sac.

I didn't lock the door because a) you can't break wind in this road without everyone knowing b) both sets of neighbours are in and b) I worry about locking the door and there being a fire.

I was gone less then 15 minutes. When I came back my daughter shouted, as I came in 'is that you? Someone opened the door and came in'. When I looked the postman had left a parcel in my hallway.

I don't know what to think for a number of reasons.

He's a decent guy and we've chatted on several occasions. He's been on this route for years.

But also: when I'm in work his collegue leaves one of those awful cards where I have to go all the way to the sorting office. However, this postman always leaves parcels in my lean-to between the wheelie bins. Why on earth would today be any different? It's a quite close so why would he even try the door and not leave the parcel in the usual place?

OP posts:
Original poster
strawberrisc · 21/02/2017 14:23

Just out of interest as I'm genuinely surprised by many of the comments and I would appreciate a truthful response, at 13 were you ever out playing in the holidays without a mobile phone?

OP posts:
SanitysSake · 21/02/2017 14:23

I'm with Stickerrocks.

A) enquire whether it was him b) say, we really appreciate everything you do but you scared the living daylights out of my teenage daughter. She was quite frightened that someone unknown was coming into the house. c) Thank him again for his service and understanding of this matter, but if he'd continue to knock, you'd appreciate it.

In future - and I agree in this day and age it's very sad - but lock your door.

:)

NavyandWhite · 21/02/2017 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jay55 · 21/02/2017 14:29

He should have knocked first.

I've no issue with an unlocked door.

harderandharder2breathe · 21/02/2017 14:31

Lock your door. Simple.

JessieMcJessie · 21/02/2017 14:32

What I don't get is why he didn't first knock or ring the bell, which would have brought your DD to the door to take the parcel. Why did he go straight to trying the door? That's the concerning bit, as he was opening the door not knowing if anyone was in or not.

PuntCuffin · 21/02/2017 14:33

Mobile phones didn't exist until I was in my early 20s. We played out in the woods and went home occasionally for food. Parents had no way to contact us other than bellowing up the hill and hoping we were within earshot. Front door was never locked.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/02/2017 14:35

Just out of interest as I'm genuinely surprised by many of the comments and I would appreciate a truthful response, at 13 were you ever out playing in the holidays without a mobile phone?

Yeah, because they weren't invented.

I'm not following the point of the question, though. Out in public with other people is not the same as in a house alone.

Witchend · 21/02/2017 14:36

If your dd isn't capable at 13yo of unlocking the door and getting out if there's a fire then I'd be most surprised.

To answer your question, I had the most overprotective mum and at 13yo I was still out playing with friends on the holidays-and no mobile phones then.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/02/2017 14:37

What I'm saying is, my parents let me run all over our neighbourhood with a group of friends.

I don't think they'd have left me home alone at 13 without locking the front door, though.

blueskyinmarch · 21/02/2017 14:38

On the issue of your DD being in the house alone - door locked or not- this is fine. She is 13 not 3. Lots of kids come home themselves at that age and is suspect they don't all lock the door behind them - mine never did.

On the postman issue - i don't think delivery people should just try your door and pop parcels in. I started a thread once about the Hermes delivery driver who did that to me. On the first occasion i had forgotten to lock the door. My fault i know, but i hated that fact the door had been opened while i wasn’t even in. On the second occasion i was in and they didn’t even knock, just opened the door and shoved the parcel in. On the third occasion they came when my DD was in alone (she is 19 so not really an issue) but she got a massive fright when the door just opened and parcel was fired in. Just knock the bloody door!

xStefx · 21/02/2017 14:40

OP, if you lock your door in the night to keep your family safe then why wouldn't you in the day?

Im pretty sure that the same weirdos are about in the day and the night

And its different to being out with friends in public places (noticed you were trying to deflect the point) , being home alone where no one can hear you if you need to attract help is totally different

Again , rather than keep trying to justify your actions, at the end of the day:

Your 13 year old was home alone
the door was unlocked
A man actually entered the house (whether it was the postman or not)
LOCK THE DOOR- learn the lesson , not argue with everyone who said you should have made sure she was secure

And yes the postman was trying to be nice

NavyandWhite · 21/02/2017 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigsDOfly · 21/02/2017 14:47

If it's such a safe area why didn't he just leave the parcel outside the door. Where I live any such parcel would be fine for days left outside someone's door.

I wouldn't be happy with anyone opening my door and putting something in the hall. I think it's overstepping a line. Why would he try the door in the first place, just ring the bell. If I were calling on someone, and they didn't answer their door, I'd assume they were out, or didn't want to see me. I certainly wouldn't start opening doors.

blueskyinmarch · 21/02/2017 14:47

I also meant to add that on the thread I started I was told that it was perfectly reasonable for the delivery person to open my door. I still strongly disagree.

CharlieDimmocksbosoms · 21/02/2017 14:48

You say no one locks the door in your area. Perhaps the postman knows that and does the same for neighbours. Maybe he knocked, your daughter didn't hear and he was just being nice? You know now, nothing bad happened but you now have the choice to lock the door and it can't happen again.

blueskyinmarch · 21/02/2017 14:50

I think the whole DC in the house with the door locked or not maybe depends where you live. I live in a fairly rural place. An opportunist burglar would be very unlikely to be passing my house.

NavyandWhite · 21/02/2017 14:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
strawberrisc · 21/02/2017 14:51

CharlieDimmocksbosoms Tue 21-Feb-17 14:48:01

You say no one locks the door in your area.

I don't recall saying that.

OP posts:
bigearsthethird · 21/02/2017 14:52

Perhaps he heard noise from inside the house and so just popped his head in the door to call you as you didnt answer the door? When you didnt hear him call he just thought he'd leave it there then.

I sometimes leave my door unlocked if i take the kids to school as its only a 5 minute walk. I always leave it unlocked if one of them (teenage) is home just in case of fire or anything. We don't live in a rough area and the chances of someone trying the door for something sinister is so remote.

Our postie is friendly and chatty too. i wouldnt have an issue with him leaving a parcel in my hallway, much better than having to get off work to go to the post office for it.

ExitStage · 21/02/2017 14:54

I wouldn't be locking the door for a couple minutes leaving the house either. I can also see what you mean about playing outside. We all did it and my kids do it now.

I just think the level of fearmongering is amazing on MN.

xStefx · 21/02/2017 14:56

I don't think OP is willing to take any blame here. I don't think it even crossed her mind when she posted the original message that she may be to blame for leaving her child in the house alone with the door unlocked.

She is more annoyed at the postman!

Priorities seem a bit dishevelled to me

LadyPW · 21/02/2017 14:57

Well I always keep my door locked but that aside - why would a postman think it was acceptable to open a door? They're leaving themselves open to all sort of allegations for starters. Very strange. Nice to do you a favour but he should have left it by the door OUTSIDE. You could have had a pet in there that escaped, or a visiting small child or anything. Confused

NavyandWhite · 21/02/2017 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
strawberrisc · 21/02/2017 15:02

xStefx You are correct. I am not taking any 'blame'. Beyond that please do not presume to tell me what did or did not cross my mind. I also never said for a minute I was annoyed at the postman, I felt that was very clear. I am also completely secure with my priorities.

OP posts:
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