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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we can't have a pet-sitter when DSD is staying in our house?

230 replies

steppinstone · 21/02/2017 09:11

Just arrived on holiday (which I organised) and DH announces that he's agreed that dsd (who is 18) will be staying in our house while we are away!

I had asked him to explain to her that it wouldn't be appropriate because I've arranged pet sitters - and because she has said she really wants friends over while we are on holiday. She is extremely unreliable and hasn't spent the night on her own before.

I have now had to call the pet sitter to cancel because I think it's just too WEIRD having an adult in the house who can't look after the pets. DH is worried because he says DSD is too immature to look after the pets.

I am really furious that he has just landed this on me now when we could have talked about this last week and got DSD prepared IF we agreed that she could stay.

Aibu? I just want to go home tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
steppinstone · 24/02/2017 16:50

I won't ask her to leave. I will ask DH to leave and she can go with him.

I haven't spoken to him today. I've fucked off to have a day on my own.

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 24/02/2017 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/02/2017 17:12

Putting some distance between you is good right now. Maybe just maybe she hasn't had a full scale party. A few friends round is different. I do hope he manages to redeem himself. It is a terrible shame to split because of his bad parenting if you have an otherwise great marriage. I understand why you want him gone right now. The lying must really hurt.

kali110 · 24/02/2017 20:07

How are your pets op?

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 25/02/2017 09:53

I've been reading this with a knot in my stomach for you, OP - you must be SO worked up. I'm pissed off for you that your holiday has been ruined by your 'D'H and his entitled little mare of a daughter.

I hope you don't come home to any carnage today Flowers

MajesticWhine · 25/02/2017 09:59

I would have just left the arrangement in place and explain to petsitter that teen is unreliable and can't be left responsible. No need for a drama. But yes DH should have communicated better.

LadyPW · 25/02/2017 10:07

Keeping fingers crossed for pets & OP.

FrancisCrawford · 25/02/2017 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotWeavingButDarning · 25/02/2017 15:45

Your DSD sounds 18. Not a very mature or pleasant 18, but still.

Your DH on the other hand has absolutely no excuse. He's lied and lied and let his DD get away with terrible behaviour. I'd find it so so hard to forgive him.

Hope everything was not too dreadful when you got home and that you're getting your time away from both of them.

EnormousTiger · 25/02/2017 15:50

Oh dear. It sounds very hard.
The step daughter lives with you and is 18. Is she bang in the middle in the last most important year of school ever - A level year! if so surely both of you shoudl not have gone on holiday during term time and should be around at home for her?

HappyFlappy · 25/02/2017 15:58

The step daughter lives with you and is 18. Is she bang in the middle in the last most important year of school ever - A level year! if so surely both of you shoudl not have gone on holiday during term time and should be around at home for her?

She may be still at school, but she is an ADULT>

If she can't see that it is in her own interest to do some revision, get herself to school on time, and not party until all hours, that's surely her lookout.

NickyEds · 25/02/2017 16:01

It's half term enormous, or at least it is here. And, you know, February....and she's 18 not 8.

Msqueen33 · 25/02/2017 16:05

I'm gutted for you. What a selfish brat she is and what a useless dh you have.

RandomMess · 25/02/2017 16:08

I hope the animals and house are okay Flowers

happypoobum · 25/02/2017 16:12

Sadly I am not surprised at the outcome. I expect DH told DSD she could stay and have the party.

I totally understand why you are so furious. I would also ask him to leave. If you cannot trust him, and he has repeatedly lied to you, what's the bloody point? He has been really manipulative.

Garnethair · 25/02/2017 16:15

Bloody hell OP. I am Furious on your behalf.

FrancisCrawford · 25/02/2017 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kali110 · 25/02/2017 22:13

The step daughter lives with you and is 18. Is she bang in the middle in the last most important year of school ever - A level year! if so surely both of you shoudl not have gone on holiday during term time and should be around at home for her?
What?Confused she's 18!
Clearly school isn't the first thought if her having a party is her priority.
She has 2 parents.
My parents went away when i was 18, i coped! They deserve a break, just like the op!
Inever had any parties either. Hmm

llangennith · 25/02/2017 22:18

I'd be furious with your DH too OP and agree it'll totally spoil your holiday.
What a spineless tosser.

Aroundtheworldandback · 25/02/2017 22:32

This is normal 18yo behaviour. Vile, but normal. My dd 19 adores her dog to a mad degree but admits she can't be trusted to be up on time to feed him after a night out. Yes of course it's wrong but not unusual, nor the party.

But what IS wrong is your dh lying to you to keep her sweet, putting her wants above what he knows is right. The problem I'm afraid is not your sd but your Disney dh. I would be beyond livid.

happypoobum · 25/02/2017 22:58

I agree with around - the DSD is not really the one to blame here , she is doing what any teen would do if they could get away with it - it's DH that needs a rocket up his arse.

kali110 · 25/02/2017 23:21

Aroundtheworldandback sorry but i don't agree this is normal at all!
I would not have been so disrespectful to my parents and neither would my friends!
Normal Hmm
Refuse to feed animals if can't have a party,
refuse to let family members in, refuse to answer calls or texts, refuse to feed animals,
this is normal?
At 18?

FrancisCrawford · 25/02/2017 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thatdearoctopus · 25/02/2017 23:43

the DSD is not really the one to blame here

Hmm Of course she is!!! Granted, the DH has some responsibility for lying about it and not having put his foot down, but the dsd is an adult and 100% responsible for her appallingly entitled behaviour.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 27/02/2017 12:51

I've been worried about your pets OP. Is it possible for an update? I am crossing everything hoping that they are basically OK (and just a bit unsettled and miffed).