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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we can't have a pet-sitter when DSD is staying in our house?

230 replies

steppinstone · 21/02/2017 09:11

Just arrived on holiday (which I organised) and DH announces that he's agreed that dsd (who is 18) will be staying in our house while we are away!

I had asked him to explain to her that it wouldn't be appropriate because I've arranged pet sitters - and because she has said she really wants friends over while we are on holiday. She is extremely unreliable and hasn't spent the night on her own before.

I have now had to call the pet sitter to cancel because I think it's just too WEIRD having an adult in the house who can't look after the pets. DH is worried because he says DSD is too immature to look after the pets.

I am really furious that he has just landed this on me now when we could have talked about this last week and got DSD prepared IF we agreed that she could stay.

Aibu? I just want to go home tbh.

OP posts:
2014newme · 21/02/2017 09:29

So who is looking after the pets? The pet sitter is cancelled and dsd is too immature. So do the pets just starve?

BertrandRussell · 21/02/2017 09:29

"We had a paid sitter for our last holiday but she refused to come back because dsd was there a couple of times. I can totally understand why that seems odd to her."

Good Lord, why on earth?

Shakirasma · 21/02/2017 09:32

I'm confused as to why you have a problem with an 18 year old adult remaining in their own home while you go on holiday.

Is she disabled or in some other way vulnerable?

Somerville · 21/02/2017 09:32

I wouldn't want someone incapable of looking after cats, hamsters and fish having friends over in my absence.

Isadora2007 · 21/02/2017 09:36

What drama. Message dsd with the details of what to do and when for the pets. Then if she can't do that she has to stay elsewhere and call your friends to reinstate their help. But the first message to her has to be nice and assuming that she can and will help out like a decent and sensible 18 year old.

BaggyCheeks · 21/02/2017 09:38

I'm with Somerville. I wouldn't be leaving an 18 year old that has designs on having friends over at their empty house by themselves.

PovertyPain · 21/02/2017 09:39

If you can't trust her in the house, why on Earth would you trust her with your precious Pets? 😦

I think there's more to it, regarding the pet sitter. I think she's tried to remain professional, when explaining why she wouldn't come back. Has your sd been dictating what needs done? I'm a pet sitter and have went to houses where family members are still home. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. What would bother me is some one dictating, judging or looking over my shoulder while I work. I make the arrangements with the pet owners and would get annoyed with interference from others as I work on a time scale.

maddiemookins16mum · 21/02/2017 09:40

YANBU, I'd be 🤔 if I turned up to feed a friend's cat etc to discover adult daughter there. Is she always treated like a helpless infant (even though she's getting her mates round when you're away for a vino/vodka night - sorry, to drink tea and watch Corrie).

nannybeach · 21/02/2017 09:40

18 is an adult, she should be perfectly capable of looking after these animals, its not like a dog or a horse! On the other hand, if you are paying a pet sitting, its not their business who is in the house doing what frankly.

Original poster
steppinstone · 21/02/2017 09:42

The paid sitter wouldn't talk about it but I expect she was surprised to find a grown adult sitting in the kitchen texting while she was supposed to feed the cats. It's just WEIRD.

I've told DH that dsd will need to feed the animals and he will need to text her instructions.

We asked her if she would be prepared to do so a couple of weeks ago but she no, unless she could have a party. We said no, she would need to stay elsewhere if that was her attitude. Or so I thought.

Turns out she's staying anyway.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 21/02/2017 09:46

Definitely have a dh problem. He sounds disorganised and his dd the same. I can't believe an 18 yr old is incapable of looking after such low maintenance pets. And I wouldn't want an immature 18 yr old in my house. I agree with you, I'd want to go home too. However, I wouldn't have cancelled the pet sitter, I would have told dh to make other arrangements for dd.

TattyCat · 21/02/2017 09:46

... but she no, unless she could have a party

Christ I'd be going home. And going home bloody livid. She'll be having a party, whether you agreed to it or not. Poor animals.

SaucyJack · 21/02/2017 09:46

Try and remember that nothing has gone wrong yet.

She sounds like a lazy madam to me too, but give her the benefit of the doubt (what other choice do you have right now anyway?!) and I'm sure all cats will be fed, and all wine bottles and Pringle pipes will be cleared away in time for your return home.

HappyFlappy · 21/02/2017 09:46

DH is worried because he says DSD is too immature to look after the pets.

Steppinstone

If she's too immature to look after the pets, then she is too immature to be left in the house on her own.

PovertyPain · 21/02/2017 09:47

Sorry op, but I guarantee she'll have a party while you're away. A free house, what teenager could resist? 😄

FrancisCrawford · 21/02/2017 09:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/02/2017 09:49

If she's too immature to look after the pets, then she is too immature to be left in the house on her own.

Exactly! She's mature enough to stay alone in your house, but not to feed a cat?

The mind boggles. Confused

Original poster
steppinstone · 21/02/2017 09:51

There's nothing I can do now. We are abroad and this is our first long holiday together in five years.

I am really fuming. I feel like DH has been really dishonest about it to try to avoid discussing it with me.

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 21/02/2017 09:55

Presumably the pet sitter has a key. Is there anyone else who could be given it and asked to go round a few times and check up on her, and tell her you have done so - might put her on warning about having a party etc...

TataEsNC · 21/02/2017 09:56

i'm with u and your pet sitters.

my mil let's my bil (mid 30s and still not able to feed cats Hmm) house sit, but puts the dog in kennels and then asks me to go and feed the cats.

it pisses me off. i feel uncomfortable going into their home and feeding the animals etc whilst bil is there (he's a jackass which is another story, but i think i'd feel equally uncomfortable if it was a stranger)

ur dh is the idiot here i'm afraid. she's gonna throw a party. ur house might get trashed. ur animals might not get fed. all because he doesn't want to lay down some rules.

RebootYourEngine · 21/02/2017 09:56

How immature does she need to be to not know how to look after a couple of pets. Its not difficult. All you really need to do is feed them.

FrancisCrawford · 21/02/2017 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Costacoffeeplease · 21/02/2017 10:05

I'm afraid I'd be going home and turfing her out. Poor animals

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/02/2017 10:06

Personally I'd be worried that the party she intends to throw will be all over FB, Twitter etc by now ... if she's too irresponsible to look after a few simple pets, it could well turn into the sort of "event" the Daily Mail love to feature Hmm

Leggit · 21/02/2017 10:15

What an odd situation. She is mature enough to stay home alone but can't open a pouch of cat food every now and then Confused

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