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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we can't have a pet-sitter when DSD is staying in our house?

230 replies

steppinstone · 21/02/2017 09:11

Just arrived on holiday (which I organised) and DH announces that he's agreed that dsd (who is 18) will be staying in our house while we are away!

I had asked him to explain to her that it wouldn't be appropriate because I've arranged pet sitters - and because she has said she really wants friends over while we are on holiday. She is extremely unreliable and hasn't spent the night on her own before.

I have now had to call the pet sitter to cancel because I think it's just too WEIRD having an adult in the house who can't look after the pets. DH is worried because he says DSD is too immature to look after the pets.

I am really furious that he has just landed this on me now when we could have talked about this last week and got DSD prepared IF we agreed that she could stay.

Aibu? I just want to go home tbh.

OP posts:
diddl · 21/02/2017 15:46

What a horrible situation.

I think that you were right to cancel the pet sitter.

It's something that I would do for friends, but would feel taken advantage of if their teenager was their & just to self absorbed/lazy.

If she lives with you, whose pets are they & how is she incapable of looking after family (?) pets at 18?

She'll doubtless have a party as she'll think that she's owed it for looking after the pets.

BoomBoomsCousin · 21/02/2017 15:47

Your DH is BVU to have gone behind your back like that. And your DSD is BVU to require a party in order to pet sit. But while I see that it's a bit weird for your friends to come in and feed tha animals while your DSD is there, if you get anxious I think cancelling them rather than calling and talking to them and checking they're OK with it is a bit U of you.

Benedikte2 · 21/02/2017 15:50

Do give us an update OP. Now I'm all worried for you re pets and the state of your home when you get back.
Meanwhile if there's nothing you can do try to turn off and relax

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 21/02/2017 15:52

TheMysteriousJackelope
She can't take them anywhere at the moment as she's on holiday already. But perhaps it's something to think about for the future.

Mamawingingit1234 · 21/02/2017 16:00

How horrible! What a shitty thing to do and even shitter when it's your holiday! Sending love x

Willow2016 · 21/02/2017 16:03

You need a long chat with your dh as he is the major problem here. He is going behind your back to keep his dd happy, sod that. He needs to man up pretty damm fast or she will exepect to be his special girlie and get exactly what she wants forever. I wouldnt put up with him tricking me like that cos he doesnt have a backbone. I would tell him to feck off home and sort it out/guard my house and would spend the holiday on my own relaxing.

She is 18 and doesnt do a thing in the house? Knock that on the head when you get home. Tell her what you expect her to do around the house or you dont do a thing for her.

Tell your dh she is an adult not a toddler and will pull her finger out in future, you are not a hotel.

Tell him to man up and treat her as his daughter not his bff!
Your house your rules time they both grew up a bit. Why should you run after her at 18?

Damm sure I would be pissed if I agreed to go to someones house as a favour, at my expence and time, to feed thier pets and discovered their 18yr old dd sitting on her arse doing nothing at all!

HappyFlappy · 21/02/2017 16:07

I know Whispers but I'm trying to avert a possible tragedy here if she refuses to feed/water anything for a fortnight.

Though surely she wouldn't just let a hamster or cat die of thirst, would she? If she does, I would report her to the police for animal cruelty. I used to come back to an overflowing litter tray, but all of the cats were as fat as butter, and mildly resentful that we'd gone without them.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 21/02/2017 16:09

I don't get this.

You say the problem is she is too immature to look after the pets BUT you later say you both originally asked her to pet sit. The only reason you got someone else is because she said she'd only do it if she could have a party.

So it's not a case of her being unable to take care of pets, is it, because that's what you originally wanted!

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 21/02/2017 16:16

Wondering if the SD was extremely rude to the paid pet sitter last time? Seems very odd to me they would refuse to come back or to discuss it. It is a bit odd to have a pet sitter when there is a "seemingly" capable person present, but I'd still do the job, notwithstanding any shite from that person

You need to hand all this back to your dh, get him to sort the pet sitters, and make it more than clear to his precious daughter than any unauthorised party will mean serious sanctions

Who actually looked after the pets last time...you say the pet sitter refused, and SD was only there a couple of times?

Cottongusset · 21/02/2017 16:17

Forget the pet sitter issue. An 18 year old staying in your house - wants friends over - good luck with that! As for your DH waiting until you were actually on holiday to tell you this - he would be singing soprano.

kali110 · 21/02/2017 16:19

I'm wondering if the dsd said/ did something which is why the petsitting won't come back.

So are the animals just now supposed to survive on their own Confused
My god i'd be going home!

FilledSoda · 21/02/2017 16:21

I'd be angry too.
I guarantee there will be a party

kali110 · 21/02/2017 16:28

filled yes there will be.
Feeling very bad for the op!

Willow2016 · 21/02/2017 16:30

Dh thinks she is too immature to feed his pets but he thinks she is ok to have a party whilst they are away. It's not ops fault. She organised per sitters as dsd wasn't supposed to be there.

honeylulu · 21/02/2017 16:32

I wonder if cancelling the pet sitter and your husband being worried will actually result in him being firm with her and insisting she must deal with pets. Hope so.

honeylulu · 21/02/2017 16:32

I wonder if cancelling the pet sitter and your husband being worried will actually result in him being firm with her and insisting she must deal with pets. Hope so.

diddl · 21/02/2017 16:34

It does sound odd about the paid sitter tbh.

Can't see how someone if the house would make feeding cats/feeding & cleaning out hamsters/fish difficult.

Also don't see how it equates to babysitting that person!

So what happened then, Op?

Presumably your step daughter didn't look after them?

NotWeavingButDarning · 21/02/2017 16:39

This is definitely a DH problem.

He hid the situation from you deliberately until it was too late for you to do anything about it, which is completely unacceptable.

As for your DSD, well, yes, she sounds entitled, immature and irritating but meh - she is 18. Not all 18 year olds act like adults. She's going to push it especially if her Dad lets her get away with it. (Saying this my 5 and 9 year olds are responsible for our dogs, cat and chickens, so some parental (and tbh step-parental) blame needs laying there, I think).

I, too, would feel annoyed as your friends if I went over twice a day to do you a favour only to find a capable adult in situ who was too lazy to do the job themselves. But maybe you could be honest with them about the situation and ask them to drop in a few times randomly just to check on stuff? Then get them a lovely present to say thank you.

winewolfhowls · 21/02/2017 16:48

God, if this were me I would be too stressed to enjoy the holiday. I would believe that the pets would be looked after but I would be VERY worried about the party. You need less than ten teenagers to create a big problem and if she is immature she is more likely the show off with a big party type rather than three mates a dvd and a bottle of something type.

Willow2016 · 21/02/2017 16:48

Diddy
It's the 1st day of ops holidays !!!

HSMMaCM · 21/02/2017 16:53

The 18 year olds I know wouldn't be home every day. Also if I knew dd was having a party, I would take the precaution of moving some precious objects out of the way. Op hasn't had a chance to do this.

blissey · 21/02/2017 17:00

You obviously can't trust DH or DSD. In your position I don't know if our relationship could recover from this. It's a massive betrayal.

RubbishMantra · 21/02/2017 17:08

Mostly I'd be worried about disruption if DSD has a party. People coming and going, so cat could do a runner due to that. Not sure if your cat is an out-door going cat. Mine are, but they're not allowed out the front door, just the back, and are on lock-down when it's dark. But if DSD's got an open house...

Also my SIL lost a pair of Chinchillas when she was small, due to over exuberant "friends" chucking their cages about.

I'd be on the telephone to the pet-sitter, personally. And your H sounds quite manipulative.

DreamingofItaly · 21/02/2017 17:17

Wow OP! I hope you can try to relax with some of the things you're reading here.

My advice would be:
1 call pet sitting friends and advise them of the situation with DSD asking them to still drop in.
2 bollock DH and tell him to call DSD and lay down the law otherwise you're going to; law being pet sitters will be in checking, do not have a party.
3 call neighbours/local friend and advise them what's happened asking them to call police in the event of a party.
4 relax, you've done all you can so try to enjoy your break with DH. Wine

diddl · 21/02/2017 17:19

"It's the 1st day of ops holidays !!!"

Yes I know, I was wondering what happened the last time, when the paid sitter wouldn't go in any more, as obviously if Op's step daughter managed then...

Can see that my post isn't clear though.