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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we can't have a pet-sitter when DSD is staying in our house?

230 replies

steppinstone · 21/02/2017 09:11

Just arrived on holiday (which I organised) and DH announces that he's agreed that dsd (who is 18) will be staying in our house while we are away!

I had asked him to explain to her that it wouldn't be appropriate because I've arranged pet sitters - and because she has said she really wants friends over while we are on holiday. She is extremely unreliable and hasn't spent the night on her own before.

I have now had to call the pet sitter to cancel because I think it's just too WEIRD having an adult in the house who can't look after the pets. DH is worried because he says DSD is too immature to look after the pets.

I am really furious that he has just landed this on me now when we could have talked about this last week and got DSD prepared IF we agreed that she could stay.

Aibu? I just want to go home tbh.

OP posts:
merrymouse · 21/02/2017 17:27

An 18 year old who can't look after cats, hamsters and fish should not be left alone.

kali110 · 21/02/2017 17:34

I'd be ringing family and friends too. Failing that reinstating the pet sitting.
This girl doesn't sound responsible at all!

tygr · 21/02/2017 18:14

It will be ok. Please try to relax and enjoy your holiday.

GabsAlot · 21/02/2017 18:22

dont tell your dsd youve canncelled the pet sitter that will just give her the green light to have a party knowing noones checking on her

diddl · 21/02/2017 18:31

But if the step daughter thinks that the pet sitter is going in, will she bother to look after them?

Willow2016 · 21/02/2017 19:20

Diddll
Ok Sorry misunderstood

Original poster
steppinstone · 21/02/2017 20:30

Ok well we had a Serious Talk for a Considerable Time about his boundaries with dsd which was probably quite helpful but we'll see. thank you for your thoughts about me NBU which was so helpful - thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
steppinstone · 21/02/2017 20:30

He has now arranged for his family members to check around ...

OP posts:
loulou969 · 21/02/2017 20:42

Just read this thread.your dh sounds like mine was over his daughter.she is now 24 and still causing problems as she had an unplanned party at 17 when we were away.saw photos on of her friends off their faces on vodka standing in heels on my oak table.they rule their fathers and he didn't tell you cos he was worried too I guess

ScarlettFreestone · 21/02/2017 21:28

I find the most interesting sentence in your updates is:

"The pet sitter won't talk about it"

There's a story there

What the hell did the pet sitter see/hear/have said to them that meant they refused to do come back while DSD was there? I'd have pressed further on that personally.

Other than that, you have a DH problem. He is actively spoiling his daughter - as in making her a worse person than she should be.

FrancisCrawford · 21/02/2017 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

clickershed · 21/02/2017 22:50

I would be furious! Hopefully family members are responsible.

Wouldn't trust him with anything for a long while though...

NickyEds · 22/02/2017 07:30

You are most definitely not being unreasonable op! I would be absolutely livid in your postion. Hopefully the family member will be able to curtail any parties. What did her mother have to say about this? She was supposed to be spending the week with her wasn't she?

MrsTwix · 22/02/2017 09:43

You are not being unreasonable. He is, and by leaving telling you until it's too late, he can blame you for being unreasonable when you complain.

Craigie · 22/02/2017 18:15

If the DSD is too immature to feed & exercise a pet, she's too bloody young to be left in charge of an entire house and allowed to have friends over.

Sara107 · 22/02/2017 19:22

Cats, fish and hamster will be fine even if she only remembers to feed them once or twice in the week. A bit surprising that you would have a twice a day pet sitter for these.
The party aspect is more worrying, but maybe a week on her own might encourage her to grow up and become a bit more responsible.

AcaciaYou · 22/02/2017 19:48

A bit surprising that you would have a twice a day pet sitter for these.

I'm a pet sitter. Most of my clients book me to visit twice a day. Cats especially appreciate the company. It is not be remotely acceptable to only feed pets 'once or twice in the week'

AcaciaYou · 22/02/2017 19:51

I would find it very difficult to trust my Dh after this, op. You are so not being unreasonable.

sandyza · 22/02/2017 19:59

Hi, I look after a friends pets when they are away. Their adult son is sometimes there when I go round, & its not a problem for me in the slightest. I pop in twice a day, feed the pets & then go.

DearMrDilkington · 22/02/2017 20:29

I'd be so furious. How long are you on holiday for stone?

MachineBee · 22/02/2017 21:31

I hope everything is ok and your pets and home survive. My DH has struggled with boundaries too though he has improved a bit on this (still a work in progress). When you get back, if DSD attitude doesn't improve and as you are the home owner, I would think about getting a second lock put on that only you and pet-sitter (plus any trustworthy family member) have a key for and use when you are away and the house should be empty.

If they (DH and DSD) want to behave like children, then you have to be the adult here and take responsibility for the vulnerables here I.e your pets.

MachineBee · 22/02/2017 21:35

Oh and if was DSD's DM I'd be annoyed at your DH for changing the arrangements re having her DD for the week. My ExH used to do this to me and regularly mucked up my plans to do fun stuff with my DCs. With him it was a power thing though.

Thingamajiggy · 22/02/2017 21:42

it will go pear shaped, Stick with the pet sitter!

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 22/02/2017 22:01

I really don't understand why 1) you had to cancel the pet sitter but 2) why your DSD can't look after the pets (what kind of pets/how many are there?). So you're both unreasonable. You sound a bit mean.

  1. OP had to cancel the sitter because they won't want to sit for an adult person as well as the pets, plus it might make them feel really uncomfortable having another person they don't know in the house.
  2. DSD is unreliable. One of my own of a similar is completely unreliable, there's no way my pets would survive their care.

OP, YADNBU. The post about the rabbits and the boa snake made me cry - just the thought of what those pets went through before they died is unbearable, let alone it being my pets. You can imagine the boys using the snake to scare the girls :/

There is simply NO way I'd have her in the house alone, whether family check or not, it would ruin my holiday.

I'm so sorry you're going through this :(

p5oebe · 22/02/2017 22:02

Can understand you cancelling on a friend to pet sit but how strange of the paid pet sitter! Its not really her place to mind whos there.

I have fed friends cats when their teenagers are there though, parents have just said she/he is in and out don't know what they're up to so i went in with my key ignoring the awful mess