Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think we can't have a pet-sitter when DSD is staying in our house?

230 replies

steppinstone · 21/02/2017 09:11

Just arrived on holiday (which I organised) and DH announces that he's agreed that dsd (who is 18) will be staying in our house while we are away!

I had asked him to explain to her that it wouldn't be appropriate because I've arranged pet sitters - and because she has said she really wants friends over while we are on holiday. She is extremely unreliable and hasn't spent the night on her own before.

I have now had to call the pet sitter to cancel because I think it's just too WEIRD having an adult in the house who can't look after the pets. DH is worried because he says DSD is too immature to look after the pets.

I am really furious that he has just landed this on me now when we could have talked about this last week and got DSD prepared IF we agreed that she could stay.

Aibu? I just want to go home tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
steppinstone · 21/02/2017 11:17

Yes she normally lives with us. But she said she wouldn't pet sit unless she could have a party. So DH said he had arranged for her to spend the week with her mum so we could get someone in instead.

OP posts:
StickyMouse · 21/02/2017 11:19

Was there an option for her to come away with you? if not then is she feeling miffed that she was being asked to leave her home for the week?

I would be getting DH to speak to her today, find out what her plans are for the rest of the time that you are away and to come up with a plan to make sure that the pets are fed. You don't want to arrive home to dead animals.

Original poster
steppinstone · 21/02/2017 11:24

No this was supposed to be the two of us going away for the first time. None of the children were invited.

OP posts:
Original poster
steppinstone · 21/02/2017 11:25

She wasn't being asked to leave her home for the week - if she would have fed the animals she could have stayed!!

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 21/02/2017 11:28

" if not then is she feeling miffed that she was being asked to leave her home for the week? "

I think you've got it the wrong way round.

It seems quite clear to me that arrangements were only made for the DSD to stay elsewhere after she'd told the OP that she wasn't prepared to behave like a responsible adult if she was left home on her own.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/02/2017 12:01

apparently changed his mind without discussing it with the person who actually owns the house

So don't you both own it jointly? (And ignore me by the way if you'd rather not answer)

FrancisCrawford · 21/02/2017 12:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/02/2017 12:23

So you own the house, not him? Massive disrespect from him either way if it's yours outright or joint owned. He said she was not staying in the house and then changed the plans without discussing it with you. You are letting both of them ride rough shot over you. It is your home too and you are allowing him to let her act like a child. If you don't agree with her behaviour, why don't you say something? Time to get some boundaries in place methinks.

LotsOfAxolotlsAndOcelots · 21/02/2017 12:38

In your shoes I would go fucking stratospheric, come home and he could get to fuck along with his 'D'D. This is manipulation at it's worst. Just because he's got previous for this type of crap doesn't make it OK. Animals may need more than just feeding. Other care may be needed.

HappyFlappy · 21/02/2017 13:00

I hate to worry you more, but unless someone else steps in to this situation, you could end up with dead pets.

My youngest sister had a party when my parents were away (again, 18) and the tw*ts all jumped up and down on the rabbit hutch - the rabbit and guinea-pig were dead the next morning - shock I would imagine.

A friend's son had a party when his parents were away (he was in his 20's) and idiots put their cigarette butts into the vivarium and killed a rainbow boa. think the cigarette buuts, the noise, the lights (and anything else they did that they didn't admit to) were enough to see the poor thing off.

Penfold007 · 21/02/2017 13:11

steppinstone make no mistake your DH did this deliberately. Your SD knew along she would be staying in the house and has possibly been given permission by her DF to have a party. If I were you I'd ask the friend to carry on with the twice daily pet feeding/security patrol.

WhispersOnTheWind · 21/02/2017 13:23

Bloody hell, HappyFlappy what do you say when you dont hate to worry someone more?

OP, yes it does seem weird to have the pet sitter come by while your adult dsd is in the house but if you are this stressed about it, I'd suck up the embarrassment, call sitter and throw yourself in her mercy. If she knows teens she will probably understand, you can explain she's a bit of an irresponsible teen, that you're not asking her to 'babysit' her but would she mind because you can't help being anxious about the pets? It might also serve to put the brakes on dsd a bit if she's aware someone will be coming around to check on the pets

KarmaKit · 21/02/2017 13:36

If I was a paid pet-sitter I'd not be arsed if there was someone in the house. I would think it odd but hey, I'd be being paid so none of my business. Not entirely sure why your paid pet sitter refused to return!

I'd be likely to be at least a bit miffed if I wasn't being paid, therefore putting myself out for someone, and showed up at the house to find an 18 year old staying there who would perfectly capable of doing the same job.

I'm utterly gobsmacked that dh doesn't think his eighteen year old would be able to do it. If he was especially precious about the pets to the point he thought nobody else could be trusted, he wouldn't have gone on holiday. Does he just know his daughter is lazy and probably wouldn't bother? But doesn't want to say this in case it gets back to the daughter/mother?

CharlieDimmocksbosoms · 21/02/2017 13:40

Do you get on ok with a neighbour? Could you text them and ask them to keep an eye on the situation and check that the cats etc are fed? If they need a key surely the pet sitter could drop it to them?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/02/2017 14:10

Actually, Charlie, that's a darned good idea ... maybe a neighbour could also be asked to tip OP off if there are any signs of a party?

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 21/02/2017 14:16

It's not a paid pet sitter this time is it? It's someone doing you a favour?

Dixiestamp · 21/02/2017 15:03

My 9 and 6 yr olds go in to feed next door's cat and fish when they are away- surely an 18 yr old can do ?!

KatharinaRosalie · 21/02/2017 15:14

Yes she normally lives with us. But she said she wouldn't pet sit - she lives there, that isn't even petsitting.
I would also be Hmm if someone asked me to petsit while a fully capable, adult member of the family was sitting on the sofa. We're not even talking about dogwalking or horses, but cats and hamsters.

And oh yes she will be having her parties.

Iris65 · 21/02/2017 15:35

Keep the pet sitter. Those animals need care and I wouldn't rely on an 18 year old whom I didn't trust!

SuperFlyHigh · 21/02/2017 15:35

I managed to look after a Labrador when I was 15 up to 18 (along with younger brother by 2 years). That involved feeding and walking the dog twice a day.

We also had parties too but this was in the olden days (80s), the dog stayed upstairs out of the way and luckily most people were well behaved.

Your SD sounds very immature and yes she will have a party regardless of what you say.

Not surprised the pet sitter is annoyed at finding her there.

Iris65 · 21/02/2017 15:37

As for there being an adult in the house people have cleaners when they are at home themselves don't they?!

HappyFlappy · 21/02/2017 15:39

My 9 and 6 yr olds go in to feed next door's cat and fish when they are away- surely an 18 yr old can do ?!

It's not that she can't do it Dixie - it's that she ^won't* do it. SHe's being a marry cow.

HappyFlappy · 21/02/2017 15:39

*Mardy - not marry

Kiroro · 21/02/2017 15:40

WTF? Either she is responsible enough to look after the animals, or she is an immature little shite who can;t be trusted alone on her own. One or the other.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 21/02/2017 15:41

YANBU to be irritated that an 18 year old cannot responsibly look after pets.

YABU to cancel the sitter and leave your pets to be neglected.

I would take the hamsters and fish to your friends' house or to a professional pet sitter and board the cats. That way your friends don't have to come into your house or traipse over to your place twice a day. I would also pay them for caring for the pets. I wouldn't want my pets in a house where young adults are going to be drunkenly roughhousing or making a horrendous racket during the various parties she'll be hosting while you are away.

Swipe left for the next trending thread