"We thought we'd pop in!"

[ArsenalsPlayingAtHome]

Last night my parents "popped in". I'd been in from work for about 20 minutes, during which time I'd said a brief "hello" to DH & children, and immediately started ploughing through the laundry. Had plans to change the sheets on our bed, and give the bathroom a quick clean before starting to cook the tea.

I'm exhausted by the time the DCs are going to bed, and wanted to get as much as done as possible while they were happily spending time on their tablets, so that after tea I could spend a bit of time with them without being knackered and irritable.

I work FT, have very little time to do anything between getting in from work and sorting the kids out at bedtime. Our children have various hobbies, one of which means that either myself of DH are out with at least 1 DC for at least an hour and a half every evening.

Now, I'm not moaning about how busy we are, but AIBU to be pissed off that, knowing how busy we are, my parents decide to "pop in" with not so much as a phone call to see if it's convenient, or if another day might be more/slightly less inconvenient?

My parents aren't fun people to be around, They sit there with miserable faces saying either nothing, or repeating what they've just asked.

PS - This isn't a thread about how DH needs to do more - he does his fair share.

AIBU to be pissed off, and would it BU to ask them not to pop in without ringing?

Getting ready for work now, but will read any responses as soon as I can this evening.
Thanks.

Bet your Mum n Dad thought you were a pain when you were little too, but they raised you, and quite well, judging by how busy you are with your own family, don't BU :-) the beds can wait, the washing up can wait, the kids or the husband can do that! My six yr old can put the washing on! Maybe your folks are miserable because they can sense they ain;t wanted!!! But on the other hand, I too hate people arriving unannounced, just maybe arrange a day that you don't mind seeing them. I guess I just wish I could have my parents round again. :-) x

I don't have parents. (I have a dad and he has a partner but they live 120 miles away. Incidentally, I'm going down to see him on Friday.

My husband's parents have both passed on. A long time ago.

We've lived where we now are for ten years and have a very small group of close friends but essentially, it's just me, hubs, girlie (18) and laddo (14).

I would love to see a parent or parent in law at my door. Even if I was busy, it would still put a smile on my face. I'd invite them in, make coffee and then get on while having a conversation with them, family understand you have things to do. If the children were younger, I'd probably welcome a distraction for them while I got on with stuff because, yes our children grow fast but you'll have them forever whereas you won't have parents forever.

Yes, unannounced visitors can be a pain but sometimes, I find myself wishing for a parent to ring my doorbell.

What a mean spirited post!! Hope your DC don't feel this way about you when you are grandmother to their dc. Your parents obviously don't realise they are a nuisance or are imposing on you. Did they bring you into the world, nurture and provide for you, perhaps they are lonely? 'Sit there with miserable faces'! How rude, show some respect.

I feel the need to jump on your post and moan! My daughter was supposed to go and stay with my Mum tonight, situation changed so they went out for tea. Came back just before 7pm, my mum is still here and has just made herself a cup of tea!!! I'm in my pyjamas waiting for dp to get home. I've told her I thought she was going but she needs a cuppa.
Christ on a bike, just leave!!!

pippy3483 Respect goes both ways. How about OP's parents showing some respect to the OP and recognising that it wasn't a good time for them to be expecting to be hosted and entertained?

Feel sad reading this post .. Mums/ dad's (and grandparents) needing formal invitations and being viewed as an inconvenience. Are our lives really that busy all the time that we can't welcome our own flesh and blood into our home...God I hope my DC's don't think that way about me....

Honestly, all these comments about "how sad people think like thisnof their parents"
"You will miss them when they are gone"
"They wont be around forever"

JEsusfuckingchrist!

So is this why people dont mind people popping in? Because they will die some day?

Can you not have a respectful relationship with your parents where they have the courtesy of calling before popping in and viceversa?!!!

Some people have stressful jobs, MH issues, or simply like to plan their days without having to host an improvised visit.

It is common manners in my opinion.

It is not a crime to want to relax on your own / with your family unit at the end of the day, clean the bathroom if you bloody fancy that.

I wish people realised that you are in charge of how you spend your time and saying NO is completely fine.

How ridiculous to have to spend every single afternoon with someone because they might die one day.

We are all going to die people. Newsflash

Yabu. Why didn't you just leave some of the chores and talk to them? When your children are adults imagine how you'll feel if they dislike you they way you dislike your parents.

OMG. They're your parents. How lucky you are to have some. Lost one at 11. Other at 34. My kids would have adored having grandparents. Stop worrying about bedsheets and bathrooms and make the most of having actual living people in your life that care about you.

I can't stand it when anyone turns up at my door without telling me.
My dad used to do this all the time but he wasn't anybody he was My Dad and we all miss him so much and wish he was still around to turn up anytime.
However my friends would never just turn up as they speak to me everyday anyway.

My DD died when I was 18. My DM when I was 41, My DMIL when I was 43. They were 40, 64, 64.

I miss them every day. Still understand OP post. Sometimes I/they might have popped in for ten minutes or so. Otherwise arranged, and no problem if any of us suggested it didn't suit. I was very close to them all, but we all appreciated each other's needs.

Yes I think it's a personal choice.
We all have our own opinions.

Agree with everything Bluebell posted. Every bit of that.

And thepurple, I did lose my dad in my early 20s and he was the best ever.
He taught me that is was rude to pop in and he would call and arrange beforehand.

Would I love to see him again? What a stupid question. He would still call beforehand

People seem to confuse guilt and appearances with quality time and respect

Some of the responses on this thread are verging on hysterical.

All the "oh what I wouldn't give for my parents to 'pop in' but alas they are no longer alive" and "one day you'll be sorry... when they're DEAD!" stuff is completely unnecessary and very, very manipulative.

Read the OP, people. OP isn't saying she doesn't want her parents to visit. She isn't saying she doesn't want to spend time with them. She isn't even saying she doesn't want them to visit on her working days. She's just saying she'd like them to give her a ring first!!
How so many of you have interpreted OP wanting her DP's to make a quick call/text to let her know they're coming over as evidence of OP hating her poor parents and resenting their very presence in her life is baffling

I also think there's an element of WOHM bashing evident on this thread. All these posters expressing shock that some people actually have to do chores on weekday evenings, snarky comments about kids being on tablets and faux concern about how terribly "sad" it is that OP is so busy she doesn't have time to drop everything and entertain guests during the week. I wonder how many of the people telling OP the laundry and cleaning "could have waited" actually work full time

Yorksha - me! I work full time.

But it is the op who seems to think she has to drop everything. People can sit in your house, chatting to you or your kids without you having to drop anything at all, just plough on.

That's the joy with family - they have to take you as they find you , if they aren't prepared to do that they'll piss off eventually. People can just be there - unless the reason you don't want them there is you want to go to bed/have sex on the kitchen table etc.

Yeah, it can be good to try and identify times/days that are better for you and encourage them to come then, but as others have said, the bed can be changed another day, the bathroom can wait and they can lend a hand with tea.

Ultimately, the people in our lives can be an inconvenience but they should come before chores!

Quite jealous of the people whose parents are no longer with them. That's bad isn't it.

Seems to be a clear division between those that have a great parental relationship and those that dislike them, or at least find them hard work.

Laughing at all the projection on here. Such dramallamery!

You may enjoy unannounced visitors. That's ok.

OP doesn't. That's ok too.

Neither is the 100% right way of thinking.

What is 100% rude as fuck is somebody ignoring the hosts preferences.

I don't like anyone just 'popping in' everyone messages beforehand to make sure it's convientent or we arrange in advance. Everyone's family's are different. I come from a mixed background. My dads family welcome anyone and everyone and always have food and stories to share. My mothers side are cold and a little hostile and rarely bother with each other. I'm a mix of the two. I think you have to compromise a little. Let them know how busy you are, ask them to send you a quick text to make sure you're available. Maybe arrange some family time once a month

Queen wins the thread Nailed it!

I'm fairly sure the OP knows her parents won't be alive forever, if everyone could get off of their soap boxes.

When you have to physically stop what you need to do, to put the kettle on, sit down drinking tea you don't want and entertain someone you don't have time to entertain, talking about shit that quite frankly neither party is interested in, whilst thinking of all the stuff you've still got to do before you catch the 07.07 train to London in a few small hours, you might understand.

Now I will add that my parents are wonderful, and as a rule I don't mind people calling in, especially friends who come with gin but sporadic visits from FIL and his pack of untrained terriers at any time between 6am and 10pm are not always welcomed.

You have to remember not everyone has the luxury of parents coming over to visit. Telling people to get of their soap boxes is insulting. My children don't know their grandparents I am sure a lot of people on this thread either love their parents or don't see them.

Its great to have nice parents.....but some parents are more of a curse than a luxury!