Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"We thought we'd pop in!"

232 replies

ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 21/02/2017 06:45

Last night my parents "popped in". I'd been in from work for about 20 minutes, during which time I'd said a brief "hello" to DH & children, and immediately started ploughing through the laundry. Had plans to change the sheets on our bed, and give the bathroom a quick clean before starting to cook the tea.

I'm exhausted by the time the DCs are going to bed, and wanted to get as much as done as possible while they were happily spending time on their tablets, so that after tea I could spend a bit of time with them without being knackered and irritable.

I work FT, have very little time to do anything between getting in from work and sorting the kids out at bedtime. Our children have various hobbies, one of which means that either myself of DH are out with at least 1 DC for at least an hour and a half every evening.

Now, I'm not moaning about how busy we are, but AIBU to be pissed off that, knowing how busy we are, my parents decide to "pop in" with not so much as a phone call to see if it's convenient, or if another day might be more/slightly less inconvenient?

My parents aren't fun people to be around, They sit there with miserable faces saying either nothing, or repeating what they've just asked.

PS - This isn't a thread about how DH needs to do more - he does his fair share.

AIBU to be pissed off, and would it BU to ask them not to pop in without ringing?

Getting ready for work now, but will read any responses as soon as I can this evening.
Thanks.

OP posts:
Chloe84 · 21/02/2017 09:47

I feel a bit guilty doing chores while visitors here, and I'm much faster when there are no guests around.

My mum would just get stuck in tidying or cooking (I have to force her to just sit and relax sometimes). But there's no formality, she'll get her own tea/food if I'm busy.

WeedlesHatOfDisappointment · 21/02/2017 09:53

emerald-Working full time isn't an excuse to be a bitch Op is not being a bit cheaper because she doesn't want people coming over unannounced, fgs!

I agree Op, I have a set time to get things done round the house, and if this gets interrupted with out warning, it means I have to do things in the time I'd normally spend one on one with dc's.
I also hope when I'm older and go to my dc's home that I remember that there lives won't revolve around me popping over unannounced, and I'll have the courtesy to ask if it's convenient.
I had a similar situation with my parents the other week. I'd texted a few times, to arrange meeting up with them, and kept being told they were busy (fair enough)
I then received a text while out saying that they'd tried to come see me, but we weren't in. Yes- because you didn't tell me you were coming!!

WeedlesHatOfDisappointment · 21/02/2017 09:54

Bit cheaper = bitch Blush

wictional · 21/02/2017 09:58

"Great timing! if you could just start cooking tea whilst I change the sheets Grin "

MuseumOfCurry · 21/02/2017 09:59

Working full time isn't an excuse to be a bitch

Oh, I missed this one.

No, it's not - but working full time and having small children certainly gives you the right to be extremely selective about your weekday evening plans.

Theimpossiblegirl · 21/02/2017 10:13

Nanny, no-one likes a smug post.

I do most of my housework in the evenings after work. That is time-management. I do it when I have time.

BeIIatrixLeStrange · 21/02/2017 10:13

I wouldn't like it to be honest but it does sound like you put excessive pressure on yourself on a work night

Rushing around doing washing, cleaning bathrooms and changing beds - these things are what the weekends are for (in my house) I tend to spend Saturday mornings doing jobs like these

Even without visitors, your evening sounds like a nightmare of your own doing and IMO you could manage your time better to enable you to spend time with your kids and relax after dinner is done?

minipie · 21/02/2017 10:18

YANBU

I'm really close to my parents and they are always welcome and vice versa (we live very close). However we still always check if it's a good time before popping in. It's just politeness surely?

And yeah, if mine did pop in unannounced, they'd be roped into making DC tea etc (and wouldn't mind). Popping by unannounced is only remotely acceptable if you are willing to pitch in with whatever happens to be happening and not expect things to stop to suit you.

I do wonder if the kids really need that amount of hobby time, but appreciate that's a complete tangent Grin

HouseworkIsASin10 · 21/02/2017 10:26

YANBU I love my DM but even I have to ring before I pop in to see her, she has a routine with meal times, nap times, chatting on the phone to her friends 'time'. So I wouldn't just turn up unannounced. Same for me, she would ring to check it was convenient for me.

You can do your housework when you want.

It's ridiculous for people to tell you what the best time is for you to do your housework.

CotedePablo · 21/02/2017 10:35

No wonder they sit there with glum faces if you're so unwelcoming. Anyway, I wish mine were around to still pop in.

namechange20050 · 21/02/2017 10:43

YANBU op. I can't stand people just turning up. And I would never do it to anyone else. I always call to make an arrangement to see someone. It's how I was brought up & it's quite ingrained. I think it's inconsiderant behaviour.

WeedlesHatOfDisappointment · 21/02/2017 10:48

*CotedePablo

No wonder they sit there with glum faces if you're so unwelcoming.*

Yes OP, it must be because of you. I mean, it's not like you've known them for years, so know how they normally interact with you and your family......

Bragadocia · 21/02/2017 10:49

All this "You'll be sorry when they're gone," stuff is maddening.

My father died when I was 7. I'm pretty sure that if he alive today, I'd still prefer he didn't pop in unannounced at a time of day he knows I might be run ragged with other tasks.

dustarr73 · 21/02/2017 10:51

Well turn it on its head,do you not think its rude of people turn up unannounced,when you have only got in from work.Trying to get get kids to bed,while making smalltalk is no mean feat.

The parents are making it awkward,if she is not interacting,then take your cue and leave.

AshesandDust · 21/02/2017 10:51

They're family, why not be more relaxed and cheerily tell them to help themselves to a cup of tea and to feel free to make a dent in the washing up etc?

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 21/02/2017 10:54

Yup, can posters stop with all the 'I wish mine were still here, you'll miss it when they're gone' blah, blah, blah Hmm

Of course she'll miss them when they're dead [or maybe not] but they're currently dropping in unannounced, when she's dog tired after a long day at work which is what her gripe is today!

Bluebellevergreen · 21/02/2017 11:02

Why are you changing beds after coming home from work, you need better time management skills
Hmm 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Nanna then make sure you dont pop in for a cuppa, call first.

Oh dear all the "you will be sorry when they are gone talk" seriously people!
My father died when I was in my early 20s, awful, awful. He is the one that taught me manners, which include not showing up unannounced. So he would be rather pleased that I still follow his ways. My mum doesnt do this either. And if anyone did I will politely ask them to come back at a suitable time.

There is nothing wrong with being assertive, and I will not be guilt tripped because people are selfish sorry.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 21/02/2017 11:10

Helping themselves to a cup of tea or doing the washing up doesn't sound like their style.

If they're not prepared to muck in with whatever's going on when they 'pop in', then surely they should at least check first that it's convenient?

reallyanotherone · 21/02/2017 11:12

I'd ask my mum to help me change the sheets!

Just mum? Because it's wifework? Is she supposed to make her Dad a cup of tea and make sure he has his feet up first?

O/p I'd have left them to entertain the kids. "Sorry, just got in and need to do a few things. Do you mind watching the kids for me, help yourself to tea and coffee". Or what I tend to do is give them a cup of tea in the kitchen while I get on with dinner.

PeachyImpeachment · 21/02/2017 11:15

I hate, hate, hate being 'pooped' in on by anyone. Maybe say that you're upset that they come when you are busy because you would like to spend quality time with them. Fix a visit to them so that you can control how long you are there. It's difficult.

AshesandDust · 21/02/2017 11:16

I don't think you can tell what their style is from the OP to fair.
Until they're asked to muck in you can't you can't tell - they might
think sod that for a game of soldiers and never come round on the
off chance again...result either way. Grin

paxillin · 21/02/2017 11:18

Next time say how lovely to see you, extra hands on a busy night. Dad, could you help DS strip the beds, mum would you mind washing the dishes? Otherwise I won't have time to sit down with you.

Timeforteaplease · 21/02/2017 11:19

If you know somebody well enough to just pop in, then you know them well enough to not be offended if they point you towards the kettle and hand you a child to entertain whist they finish what they were doing.
If you want to be formally greeted and entertained, schedule a time to visit that works for everyone.

BigBangTheory789 · 21/02/2017 11:19

I find this thread really sad. It's such a horrible feeling for your child to view your visit to them as a complete inconvenience. I'm sorry OP, but YABU. On day your parents may not be around and maybe you would hope for even a visit of them with their miserable faces than no visit at all.

Bragadocia · 21/02/2017 11:20

Peachy, if people are pooping on you, you definitely don't need to take that shit.