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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To burn my sons exgf stuff....

277 replies

imnotpregnantanymore · 21/02/2017 03:29

After shes burnt all of his and publicly shamed him on facefook.

He left quite a bit with her. New clothes that i had brought for him and she wore and never brought back. PS3 and PS4 games,music cds,and sone other peraonal items including a blanket his grandmother gave him as a baby.
He tried to arrange to get them back. She went total bitch on him. Shes burnt them. Put pics alongside nasty comments regarding it all.
The girls fukin bitch mother has also liked the pics.

So... aibu to do the same but minus the silly public pics and comments. My son is all for it.
Im fuming Angry

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 21/02/2017 10:20

MrsDustyBusty

Going to the police isn't spiteful, its doing the right thing. To say its spiteful once gain puts the onus on the DS.

As for what the son did to "provoke" this, he left what seems to be an abusive relationship. what else should he have done?

OnionKnight · 21/02/2017 10:23

So if an abusive husband punches his wife, must she have provoked him?

Thought not.

Some people are just cunts, no provoking required.

MrsDustyBusty · 21/02/2017 10:23

Hoping that you can ruin her chance of a career by going to the police is spiteful, though.

badtime · 21/02/2017 10:23

MrsDusty, the OP wouldn't be 'setting out to ruin someone's life before its begun'. She/her son would be reporting a criminal act to the police. If they had faked the destruction of property, your view would be appropriate, but she would have brought this on herself.

As for the 'extreme behaviour for no reason at all', I don't think there would be so much incredulity if the OP's child's male ex had done something similar. Sometimes women can behave badly too.

BillSykesDog · 21/02/2017 10:24

FFS. No wonder MN has a reputation as a hive of misandry. If this happened to a girl posters would be racing to do the whole head tilt 'that's abuse, call Women's Aid'.

Because it's a boy he must have 'provoked' her, he's 'rough' and Jeremy Kyle fodder because of someone else's actions?

Fucking disgraceful.

BillSykesDog · 21/02/2017 10:26

Why did they split up? I'd like to hear both sides of the story.

Why? It doesn't matter even if he did cheat on her, THIS IS STILL BLOODY ABUSE AND ILLEGAL.

Aderyn2016 · 21/02/2017 10:27

I stand by my advice MrsDustyBusty. If you commit a criminal act then you deserve a criminal record.

What she did was spiteful, designed to cause emotional distress to the OP's son. If he was my boy, too right I'd be legally nailing the little cow to the floor.

Obviously, if you are happy to let someone get away with setting fire to your belongings that is your prerogative.

Original poster
imnotpregnantanymore · 21/02/2017 10:27

Please bare with me..ive alot going on inbetween reading and commenting.

So people want to know why they broke up and why its taken this long to get his stuff.
He was ill a few weeks before they split. Xgf accused him of avoiding her and went all abusive. Including sat on my driveway threatening to kill him.if he didnt hurry up and do it himself. My other son (10) was scared to death as she was screaming. Police were called.not just by me but by passers by. She did this in broad daylight! I have a baby also and was not at liberty to go and punch her tell her to go away without it causing even more stress. Police came.. moved her on,said there was nothing else they can do. Son blocked her but she found every way possible to get tohim. Includong his mates. She used them and they know how bonkers she is so wont get involved. He asked for his stuff back a few nights ago and she pretty much told him that because his mates dont want to help getting it back to him that shes going to burn it. And she did.
Hea not going to burn stuff,ive convinced him otherwise.
Hes asked.. is it good enough to send it to the charity shop she uses regularly?

Now im still in total bitch mode... so hes proba best not listening to me. What do you guys rekon?

OP posts:
PurpleMinionMummy · 21/02/2017 10:29

Yanbu to think about it, you're angry and feeling your sons upset, understandably so, but you know you wbu to do it.

Bag her stuff up and put it somewhere safe. Don't dispose of it, it may come back to bite you later on if you go to the police/small claims, and I think you should. Get legal advice, if you have it as an add on, on an insurance policy they can probably advise you. Perhaps a restraining order would also be appropriate?

No we don't know the ins and outs but you can't go around destroying peoples property, regardless of the whys. I dare say it would be easier to let go of if she hadn't burnt his baby blanket, that's just awful and not replaceable. She absolutely should have some consequences for her actions.

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2017 10:30

OP, just encourage your son to go through the proper channels and contact the police.

Sick of people who insist on ignoring the issue in order to pick on someone elses grammar, spelling and syntax. Bullying is vile user1477282676, and you shame yourself by your words

I completely agree with this ^^. Don't be a dick user1477282676

You give all the other user numbers a bad name.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/02/2017 10:31

Just let the police deal with it. Don't sink to her level. Your son will be glad, one day, that he was the better person.

BathshebaDarkstone · 21/02/2017 10:32

I would but not if you want to take this to the police.

Does she work? Can you dump it on her doorstep when she's out?

Aderyn2016 · 21/02/2017 10:33

Some people are just nasty - it doesn't mean that he did anything wrong.

badtime · 21/02/2017 10:36

OP, go to the police. That will be the best (if not the only) way to show her that her behaviour was wrong and will not be tolerated while retaining the moral high ground (which people like that hate).

BillSykesDog · 21/02/2017 10:36

Is there an intermediary you can give her stuff to? You really shouldn't do anything other than give it to her. If this goes further with the police you want your son to be absolutely clean. No opportunities for tit for tat reporting or blaming him.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/02/2017 10:36

FFS. No wonder MN has a reputation as a hive of misandry. If this happened to a girl posters would be racing to do the whole head tilt 'that's abuse, call Women's Aid'.

Completely agree.

Aderyn2016 · 21/02/2017 10:40

I wouldn't give it back yet. Bag it up and put in out of sight. Go to the police - you have proof of what she has done. Why throw away the opportunity to make her experience the consequences of her behaviour and get some of the money back? You'd be mad to not persue it legally.

Aderyn2016 · 21/02/2017 10:40

Take advice from the police re her stuff.

notanurse2017 · 21/02/2017 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarmaNoMore · 21/02/2017 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greedygorb · 21/02/2017 10:44

I would go to the police and I'm the sort of person who would avoid making a drama at all costs. But because when I was younger I was friends with someone who turned into a pyscho when she was dumped. And no the guy did nothing wrong she was just obsessive and a bit unhinged. She stalked him, she made his life miserable, she got to his friends. We tried to stop her but she just did it secretly. It was horrendous and that was the days before the internet or before anyone would've gone to the police about it. He was 19ish and it fucked him up emotionally for ages. I wish he could've reported some of her behaviour and that might have stopped her. And no she wasn't rough as fuck she was just a vengeful person. I've known more than one woman who's done this but it's worse when it's teenagers involved. They often don't have the emotionally capacity to deal with this well.

Freddorika · 21/02/2017 10:44

Go to the police and let them handle it.

You sound over invested in his life tbh.

Freddorika · 21/02/2017 10:45

Criminal damage with evidence will be much easier for the police

tbh sitting on your driveway screaming isn't actually a crime afaik

Aderyn2016 · 21/02/2017 10:49

Over invested?
Are you the exgf Freddorika?

Bet you woulfn't be okay with some nut screaming on your drive and frightening your children.

Skooba · 21/02/2017 10:51

Some people are bampots.
I really think you are crazy to escalate a row with bampots x2.
Just leave it be and be thankful you no longer need to have dealings with her.

How much more stress and anger do you want in your lives. She might have 'won' in her eyes, but she is on a hide into nothing and her life will not pan out well with this crazy behaviour. Just stay away.