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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To burn my sons exgf stuff....

277 replies

imnotpregnantanymore · 21/02/2017 03:29

After shes burnt all of his and publicly shamed him on facefook.

He left quite a bit with her. New clothes that i had brought for him and she wore and never brought back. PS3 and PS4 games,music cds,and sone other peraonal items including a blanket his grandmother gave him as a baby.
He tried to arrange to get them back. She went total bitch on him. Shes burnt them. Put pics alongside nasty comments regarding it all.
The girls fukin bitch mother has also liked the pics.

So... aibu to do the same but minus the silly public pics and comments. My son is all for it.
Im fuming Angry

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 21/02/2017 08:43

It feels like some people on mumsnet could never show sympathy for a boy, even if he has done nothing wrong.

Agreed.

I hate to do this but if the genders were reversed I'm pretty certain that there'd be nobody accusing the OP of being over-involved or the OP's daughter being called rough etc.

Willow2016 · 21/02/2017 08:45

Gf refused to let him get his stuff back.
Collaborated with someone who egged her on cos they fancy her and burnt all his stuff and threatened to kill him. Then boasted of it all over Facebook but HE is 'rough'. And it's obviously HIS fault? Is there a some computer virus preventing people RTFT at the moment?

Definitely go to police and see how much smart ads smiling she does in fb after that 🤔

Musicinthe00ssucks · 21/02/2017 08:47

How about calling the police and using the Facebook posts as evidence? Why on earth would you think it would be a good idea to burn her things??

Silverdream · 21/02/2017 08:54

I'd just be glad he's had the sense to leave her. Make sure you and he blocks her on all media. If she continues harassing him go to the police and ask them to talk to her.
I would not give her any feed back. Be NC so she can move on.
I'm confused why after this time and your son not having anything to do with her that she is still acting as if they have just split. I feel there is contact still through friends, by your son or through social media. This is just adding fuel to the fire.

seafoodeatit · 21/02/2017 08:59

The mother of the girl sounds vile and the girl herself sounds quite nasty too, you're rightly very upset. I hope you go to the police, they need to face real consequences to their actions, get back at them the legal way not by stooping to their level.

Funnyonion17 · 21/02/2017 09:00

User stop being a dick.

Op you should goto the police, let her learn that she's commited criminal damage. I should imagine she will get into a lot of trouble.

cariboo · 21/02/2017 09:03

Of course the damage should be documented and a formal complaint made to the police. Two wrongs don't make a right.

But forgive me for my burning (pardon the pun) question: how does one go about burning all this stuff? Isn't it illegal to start large fires without special permission? And, once more, how do you go about getting all this stuff to burn?

I'm not being funny, I just want to know,

ShaniaTwang · 21/02/2017 09:05

Frankly - Get. A. Grip. Be the adult and support your son deal with his relationship.

CatThiefKeith · 21/02/2017 09:13

OP my ex burned a load of my stuff after I caught him cheating and finally left the abusive bastard.

Baby photos, clothes, precious books, diaries and all sorts. Not to mention flogging the contents of my jewellery box including my grans wedding ring and a charm bracelet I'd had since a baby.

It hurt like hell, as it was supposed to, but you know what? It was just stuff. He didn't take my memories, he didn't take the live that those things were bought or made from, and i held my head high and moved on.

If you feel the need for revenge do as other posters have suggested and call the police. Otherwise the best revenge really is to move on, and live well.

Twunt ex also ran up credit cards in my name and left me with a load of debt, but has since been declared bankrupt and he and his new wife are living in a caravan at the bottom of his mums garden. Spiteful arseholes rarely live a happy life.

VintagePerfumista · 21/02/2017 09:15

Still curious, as others have said, what suddenly provoked this woman to burn her ex's clothes and threaten to kill him.

Had he not noticed during the relationship she was a psycho?

(and I'd say that if it was a girl talking about a boy as well)

MargaretCavendish · 21/02/2017 09:16

But forgive me for my burning (pardon the pun) question: how does one go about burning all this stuff? Isn't it illegal to start large fires without special permission? And, once more, how do you go about getting all this stuff to burn?

I would imagine that they did something like put it in a bin with a bit of lighter fluid or similar. The stuff probably isn't actually burnt to cinders - but it is permanently ruined, and it'll have produced enough flames for a Facebook pic.

For what it's worth, I agree that this is a horrible thing for her to have done, regardless of what happened in the relationship. Definitely don't sink to her level, though.

Foxysoxy01 · 21/02/2017 09:17

The best revenge will be taking the high ground and going to the police.

You have evidence so the police should at least log it and go round for a chat with the girl. It will also be handy having a log of this incident in case her behaviour escalates further.

I know how tempting it must be to want to revenge your son and I would be breathing fire but it really is not going to help one jot lowering yourself to her level. It would also make your son look just as unhinged as the ex, but you really should take it to the police don't let her think she can behave in this way with no consequences.

MargaretCavendish · 21/02/2017 09:19

Still curious, as others have said, what suddenly provoked this woman to burn her ex's clothes and threaten to kill him. Had he not noticed during the relationship she was a psycho?

Maybe he did. If so, how was he supposed to exit the relationship without provoking her?

I also think that she might be a fairly normal (but very hurt) girl who got carried away and did a stupid and nasty thing. There's quite a strong media image of the 'woman scorned' as damaging property (keying cars, etc.) and it can be portrayed as both funny and empowering. I think she might well look back on this with horror and regret when she grows up a bit.

gamerchick · 21/02/2017 09:21

It's good you've screen grabbed. Now do as has been suggested and go to the police. They will take it seriously.

Sort out an invoice for all the things listed.

Crispbutty · 21/02/2017 09:25

My psycho ex husband threw all my clothes and personal stuff onto the drive, poured oil all over it and was about to set fire to it when the police arrived to arrest him for trying to kill me. (I had managed to get away from him luckily). He was charged with criminal damage and had to pay some paltry amount which didn't even come close to the value of the items he ruined. He was also given a lifetime restraining order too.

Aderyn2016 · 21/02/2017 09:43

Really sorry for what your son is going through and for the nasty way some posters here have treated you. Their posts shame them.

Agree that your best revenge is to ensure she gets a criminal record, which will basically screw up her life way more than burning her belongings would do.

prh47bridge · 21/02/2017 09:48

I haven't read the whole thread but she has broken the law by burning his possessions. He is entitled to compensation under the Torts (Interference with Goods) Act 1977.

Rather than put yourself and your son in the same position, I suggest your son writes to her giving her a deadline to recover her goods. To comply with the law this notice needs to give your son's name and address, a description of the goods and details of where they are held, and state that her goods are ready for delivery to her. The notice should also give a deadline for collection and state that, if she fails to collect her goods by that date, they will be sold.

Your son should also work out the value of the goods she has destroyed (difficult with something like the blanket which has huge sentimental value but probably little real value), give her a deadline for paying this amount and state that he will take legal action if she fails to pay. Unless his goods were worth more than £10,000 this will be a small claim so he will not need a lawyer - indeed, he should not use a lawyer as he will not be able to recover legal fees.

I would also seriously consider reporting the girl to the police for criminal damage.

In my view that would teach her and her mother a far more powerful lesson than simply retaliating in kind by burning her stuff.

Stormwhale · 21/02/2017 09:50

I think you should go to the police with the evidence and go from there. Your son needs to see you acting appropriately even in the face of such unreasonable behaviour. He must be hurting so badly, but this is definitely a teachable moment.

prh47bridge · 21/02/2017 09:51

I should add that, to comply with the law, the notice I have outlined should be sent by registered post or recorded delivery. I would also suggest that he states that if the goods are sold the proceeds of the sale will be used towards the money she owes him for destroying his goods.

BoneyBackJefferson · 21/02/2017 10:02

I find it interesting that so many posters believe that the OP's son must have done something wrong to "provoke" this woman in to action.

Theimpossiblegirl · 21/02/2017 10:08

If the gender was reversed (psycho ex-boyfriend burning daughter's stuff) would the posters saying she must have done something to set him off be so quick to point the finger?

MrsDustyBusty · 21/02/2017 10:11

Agree that your best revenge is to ensure she gets a criminal record, which will basically screw up her life way more than burning her belongings would do.

Dreadful, spiteful advice. These young people aren't even 20 yet. She has done a dreadful thing but to set out to ruin someone's life before its begun is shocking, particularly from an adult.

I find it interesting that so many posters believe that the OP's son must have done something wrong to "provoke" this woman in to action.

I think it's because it's hard to imagine such extreme behaviour for no reason at all.

myusernamewastaken · 21/02/2017 10:15

I think the Op is getting a bashing on here and im not sure why....all these people saying dont sink to her level etc just lets them get away with it....sometimes people need a dose of their own medicine....im with you Op....i have a son that age and id be raging.

DianaMemorialJam · 21/02/2017 10:16

No need to get yourself involved in a relationship between two adults. Let your son deal with it, he's old enough. If he wants to go to the police then he will do.

PortiaCastis · 21/02/2017 10:17

Why did they split up?
I'd like to hear both sides of the story.

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