AIBU not to want to send my dd to boarding school ?

[mollythedogsmum]

Parents in Law have kindly offered (pushed hard since birth) for us to send DD to the same boarding school FIL and DH went to. They have offered to pay for her as well. AIBU not to want to send her away? If she stayed at home DD would go to the local state school at home and the offer is limited ONLY to that one particular school which is over 2hrs drive so being a day pupil wouldn't work. They have offered to help us look for a house closer to that school but I don't really want to leave job, friends and family I have locally. Am I being selfish not to give her the opportunity of a top education because I don't want her to board? Should I just say f* it and bite the bullet and move? They have said if DD went there they would also pay for DS to go there too when he is 11 - DD is in year5 at the moment - i can't ask my family as they sit on the fence - pls help!

Actually, I take that back. I think it was called a "police check" then.

I don't think they have either, it's just that the op seemed to need the support to have confidence in her own opinion. It's all good

This is always an emotive subject because people who wouldn't dream of sending (or can't afford to send) their DCs to boarding school are always very strong on how awful it would be.
I would say, don't rule it out. Go and see the school, and take your DD. Lots of the boarding schools now do a taster sleepover.
Would she like to go? Would your husband like her to go? I think your DDs opinion is most important.
Personally, although I see my DD at a private secondary when she gets to that age but if she had her heart set on boarding, I certainly wouldn't rule it out. At boarding school she will have access to smaller class sizes, facilities, contacts and networking opportunities that state schools can usually only dream about.
I don't see why you need to move house though.

They are proposing this school... because they have experience of it.

It is insufficient, when making any sort of major life changing decision, to go along with the one thing you know, however much it may have suited you in the past. It is vital to do proper market research, which means exploring multiple options.

I think boarding schools can offer lots of positives. I went to one of the top ones and lived about 3 hours away so rarely went home on exeat weekends; would stay with day girl friends etc. There is no need for you to move house; that's a bit drastic! With the contact you can have now it's not too bad to stay in regular contact anyway (we had to queue for phone and rely on letters and I survived..)

If it were me I would ask your child what they think about the idea as it's a great and generous opportunity. If they are interested in the possibility I would take them on an open day and get them to talk to other pupils about their experiences. If you are into sport, art or music boarding school can be a great option. It has also given me the ability to slot into any situation- travelling solo, working abroad and so on without it being a major deal.

But that is far, far from being enough, Navy. It does not suffice to take a look at the school on offer.

A child's school should be chosen on the basis that it suits THAT child, not on the basis that previous generations went there

I am very pro private schools but if I had no means of accessing one I wouldn't make myself or my child unhappy by researching them.

Not of her choice, she doesn't.

My ds is only 16mo - I'm currently 'considering' putting him into a nursery, half a mile down the road, for 2 mornings a week and the thought make me cry so I'm probably not the best person to advise BUT if your dd likes it after the open day, maybe give it a go? Although I also think it's rather controlling of the GPS... if their concern is rely about your dds education, surely there are great private eduction institutes nearer you that dd could attend as a day pupil?...

OP, I think you should take a good look round and decide what is right for the whole family.

I have 2 DC who are day pupils at a boarding school (one that is mentioned up thread). They love it as the get the best of both worlds, they can access all the school facilities and clubs, teams etc but they get to go home and chill. BUT you need to live very close by to make this work, the school day is 8.30am - 9pm and there is school on Saturday mornings and matches etc in the afternoons. I am frequently picking up at 9-10pm on a weekend. Pretty much anyone who doesn't live really close is now boarding. They do have friends locally as they went to the school's prep nearby, but they also have friends scattered all over the world. We have had a lot of boarders staying over with us from time to time and they all seem a reasonably happy lot.

If you could afford it would you send her? If the answer is no, you know its not the right thing.
Why would you bother having kids then sending them away?

I boarded from 9, DH from 8. We've decided to let our DCs choose if they want to board when they get into double figures.

DS1 wanted to go to the local comp and has done really well. He now wants to board for sixth form.
The others are all too little to worry yet but I do think a child who wants to try boarding should be allowed if possible.
Ask DD, if she loves the idea there's no harm in letting her try.

Children flourish with involved parents

As I wrote (much) earlier, all our children are offered the choice of boarding school which is heart breaking for me but the right thing to do for them. Four out of the six have chosen it so far (we won't allow the choice until they are 11) but we are very much involved with them and with their education. Each one of them flourishes, or has done so far. It's understandable that boarding is a topic which divides opinions but completely wrong to assume that parents who offer it (my children are not 'sent away') aren't involved or don't care.

I think BS could be great for older kids and they'd have to really want to go - but that is just too young for me.

I boarded, and i think there's value for a child that wanted to going for 6th form, it's a good half way house between being mostly on your own at university and being at home and it made me much more independent than my friends and certainly than the younger adults in my family are now. I'm not sure I could send one at 11 or 13 though, even weekly. I'd look into the moving closer to the school route if I were op.

Navy

These comments have upset me so much over the last couple of years.
People assuming or suggesting we "sent dd away".
How can making the most difficult decision of your life, knowing you will be heart broken, crying almost constantly for a full term because you miss your child so much, be a case of sending them away because you can't be bothered to parent or want rid of your child.
It's sad that parents could think this of other parents.
Mine is home until Sunday, next monday I'll feel sick to the stomach, sobbing and feel like my insides are being ripped out.

I'd consider weekly boarding for my 15/16 yr old and never thought i'd say that. I hardly see my 14 yr old as it is and trying to prise him off his phone or xbox is a nightmare. The sports are dropping off too. I think he'd have a lot more fun and spend his time better in a more structured environment with other kids around and good sports facilities etc on tap.