To think friends are being over-senstive?

[pomadas87]

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?!

"ILikeBeans - The Pale was the part of Ireland under English rule. 'Beyond the pale' was considered to be uncivilised territory."

Yes, but it doesn't mean that now, so I have no problem using it.

Is very polite and having tea at 4 o'clock insulting??

changing it to Muslim twins - where have you got the impression Muslims don't use birth control? Contraception is allowed by 8 out of 9 schools of Islam...?

Tesco and Jenny beat me to it. I would find it insensitive and infuriating to be contiually asked when I'm going to start a family.
There comes a point when that becomes very offensive

Yes, agreed , the Scots can be unbearable towards the English (usually not to their faces). One could argue that arises from centuries of oppression!!

But there are no English 'jokes' or swipes that I know of, unless you include ' sassenachs'

The Goerdies and the Scots do have things they aim at each other, mind

*Well I think it's quite offensive to put people on the spot about when they will have children. Pot - kettle - black

People are unbelievable sometimes.*

My thoughts exactly! They've been dreadfully rude and personal....and then give the OP a hard time over semantics. And it was semantics - she used a turn of phrase which some people now feel is outdated and no longer acceptable to them. She obviously was not, in the context of that conversation, attempting to denigrate Irish people. So to call her a racist or a xenophobe is, frankly, ridiculous. What they meant was they would prefer she used a different phrase (and, if they felt strongly enough to comment, that is what they should have said).

But the AIBU wasn't about that... we all agree that is tedious behaviour.

It was about whether her friends were over sensitive to her back chat.

Jury still out on that one.

There are lots of stereotypes about English people. That we're cold and overly polite and withdrawn, arrogant, drunk and loutish abroad, all hooligans. Especially living here in Ireland I see more of it. Baddies often have English accents in movies because of these stereotypes.

I would have innocently said that too, I didn't realise it was considered racist. What's the correct term for it? Because I have 'them' so I've probably been offending people left right and centre for years 😳

Chin up OP - I'd no idea what that meant.

There are lots of derogatory words that are in regular use that have a disablist or xenophobic connotation and nobody blinks, I think it was poor of your friends to assume you'd know what it meant, I wouldn't.

Were any of the offended people Irish? I'm a bit meh about it, not offended because it's not relevant to modern Ireland and nobody really thinks that it is, but more that it's like something someone's granny would say not a young person. You know, like take your coat off indoors or you won't feel the benefit type thing.

There are plenty of generalisations of the English by other nationalities, some true and some not.

My mum used to tell Me to tidy my room because it was like "paddy's market" I don't use it as I figure it probably is offensive. Christ knows what it means though!

I am Irish but I now live in England and I don't like the phrase. Glad you are going to apologize but they don't really have the moral high ground either.
Don't get me started on MIL using the term that's a bit Irish.
Also I hated a particular flight where the Captain was Irish. Someone behind me pointed it and said it was a worry.
You see lots of people do think it's funny to make out that Irish people are a bit thick. I even saw a mum for sale with the handle inside labelled genuine Irish mug.

TimTam - yes plenty.

It IS definitely something a granny ought to say, But am assuming OP is quite young!

Anyway, OP has very graciously taken It all on the chin and won't use the phrase again lightly I imagine. Hoorah!

Wow, I didn't realise that "throwing a paddy" had anything to do with the Irish. I have probably used it too at some point.
I am Welsh Valleys so get loads and loads of sheep jokes, especially as I sometimes work in England. Can't say they offend me, just a bit of banter and I suppose I give as good as I get.

Yes, yes, lots of generalisations and stereotypes of the English , of course (mainly about superiority, much like the German stereotypes) but I cannot think of a thing such as Irish Twins (which my Irish friend say she thinks is an English expression..) or Welshing on a bet , for example.

Possibly the Australian do it with their 'whinging Poms'.

And don't get me started on Katie Hopkins and her 'sweaty Jocks'!

Just found a link about it!!! It is a glasgow phrase obviously.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/uk/2009/may/14/paddys-market-closure-glasgow-scotland

Eugh. I think comments like that need to be treated the way they were intended. You intended it as a joke and said it to a friend whom you believed would take it that way. If you had meant to cause offence that would be different. Your friend could have pointed out your faux pas without the ridiculous fuss.

Maybe it shouldn't be said, and maybe you won't again but you don't deserve the treatment or reaction you got xx

I've had people be very rude to me in Ireland and Scotland about being English (or Angleesh as it's pronounced in this house). If it's jokey I have no problem at all and will join in. If it's serious I am - but to me says something about the person being like that.

I never understand why brainstorm is offensive (& I have a son with horrible epilepsy - very far removed from people having a brainstorm).

Omgyoumustbekidding - it means everything out on display in a jumble. We still have a market referred to as paddy market but heavily irish area so possibly why and mostly the older generation who use the term.
Op I would find the term offensive for it discussing contraceptive choices if it were used to me. Same as comments about not having a telly. I agree it could be construed as derogatory to the irish so wouldn't use that term. However your friend asked for a cutting remark back by starting the conversation on conception imo so yes she's oversensitive for that reason

Paddy is yes (although in Glasgow, it would more be Tams or Tims which I wouldn't recommend an English person adopt for fear of a Glasgow kiss as it's bigoted) : throwing a paddy not something I heard ever.

But yes, just seen 'it looks like Paddy's market ' - I do remember that one.

some English people continue to make jokes about a very outdated view of ireland rooted in superiority, as though we're all alcoholic, contraceptive avoiding IRA members, and once you've been exposed to that, it can get your back up a bit

I suspect also there's a fair amount of anti-Catholic feeling behind the phrase, given that the English enacted anti-Catholic legislation which remained in force until the 19th century.

I'm English but with Celtic ancestry. IMO ginger jokes aren't funny. It might be to the bigot making the joke, but they only make that joke on the occasions when they see a redhead. I live with it daily. It's at best tiresome, irritating, unfunny and unnecessary.

I first heard the term Irish twins when a parent told me they had a ds and a dd and said they were very close in age, calling them "irish twins". it iddn't seem offensivce to me

I do think people are so quick to get offended these days. I think this term is a tongue-in-cheek phrase not intended to be racist. My goodness, myself and my husband are a real mixtures of nationalities and I wouldn't be offended by such a saying. Political correctness gone a bit overboard if you ask me.