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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think friends are being over-senstive?

999 replies

pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 18:51

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid Grin why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?! Confused

OP posts:
SanityAssassin · 20/02/2017 20:23

However insensitive its not Racist though is it? Mostly Irish are white Caucasian so unless the friend is of a different race (not nationality or religion) then racist isn't the right term.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 20:23

Agreed Gabilan - lots of this is to do with Catholicism

heateallthebuns · 20/02/2017 20:25

Sectarian rather than racist?

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 20:26

PC and proud Desert That's Me!

You sound about 70.... Wink

llhj · 20/02/2017 20:27

Have used this phrase for years as do all my Irish friends and acquaintances. Never heard anyone refer to it as offensive. I'm astonished that anyone would find it so. Seems slightly ridiculous to adopt offence where none historically exists.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 20:27

Sanity someone said 'derogatory' before, which I think is probably the better expression.

The UN's definition of racism is quite interesting though.

MrsDoylesTeabags · 20/02/2017 20:29

I really think if you can't take it then don't give it.
Your friend started the 'banter' by the constant remarks about when you're going to start a family but then get upset when you respond with an equally cheeky comment. Maye they'll calm down with the childless jibes now?

BigbyWolf · 20/02/2017 20:30

Christ, I seriously couldn't be arsed with friends who got offended over that.

People who are so easily offended are fucking tiresome.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 20:30
  • In both England and the United States, a massive influx of Irish immigration in the 1800s led to a negative connotation with Irish people and society. This often happens when a large immigrant group begins to settle in mass numbers in a new country. The Irish were accused of being backwards and uncultured, and it was assumed that they were uneducated, dirty, and a general pox on society. As a result, the use of the word “Irish” began to be pejorative.

A number of derogatory terms incorporating stereotypes about the Irish began to emerge, including “Irish confetti” for thrown bricks and “Irish kiss” for a slap. Irish twins fits into this vernacular, and is actually insulting on multiple levels.

Firstly, the term pokes fun at the stereotypical fertility of Irish Catholic families, which traditionally do not use birth control. In addition, it implies that the Irish lack the ability to plan ahead or control themselves, having children in quick succession rather than responsibly spacing them. Finally, it suggests that the Irish do not understand the medical definition of twins, which involves two children conceived and born together. *

This definition rather suggests the Irish did not coin this phrase themselves.

Gwenhwyfar · 20/02/2017 20:30

"its not Racist though is it? Mostly Irish are white Caucasian so unless the friend is of a different race (not nationality or religion) then racist isn't the right term."

There's no agreed definition of race Sanity and many see it as a social construct anyway, so saying something about a particular nationality/ethnic group can indeed be seen as racist. (That doesn't mean I think OP has been racist in this example).

Branleuse · 20/02/2017 20:30

some people find it offensive. Most people do not. I think they were completely OTT to call you racist or xenophobic over it

mickeysminnie · 20/02/2017 20:31

There are LOADS of terms used for English people.
An Irish term referring to English as "tans' is very offensive.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 20:32

Happy to be fucking tiresome. !

I could be offended but am not. Now is you called me a 'fucking tiresome Jock'....

Gwenhwyfar · 20/02/2017 20:32

"Is very polite and having tea at 4 o'clock insulting??"

Just stereotypes really. Being arrogant and superior is insulting though isn't it? There's disagreement on the thread about whether saying people have children in quick succession is insulting or not - depends on your view on family planning I suppose.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 20:33

Not sure it would be intended to be a compliment Gwen ?!

SarcasmMode · 20/02/2017 20:33

I didn't even know the term until a few years ago and I was born in NI. Granted, didn't live there long but all family is NI.

I think it's a case of being offended on behalf of a group than actually finding it offensive.

For instance I am VI. Many people state sight jokes are rude very vocally in front of me. It's nice but I'd rather they say because they are against it instead of feeling offended by proxy.

Sunnie1984 · 20/02/2017 20:34

Well you learn something new everyday. I also have used this and did not consider it offensive (I'm Irish).

I will remove it from my vocabulary!

OP I think it was an over reaction to an innocent comment, which they could have dealt with subtly rather than have a go.

Gwenhwyfar · 20/02/2017 20:34

"I didn't realise that "throwing a paddy" had anything to do with the Irish."

Me neither. Trying to remember if I've ever used it now...

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 20/02/2017 20:34

i think the point that matters is that you offended your friends regardless of people agreeing/disagreeing on here which means you should apologise for it

ToastDemon · 20/02/2017 20:36

It was massively shit of your friends to have a go at you and accuse you of being a racist and a xenophobe for something you said in all innocence.

Janet80 · 20/02/2017 20:36

It isn't actually racist to say Irish twins as no Law has been made covering this term. (We discussed this in work to do with certain terms and legal issues). Until an actual case gets taken to court and proven, then it is not legally racist. So sheep shagger is not racist, sweaty jock also not racist. Maybe people don't like them, but they are not (legally) racist.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 20/02/2017 20:36

No you are right.

I've had mongrel tho, white settler is also common, and Tory scum(I don't vote conservative). I've also sat in a morrisons cafe and heard a conversation being had about the english girl who served them breakfast being an effing english bitch. My brother in law had some crap put on his facebook that is literally not decent to repeat!

I'd prefer to be called an Irish twin, don't get me wrong it's racist and shouldn't be said, but it sounds much cuter and fluffier.

There is a difference between racism with hatred and the accidental use of a phrase with racial connotations.

Oh well...

Xmasbaby11 · 20/02/2017 20:38

I didn't know that was racist! I don't really use the phrase but I definitely won't now.

Gwenhwyfar · 20/02/2017 20:39

"Not sure it would be intended to be a compliment Gwen ?!"

Someone on the thread said she saw it as a positive.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 20:40

My gran used to say 'working like a black' (and worse...) and call black children 'little black sambo'. My aunt says 'pickaninny'. Lots of folk used to happily say Paki shop. In fact, I heard that last week.

To deplore these in not PC surely? But 50 years ago, or even 40, I would have likely been howled down as 'too easily offended' or appropriating offence on someone's behalf.
May be off topic but related to some PPs