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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think friends are being over-senstive?

999 replies

pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 18:51

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid Grin why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?! Confused

OP posts:
Pigflewpast · 20/02/2017 19:44

Irish kiss is Manchester kiss here in Yorkshire, in Manchester it's probably a Liverpool kiss. So we must be racist against Mancunians then?

DesdemonasHandkerchief · 20/02/2017 19:44

Sounds like your friends are very easily offended, I've never heard the expression before, as people have pointed out probably insensitive and not PC in this day and age but hardly a hanging offence. I'm more offended by the constant hounding of people to reproduce when they perhaps can't or don't want to have children.

AppalachianWalzing · 20/02/2017 19:44

Also Irish - I wouldn't find it offensive unless something else in the tone was.

There is a bit of a difference between Irish people making a joke in Ireland and things out of context. I don't love the Irish twin thing but don't think it's inherently bigoted- but it's a bit like some of the 'we're mad us Irish with our drinking' stuff some people I know go on with when they're travelling - yes, historically Irish people had loads of kids close together. And there's nothing wrong with that, so it's not the worst thing to joke about. But some English people continue to make jokes about a very outdated view of ireland rooted in superiority, as though we're all alcoholic, contraceptive avoiding IRA members, and once you've been exposed to that, it can get your back up a bit.

I find 'throwing a paddy' a truly horrific phrase, and have been amazed at some of the things people have felt were ok to say in front of me - 'that's a bit Irish' to essentially mean 'that's a bit crap/broken', jokes about supporting terrorism, redheads, etc. So- your friends are being sensitive. I'd message back and say 'sorry my Irish friend said that to me and I didn't know there was anything wrong with it' (I'm sure many on this thread will be happy to be your hypothetical Irish friend!) But may be a phrase to retire in the future.

MadMags · 20/02/2017 19:47

Throwing a paddy is disgusting.

And I can't even comment on 'a bit irish' such is my rage about it.

It brings out all that ancestral hatred which is awkward since I married a Brit!

Original poster
pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 19:48

Thanks everyone! Very educational Wink it was meant in a lighthearted way, and I will apologise to my friends that I offended them. They're my friends - I don't want to offend them! Simple as that really. X

OP posts:
Redsrule · 20/02/2017 19:48

Oh dear the defence of bullies everywhere, 'banter', ''a joke', 'everyone else does not find it offensive'. Sorry but I don't find that acceptable. The fact other people use other races/ regions to be offensive about does not make it acceptable.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 20/02/2017 19:49

There was actually a long thread on this and "beyong the pale" on here not long ago, I must try find it

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:49

I have been thinking about this whole 'it's all in good fun' thing ,and the idea that Irish and Welsh (and Scots) folk might buy into it , maybe for 'banter (ugh) or whatever... but where are the sweeping stereotypes about the English as a whole 'race'? Nowhere that I know of*. because it's about superiority. People would argue minorities buy into it as a form of self protection or of pleasing colonial masters. Like the Indina jokes in It Ain't Half Hot Mum. etc

I loathe and detest that sheep shagging thing. We do it on Scotland too, aimed at people from Aberdeen, in order to prove they are all country bumpkins who lack sophistication.
*Happy to be disabused of this.

TescoCarrierBag · 20/02/2017 19:50

I think people asking when you are having a baby in a situations like you described offensive. How does anyone know if you are suffering from problems with fertility or not when they ask?

Coulibri · 20/02/2017 19:50

Good call, OP. Grin

jennyfromtheblock1975 · 20/02/2017 19:51

I can't believe nobody else has commented on how rude the friend was to single out OP for pressure to have kids. If you're not planning to have any (for a while, or ever) it's incredibly irritating to have people ask about it all the time. Not to mention the minefield of asking people when you don't know what troubles they might be having conceiving. I'd have thought that's more offensive than a faintly outdated joke that only seems to offend non-Irish people anyway...

bumbleymummy · 20/02/2017 19:51

Ilikebeans I didn't say it was Confused Many people don't realise what it refers to and it could be considered offensive by Irish people.

jennyfromtheblock1975 · 20/02/2017 19:52

Oops cross post with Tesco

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:52

That's very selective Jenny - plenty of Irish people have said they ARE offended!!

Lovewineandchocs · 20/02/2017 19:52

And OP said it ' as a joke' so she wasn't being affectionate or approving

I thought the joke was about them having another one soon, as they were in banter encouraging everyone else to procreate to provide a playmate for their baby-I didn't think the "Irish twins" part was sneering, just a turn of phrase.

I'm Irish and Catholic-I've heard it used loads and never been offended by it. Maybe I should start Grin

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:53

cabbage* did no one at all point out that 'beyond the pale ' is to do with fencing??

I must have missed this one as a phrase derivations geek....

Birdsgottaf1y · 20/02/2017 19:54

What about changing it to Muslim twins? They also often don't practice Birth control so have quick succession pregnancies.

Do you think as many people would say that the recipients are over sensitive then?

bumbleymummy · 20/02/2017 19:54

ILikeBeans - The Pale was the part of Ireland under English rule. 'Beyond the pale' was considered to be uncivilised territory.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:55

Just messaged my Irish friend (I'm aware how that could sound!!). She has never heard the phrase either!

Where is this phrase so widely used??

I grew up in Glasgow (full of Irish people) with a nan who said unfortunately racist stuff at any given moment, and now live in E England via Notts and Yorks and have never heard it...

MadMags · 20/02/2017 19:56

Beyond the Pale has nothing to do with fencing! Confused

heateallthebuns · 20/02/2017 19:58

I live in Ireland. Irish people say it here all the time about themselves and others. I hadn't actually heard it till I moved to Ireland. So sounds a bit over sensitive of your friends.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:58

Hmmmm... that's' not a 'beyond the pale' I know. It's used by Americans too. Must do further googling. If that is the case, then, yes, I don't like it!

I consider myself educated and am receptive to not saying stuff ever again where I learn they could cause offence - whether they be imperialist, racist, disablist, homophobic (oh my DH and his 'queers' grrrr)

I choose never to knowingly possibly offend Smile

mainlywingingit · 20/02/2017 20:00

Well I think it's quite offensive to put people on the spot about when they will have children. Pot - kettle - black

People are unbelievable sometimes.

Gwenhwyfar · 20/02/2017 20:01

"where are the sweeping stereotypes about the English as a whole 'race'? Nowhere that I know of*. because it's about superiority. "

Well, yes, the sweeping stereotype about the English is that they believe in their own superiority, are arrogant because they used to have a big empire, etc.

Then I suppose there are stereotypes that really are about the English upper class, but can be used internationally to mean anyone English - very polite, stiff upper lip, drinks tea at 4pm every day, etc.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 20/02/2017 20:01

It was intended as a joke. You obviously haven't realised, but I think a lot of people including myself would find it racist.
I probably would have just told a friend that I thought this and carried on as normal though, particularly if I didn't think that they understood how rude the phrase is. I think you should apologise though.
Irish racism is not the only acceptable form of racism.
I live in Scotland and have an english accent. I've had a few interesting things said as a result.