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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friends are being over-senstive?

999 replies

pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 18:51

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid Grin why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?! Confused

OP posts:
NataliaOsipova · 20/02/2017 19:31

It sounds a bit sneering to me, tbh

That's interesting- because when I've ever heard it used, I've always thought it sounds rather affectionate and was a nicer way of saying "These are not twins but are siblings who were born extremely close together". But I'm happy to accept it is offensive to some.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:31

Just read the definition given of Irish Kiss, upthread actually Devilish and that is NOT a Glasgow kiss! It sounds faintly xenophobic and misogynistic! (if one can be faintly either of those things...)

A Glasgow kiss is a proper full on head butt.

user1471433068 · 20/02/2017 19:32

I agree with Redsrule.

Living in London and experiencing casual racism against the Irish does make you feel sensitive to comments like this. Personally I don't understand why anyone would use a phrase attributed to one race as a joke as it's likely someone will be offended.

In the OPs case her friends did find her comment offensive so maybe she should just own that, apologise while explaining it was unintentional and not use the phrase again.

bumbleymummy · 20/02/2017 19:32

I'm Irish and don't find it offensive. I heard it a lot growing up. A friend from school has 2 children born within the same year and refers to them as Irish twins herself.

Redsrule · 20/02/2017 19:32

Well I am Irish and I don't like it. The fact people accept it is more indicative of how Irish people have been conditioned to accept racism in my opinion. But then I also have red hair and am offended by 'gingerism'!

HappyFlappy · 20/02/2017 19:33

A Glasgow kiss is a proper full on head butt

I was just about to post this Beans, and found you've beaten me to it! Grin

Better that tha a Glasgow smile, though . . .

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:33

I've just never heard it used Natalia !

It sounds though like 'sophisticated' people are laughing at a group of people too ignorant or oppressed to use contraception....

And OP said it ' as a joke' so she wasn't being affectionate or approving..

MadMags · 20/02/2017 19:33

I don't think non-Irish people should use it, tbf.

Get your own phrases! 😉

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:34

Oh yes, Glasgow Smile... shudder.

Am Glaswegian. Bit sad that I am proud , rather than offended??

OptimisticSix · 20/02/2017 19:34

I have used the term in the past until I read somewhere it is considered offensive. No I don't use it. Just apologise to your friends OP and it should be done and dusted.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/02/2017 19:36

Never heard of any of the phrases. They don't sound very nice to start accusing you. Perhaps pointing out that they think it isn't pc would have been the way forward. Playground behaviour to start picking on someone.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:36

Get your own phrases

Grin
NataliaOsipova · 20/02/2017 19:36

It sounds though like 'sophisticated' people are laughing at a group of people too ignorant or oppressed to use contraception....

Hadn't thought of it like that, but I can see where you are coming from, Beans.

Devilishpyjamas · 20/02/2017 19:37

Yes yes I though Glasgow kiss was a full on head butt.

Which means I had never heard or an Irish kiss.

bumbleymummy · 20/02/2017 19:37

'Beyond the pale' could be considered offensive too but it's used all over MN.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/02/2017 19:37

Never heard of a Glaswegian smile. As I suspected, same as a Chelsea smile.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:38

Is calling someone out for being racist 'picking on them' Mummy ? Really??

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:39

Not a Glaswegian smile: Glasgow Smile.... wish there was an emoticon for it.... Wink

Sara107 · 20/02/2017 19:40

I'm Irish and wouldn't be offended by this term at all. It is indeed a fact that contraception was not freely available in Ireland ( and not just way back in the 1950s) so it was harder to space your children and large families often containing close together ages were common. But I fail to see really how this is racist. Racism is 'othering' people based on something which is an intrinsic part of them, such as their colour. Not all Irish people are or were Catholics, so if anything the term Irish twins is 'catholicism'!!!

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:40

Beyond the pale derivation isn't about colour: at all.

Coulibri · 20/02/2017 19:40

I'm Irish. It's offensive. While I can't see why this isn't obvious, in your shoes I would apologise and explain it was unintentional, and in future be more inclined to to examine my own behaviour if someone challenges it, rather than seeing someone else as 'over sensitive', which is the classic bully's self-justification.

And when you've dealt with almost 20 years of 'the Irish are stupid, superstitious, feckless, drunken louts' 'jokes', then you get to decide that's 'over sensitive'.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:41

The paling fence is significant as the term 'pale' came to mean the area enclosed by such a fence and later just figuratively 'the area that is enclosed and safe'. So to be 'beyond the pale' was to be outside the area accepted as 'home'.

ThatsPlenty · 20/02/2017 19:41

I'm Irish. Not offended. I don't know any Irish people who would be offended by this. The people on this thread who are offended by this...Does it not get really tiring being so easily offended?

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 20/02/2017 19:43

Sara - obviously you are entitled to be offended or not, given you are Irish. But this is definitely othering . 'We have contraception because we are sophisticated. They do not. They are Other.'

measles64 · 20/02/2017 19:43

Married to a Welshman, the sheep jokes we hear from friends all over the world are tired, but not offensive, a sense of humour or gentle joshing is obviously not appreciated on here.