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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think friends are being over-senstive?

999 replies

pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 18:51

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid Grin why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?! Confused

OP posts:
AgathaMystery · 26/02/2017 18:25

Hmm wow. What a thread.

I'm a (white Irish) Irish twin (living in England) & I'm not offended by the term. Nor is my brother.

My dad is also an (Irish) Irish twin and laughed when I asked him if he was offended by it Hmm

I seriously didn't get the memo about it being offensive.

Mind you my white Irish grandma (producer of 2 sets of Irish twins) also collected Golliwogs.... sooooooo......

TinselTwins · 26/02/2017 18:25

while shutting down scrutiny.

Your post is a total invertion of what is actually happening on this thread
The scrutiny that is being shut down is the idea that people should consider the impact of their words on others - THAT is being shut down accusing this of = hating all english people

belu1 · 26/02/2017 18:26

sorry tinsel you've lost me there

Namechangenumber10 · 26/02/2017 18:27

Personally I think it's more offensive to make glib comments about other people's reproductive plans, but then I have spent the past year going through brutal miscarriages so perhaps I'm the one being oversensitive. I really do loathe that "when will it be you?" line though.

I hadn't heard the phrase before, but now you've mentioned it, DH and I would actually love to have "Irish Twins" and will be doing our best to make it happen! misses point of thread Grin

SugarLoveHeart · 26/02/2017 18:29

Totally agree with you, Name.

AgathaMystery · 26/02/2017 18:30

name changer I agree. I'm sorry about your babies and wish you luck in the future x

sonyaya · 26/02/2017 18:32

tinsel

I have RTFT but it is a long one - if you can show me where someone has said "you just hate all English people" in response to a "request that people consider the impact of their words on others", I will genuinely agree with you that that is pathetic and wrong. I haven't seen that. People should be able to say they would prefer certain terminology not to be used and explain why.

But I have seen your analogy of English people and white people in terms of their relative privilege in a given situation, and comments about colonialism etc

MarDhea · 26/02/2017 18:32

If I have Irish heritage why should I be a gobshite for saying 'taking the mick' because I happened to come out of a vagina on the other side of the sea?

IMO, it's all about context and audience, Stumbly.

You saying it within your Irish-heritage family or to friends who know your background is Irish = meh, it's not my thing but it's up to you.

You saying it around co-workers or any other people in the UK who have no idea of your Irish heritage = potentially problematic because it will (however inadvertently) perpetuate the unpleasantly common micro-aggressions of British people mocking Irish people.

You saying it around Irish people - quite problematic, because it could easily come across as a deliberate act of a British person mocking Irish people. In this context, your Irish heritage won't count for much because it's relatively distant (I think you said great-grandparent?). As someone who was born and raised in Ireland, I don't consider someone with Irish heritage a few generations back to be part of my "in-group" when it comes to self-mockery about Irish culture. Some Irish people won't mind, but others will, so it's safer to avoid.

belu1 · 26/02/2017 18:33

Hope things go your way very soon name changer 💐

OMGyoumustbekidding · 26/02/2017 18:34

I have heard someone try to argue it... on the Internet.

They said, why didn't they just introduce more black dolls, but with posite character traits so it outweighed the negative traits of the character golliwog, so there would be a mix of black dolls with different personalities.

I do not agree with it though. I didn't much like the very very over the top stereotyping or the name of it and I don't think it can be counterbalanced

Namechangenumber10 · 26/02/2017 18:35

Thanks Sugar and Agatha xx StarFlowers

MarDhea · 26/02/2017 18:35

So MarHdea you are calling me a racist?

No, belu I don't recall seeing anything racist in your posts. Did I miss something? Shock

Willyoujustbequiet · 26/02/2017 18:36

As far as I know Michael is as common a name in England as in Ireland and taking the Mickey is cockney rhyming slang.

We will keep using it in my family as its preferable to saying piss Hmm

Namechangenumber10 · 26/02/2017 18:46

Thank you belu1 Smile

Sugarlumps333 · 26/02/2017 18:49

Rude. YABU. What is meant to be funny about what you said? It is a joke about Irish people. And that is ok because?...... Answer: it is not ok.

MarDhea · 26/02/2017 18:57

I think posters accusing me and others of having colonial attitudes, patronising, attitudes, racist attitudes, says more about the accusers than the accused

belu who did this? I can't find it.

I did see you asking me if I was calling you a racist (nope, don't know where you got that from) but no posts actually doing so.

sonyaya · 26/02/2017 19:03

mardhea

I don't mean to speak for belu but she may mean this:

I think it's daft (and more than a little racist) to have sweeping likes and dislikes about races or nations, belu.

Though I can see you may have meant you don't have a view on "the English" because it would be racist rather than meaning belu was racist for asking if you liked the English.

Cork responded saying it was "colonial" which was a really cheap shot, and I assume that's where that comes from.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 26/02/2017 19:05

I was personally attacked by a poster for apparently being someone who wouldn't give a shit about the impact of brexit on ireland, my generally positive view of ireland has been called a colonial attitude. Plus several other comments...

Which way did I vote?

OMGyoumustbekidding · 26/02/2017 19:06

In your view?

MarDhea · 26/02/2017 19:08

Though I can see you may have meant you don't have a view on "the English" because it would be racist rather than meaning belu was racist for asking if you liked the English.

Yep, that's exactly what I meant. It would be racist to hold such a sweeping view, but it's certainly not racist to ask if someone holds that view(!)

I thought it was a deliberately leading question tbh.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 26/02/2017 19:09

I'm sorry if you find it racist for me to be positive about Ireland. There is no point denying it though.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 26/02/2017 19:10

I like people and I realise now that it is a really shitty attitude.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 26/02/2017 19:12

It is bollocks to claim you have a completely blank view of somewhere. So I am not going to claim I do as it is wankerish.

belu1 · 26/02/2017 19:16

Thanks sonyays that indeed what I meant and it wasn't a leading question at all Mahdea, in fact I don't see how it could be

OMGyoumustbekidding · 26/02/2017 19:20

I can only base my opinions of ireland on people I know and have met. They are all nice.