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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think friends are being over-senstive?

999 replies

pomadas87 · 20/02/2017 18:51

A friend (who lives abroad) messaged me and a couple of our good mutual friends - he shared happy news of his new baby and some pics. Everyone v excited and wished him congratulations!

He then said "so who's next to have a baby - she needs a playmate!" ... me and DH are newly married and are getting the question quite a lot...! Other friend said "I'm looking at you guys" (meaning me and DH)...

I then said "not for a while I'm afraid Grin why don't you have another one straightaway and you'll have Irish Twins - instant playmate!"

Meant it in a joking way and then they all called me a racist, xenophobe etc.... I didn't realise it was offensive and now I'm feeling shitty! Did they overreact to my (stupid) joke or am I just an idiot?! Confused

OP posts:
OMGyoumustbekidding · 26/02/2017 17:47

I think you can probably see that it would be unreasonable to point the finger at specific mumsnetters and produce some sort of "list" If you read back it will be fairly obvious.

I've known a lot of Irish people. The ones I met I have liked. I generally find it difficult to imagine horrible irish people. Of course I know shitty ones exist, but have not met any, so generally would start from somewhere fairly positive when thinking of irish people, things and places. That is wierd, but I'm not letting you change that I'm afraid as I haven't met you.

My comments have often been an attempt to challenge those views which I feel stem from hatred in the hope that it will provide food for thought.

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 26/02/2017 17:48

Who likes anyone, as race? Not that English is a race, anyway. Grouping all people in a race or nationality together and saying you like them all or not is just weird. Sort of....colonial behaviour.

StumblyMonkey · 26/02/2017 17:49

I haven't actually ever used the phrase Irish Twins as I'd never heard it before this thread.

But I do use 'taking the mick' a lot, usually in the Irish sense, sometimes in the English sense (as per previous poster's explanation of the difference).

My point is....as an English person with Irish heritage I have as much right to use that phrase as anyone born in Ireland. It's a phrase used by the family, in the same way we affectionately call each other 'gypo' which is part of our heritage of originally being Irish travellers/gypsies (I realise it sounds odd to outsiders that we'd refer to each other like that but it's a family quirk).

I use the phrase as one that came from my Irish side (via my DGF who was even called Mick).

If I have Irish heritage why should I be a gobshite for saying 'taking the mick' because I happened to come out of a vagina on the other side of the sea?

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 26/02/2017 17:50

My comments have often been an attempt to challenge those views which I feel stem from hatred in the hope that it will provide food for thought

Your comments have been to claim usage of terms that upset others, to claim the right to call countries what you prefer instead of what they are called, and to call Irish people "victims" who are now "bullies" as well as xenophobic.
So a little rich to say that you are on the other side of hatred.

StumblyMonkey · 26/02/2017 17:51

Onlyboy...in your earlier posts you've referred to English people as one homogenous mass so how can you pick that argument now? Hmm

belu1 · 26/02/2017 17:53

Maybe what marks the English out is their tolerance and welcoming of other races, groups or people. No wonder people from other countries like to settle in England

TinselTwins · 26/02/2017 17:53

I do not blame all Irish people for the IRA

I do not expect all Irish people to blame all english people for the ruling classes of england, who were not that great for English people either.

There have been actions within England by the IRA. Very serious ones too, but unless you are a total TWAT you would not blame all irish people for those actions

As has already been explained to you at length the two are not even slightly comparabe because:

  1. discrimination against Irish people was not just perpetuated by a small group of ruling classes, it was socially acceptable throughout England for landlords, employers, shops etc to say "no Irish/Paddys/Micks". The reverse has never been true. Ever.
  2. The IRA terrorised more Irish people than English people, just like the Mafia hurt more people from their own communities, and ISIS kills more muslims than westerners. Your arguement simply does not work, not even a little bit
OMGyoumustbekidding · 26/02/2017 17:54

Yes and in a very negative way.

MarDhea · 26/02/2017 17:57

I think it's daft (and more than a little racist) to have sweeping likes and dislikes about races or nations, belu.

Having lived in different bits of the UK over a number of years, I can categorically say that I have found some English people to be lovely, some twattish, and some in between. Pretty much the same as any other country.

Some English folk in the twattish category are there because of the anti-Irish, jingoistic sentiments they have expressed in my presence. Conversely, some Irish folk are in the twattish category because of the anti-English, RA-head sentiments they have expressed in my presence. I'm equal-opportunities intolerant of racist twattishness.

ElvishArchdruid · 26/02/2017 17:59

Is this still going on?

belu1 · 26/02/2017 17:59

So MarHdea you are calling me a racist?

StumblyMonkey · 26/02/2017 18:00

And as an English person I have to agree with that. I'd love to think we were all tolerant and lovely people but...well...Brexit, Nigel Farage and the existence of the BNP suggest not!

More's the pity...

TinselTwins · 26/02/2017 18:03

"oh but I LOVE Irish people"
really? cause I don't? there are lots of Irish people who I do love, but we're as much as spectrum as anyone else and there are plenty of ass-hats!

Its smacks of patronising ideas that Irish are twee little amusing people..
And excpecting us to be thrilled at your jokes at our expense

Do you love all English people? do you love every English person you've met?

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 26/02/2017 18:04

Onlyboy...in your earlier posts you've referred to English people as one homogenous mass so how can you pick that argument now

I don't believe I did.

TinselTwins · 26/02/2017 18:06

What we're seeing on this thread is the same mentality as when white people argue that they should be allowed to display golliwogs:

Oh but we didn't have them to be mean, I LOVED my golliwog and I think black babies are cute, and I know a black person who had one too so it's I don't see why I shouldn't have one just because it upsets some people, how mean of them to judge me for doing something that I've been made aware upset people in a way that I can never unerstand because of my privilidge

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 26/02/2017 18:07

Yep.

belu1 · 26/02/2017 18:13

I think posters accusing me and others of having colonial attitudes, patronising, attitudes, racist attitudes, says more about the accusers than the accused

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 26/02/2017 18:15

I'm sure you would think that.

sonyaya · 26/02/2017 18:17

What we're seeing on this thread is the same mentality as when white people argue that they should be allowed to display golliwogs:

Hmm

Then again, I have never, ever heard a white person argue they should be allowed to display a golliwog

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 26/02/2017 18:20

Then again, I have never, ever heard a white person argue they should be allowed to display a golliwog

Just do a search on MN, there are LOADS!

sonyaya · 26/02/2017 18:21

belu

You're right - it's this pernicious idea that if someone can claim they have innate characteristics which are less privileged than someone else's innate characteristics, then they have carte blanche to be as stereotypical and unpleasant to that person as they want. Anyone who challenges this is told to "check their privilege" or some other such phrase which attempts to invalidate the other person's opinion (again, usually because of an innate characteristic) while shutting down scrutiny.

OMGyoumustbekidding · 26/02/2017 18:22

Perhaps I have a problem with positive sterotyping everybody to be fair.

I have tried to think through...

Welsh people....awesome
English people.....awesome
Irish people..... awesome
Scottish people..... awesome

Yep I think most people are awesome unless I meet an arsehole..... then I think of each place like a whole country of awesome people with one arsehole etc.

TinselTwins · 26/02/2017 18:23

Acknowldging a history and collective hurt of a people does not = hating all English people. You accuse people who discuss reasons why some things are a sensitive subject of being hateful because what? if you listened you may need to change one word or phrase in your vocabulary? How awful for you!

Your posts are much more hateful than anyone elses. It is hateful to take the side of the opinion that English people's feelings about the inconvenience of being asked to be considerate about their language trumps the feelings of the people who these phrases are actually about!

Willyoujustbequiet · 26/02/2017 18:23

Taking the mickey offensive to some?

For the love of God some people really need to get a bloody grip.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 26/02/2017 18:24

Re 'Weegie' - I hadn't heard of that term at all until I met some, and it is how they describe themselves, so it's what I use to describe them too. A friend (from London, no Glesga connection at all) told me off for using it once, but the guys I know would laugh if I started calling them Glaswegians.