To think its none of DH's business what time i go to bed?

[CherrySkull]

I have a particular hobby that can keep me up and online until late in the night as the people I do it with live mostly in the USA, so quite often the action doesn't start until 11pm and will go on through our Night.

I usually bail between 1 and 2am, but with it being Half Term and me not having to get up until i'm ready (the kids wake me to get breakfast then I go back to bed and leave them play) I stayed up until 4.30 the other night as there were a lot of us online and we were doing a group action.

DS is autistic and has taken to wandering around 1-2am so there is little point in me going to bed before then, I wait until he's resettled then I go to bed.

When I was up til 4.30, DH kept getting up to go pee and then he'd go "Come on its XXX, you need to get to bed" like some talking clock.

AIBU to tell him to piss off? I'm 35 years old, i'm a big girl, if I want to stay up until 4.30am, knowing I have to get up with the kids in the morning, surely that's my problem?

TBH, he's a bloody hypocrite, I forget the amount of times he's sat up til gone 5am pissing about on his playstation, the only time I ever got up to tell him to go to bed was when I knew he'd got work the next day, and all i'd say was 'keep an eye on the time, you have to be up at X" and then leave him to it!

Thyme, they would label it chaotic and neglectful.

I wonder if DS is up and about because he's been put to bed at 7.30 so at 1-2am he's already had quite a lot of rest by that point. Also perhaps he goes for a wander at 1-2 because he's aware that mum is still up and available and that's just the way of things now.

Deblet, we do that when the kids go to bed at 7.30. smile
We always spend a couple of hours together with no distractions to have a cuddle in our bedroom and reconnect. Dh will either then go to sleep and i'll come back downstairs, or he'll come down with me and switch his PS4 to play for a bit, then goes to bed about midnight, I follow up at 2.

DH doesn't 'mind' me staying up until 2am, its part of what I have to do because of DS, I haven't gone to bed earlier than that in years.

Why is everybody ignoring these posts?
OP and her oh are happy with how they spend their evenings.

As I said going to bed then getting up again would be the worst thing for me, staying up would not be a problem. If this has worked for them every day for 10 years then thats it, that is not why OP posted. Why are people fixating on the staying up as normal part and not the dh commenting on her staying up later once part?

Any other thread it would have been 'how dare he' 'he isnt your parent' 'you are entitled to some time to yourself once in a while' but because she was on a computer... oh the horror its the crime of the century!

7.30 bedtime is early, but its because of how badly DS sleeps.

We medicate him to sleep (melatonin) and he gets about 5-6 hours solid sleep, then is awake any time between 12.30 and 2am, has to be resettled, goes back to sleep and is awake again around 4.30... so he's only getting 7-8hours on a good night.

DD goes to bed then because she's also an early riser as DS wakes her up!

I used to try and go to bed earlier, but to be honest, I find it easier sitting up and maybe dozing on the sofa and going to bed after I've resettled DS, than going to bed, sleeping deeply and being woken up, as then I CANT get back to sleep... that way I was getting maybe 2-3hrs sleep, rather than 4-5.

DH's job is hard physical work in extreme temperatures (handling molten metal) so I prefer him to sleep, as injuries in his job mean 3rd degree burns!

"DH's job is hard physical work in extreme temperatures (handling molten metal) so I prefer him to sleep, as injuries in his job mean 3rd degree burns!"

Well perhaps he is pissed off at being disturbed when you finally come to bed then. Suggest separate rooms.

AIBU? No of course not dear, as that is the only answer you want to hear

OP has repeatedly explained why she is up at 2 am.

Yes, but has been known to stay up a couple of hours after even when he's long settled back down.
I don't have any agenda.
As I said, it's making me look at my own habits (anyone can see I'm sometimes on here waaaayy past midnight )
The truth's hard to hear, reading all these replies is certainly making me think about myself.
Why post on a forum asking for opinions on whether you're being unreasonable and then being all "no, I'm not!" when you get answers you don't like?! Why bleddy ask in the first place then?!
Anyway, it's the wrong place to ask. As half the people on here are probably screen addicted themselves including me

myoriginal
You are bonkers!

Well you had better call them for me as I was up all night recently as I had that bloody cough going around, didnt go back to bed till 5 and was up at 6.30...I am sure I must have been totaly incompetent for the rest of the day..not.
The other night I didnt fall asleep till 3.30, just one of those nights I had too much on my mind....still managed to function the rest of the day.

You had better call SS now.

Can you PLEASE explain why they would be chaotic and neglectful? One freaking late night? One hours sleep while kids amused themselves?

Are you on glue?

She hasn't asked for parenting advice. Back off a little bit. I get why he would be questioning it, I would do the same.. plus I am super clingy and would want my partner to come to bed. However! You are a grown adult and it's up to you whatever you choose to do with your free time.

Wow...just wow. Exactly what Willow has been saying. I can survive on 4 hours sleep, have done for 20 odd years, since I started doing the job I do now (nights). I'm still up with the kids in the morning. Christ OP, first ur DP and now the whole of MN. You do exactly what works for you, everyone else should get off their moral high grounds

My dp used to sometimes ay computer games til stupid of clock.

He'd claim he was OK except he would fall asleep on the sofa in the day. He'd yell at the screen and that woke me up . the light downstairs also disturbed me.

He'd never hear the kids as he had head phones so that defense was out the window.

And of course who picked up the slack with the house and kids as he slept on the sofa?

I've seen him fall asleep on the chair for heavens sake. Screen and headphones still on.

I think it's pretty worrying behaviour whatever the gender and family status of someone. Different I guess if you work night/shifts

But I don't think anyone is truly ok on so little sleep. It catches up eventually

and now the whole of MN.

Er, well yes because she posted about it and people gave their opinion.

Maybe if there were less screens involved in all of your normal activities (The ones I've noticed are minecraft, PS4, Disney junior and your online hobby, which I don't really understand), then quality of sleep may improve for everyone. It's well known how excessive screen use, particularly in the evening, disrupts sleep rhythms. You sound like you have adjusted to 4 hours sleep a night, but long term sleep deprivation (which is what you're experiencing) carries many health risks. I can manage on rubbish sleep too, having had two consecutive years of dreadful quality sleep due to a refluxy baby, but I feel much better when I get more sleep - just because you can manage on 4 doesn't mean that you shouldn't aim for more. I don't think your DH is being U remarking on the 4:30am bed time - it's odd.

If DH had posted:
DW has a hard physical work job in extreme temperatures (handling molten metal) and injuries in her job mean 3rd degree burns!
I'm regularly coming to bed at 2am, as I like to stay up with online friends.
I stay at home looking after my kids. Today I actually stayed up until 4.30am doing it - kids had to wake me up to get their breakfast and then I took myself back off to bed for a bit afterwards.
AIBU?
Would the answers have really been the same as the ones saying "you're a grown up. Do what you like?"
Just wondering.

My daughter has significant sleep issues and has a very similar pattern to your son. I go to bed at a decent time and get some sleep before the first wake up.
I also Would not leave her up playing without supervision anything could happen and I would be concerned for her safety ..however I work full time and need every bit of sleep I can get.

I would not like my partner to stay up until late, I like us to go to bed together and spend what time we can together - awake or asleep and I know he thinks the same.

How old are your children?

Fs man the op is a grown woman if she wants to sit up all night then that's up to her y is everyone so About it , I'd feel like a child if my partner tried to tell me to go to bed , the kids are old enuf to entertain them selfs for an hour op clearly knows her own children and if it wud b safe to do so !
I'd say crack on and enjoy ur hobby and ignore all the perfect parents on here lol

You are not being unreasonable, OP.

I think there's a fair amount of hypocrisy in some of the replies you've gotten.

You're a carer. You find it easier to stay up until 1 or 2 am most nights because your special needs son will wake up and need to be resettled in that time frame, and you usually go to bed once you've resettled him. That works for you and your family.

Staying up extra late once during the half term week should not have been commented on by your DH in a lecture-type way. You'll still be up and taking on the carer role, same as always. You know it; he knows it; he shouldn't have said anything.

I don't disturb him, any more than he disturbs me when he stays up late.

The only reason he was nagging was because he got up to pee, and noticed I was still up!

He was snoring like an engine when I went to bed.

As your dh was clearly disturbed by the change of routine, perhaps next time it would be better to plan any exceptionally late nights so he knows not to wait for you. And sleep on the sofa/spare room. I go to bed early and am an early riser. Your not coming to bed would prevent me from sleeping as I'd be wondering when you were coming and hoping you wouldn't come too late, wake me and prevent me from going back to sleep. And those concerns could well prevent me from sleeping.

Not unreasonable as a one off. I think you just need to be aware of how your bedtime affects others.

If the husband came on here and moaned that his wife stayed up till 4.30 as a one-off on half term, wouldn't a lot of people be defending her right to do this, and telling him he was very controlling!

I do think occasionally even a parent is allowed to act like a teenager.

So who looks after her autistic son whilst she is sleeping?

On another thread on here an autistic child hit another car with a car door and everyone was saying how the child didn't know what he was doing due to autism and he had no awareness due to autism .... but on this thread it's perfectly fine to leave an autistic child playing without adult supervision whilst mum goes back to bed as she has been playing on the computer til the early hours??

"medicate him to sleep (melatonin) and he gets about 5-6 hours solid sleep, then is awake any time between 12.30 and 2am, has to be resettled, goes back to sleep and is awake again around 4.30... so he's only getting 7-8hours on a good night"

As a parent of a child with autism and sleep issues and melatonin, why give at 7.30 only to wake again at 1am. Couldn't you give later, to try and get a better sleeping pattern?

We tested that when we got the melatonin, I tried pushing his bedtime back, he was still waking at 1am, but his meltdowns got worse as he was so tired and he was struggling to cope at school, so I had to pull it back forward. I will try again at some point, but right now, this suits him best.

Which kind of melatonin does he have?