To think its none of DH's business what time i go to bed?

[CherrySkull]

I have a particular hobby that can keep me up and online until late in the night as the people I do it with live mostly in the USA, so quite often the action doesn't start until 11pm and will go on through our Night.

I usually bail between 1 and 2am, but with it being Half Term and me not having to get up until i'm ready (the kids wake me to get breakfast then I go back to bed and leave them play) I stayed up until 4.30 the other night as there were a lot of us online and we were doing a group action.

DS is autistic and has taken to wandering around 1-2am so there is little point in me going to bed before then, I wait until he's resettled then I go to bed.

When I was up til 4.30, DH kept getting up to go pee and then he'd go "Come on its XXX, you need to get to bed" like some talking clock.

AIBU to tell him to piss off? I'm 35 years old, i'm a big girl, if I want to stay up until 4.30am, knowing I have to get up with the kids in the morning, surely that's my problem?

TBH, he's a bloody hypocrite, I forget the amount of times he's sat up til gone 5am pissing about on his playstation, the only time I ever got up to tell him to go to bed was when I knew he'd got work the next day, and all i'd say was 'keep an eye on the time, you have to be up at X" and then leave him to it!

LesisMiserable

Well your ideas are from that era

The only Sleeping Beauty in this tale is the DH, as it appears he doesn't have to get up for his son at 2am.

To be fair foodtime everything on here lately is a competition in smuggery and who's the best mummywummy.

I notice in all this angst about her son not one person has asked if her DH ever stays up till 2am to be there for him?

There are so many other threads where the dh has gone out on the piss and stayed up all night and the op has been harranged for not being good enough to allow this as he 'needs his own time out' 'needs his down time' etc etc etc. But op stays up late in HER OWN HOUSE and she gets her parenting skills ripped to shreds, is accused of not caring for her kids and told her marraige is in crisis!

Such misogynistic and hypocritical bull, I despair.

11 & 9 and you put them to bed at 7.30 this thread just gets weirder

Willow Yes, I did read the part where the OP explained about her DS night-time waking. Thanks for checking.

This doesn't preclude the OP from going to bed at a normal time (say, 10pmish) like many of us do. What she actually said was that she chooses to stay up late most nights to do her hobby, and then sees little point going to bed at 1pm only to be woken a few minutes later by her son, so feels it makes sense to stay up even later until after her son has woken and been re-settled.

This doesn't mean she has to stay up late every night. She chooses to. She even clearly says this in the OP. That's absolutely fine if that's genuinely working for her and the family; I just expressed concern that perhaps it isn't.

11 & 9 and you put them to bed at 7.30

So your eldest will on a few months be going to secondary school (if they aren't aleady) and they go to bed at 7.30

I'm a bit torn op (partly because you're getting a kicking that I think is only partly fair)

I agree that your dh needs to not nag....I am also of the belief that if I'm an adult I expect my partner to within reason allow me to make my own decisigns ( excepting where my decisions impact our children) ,

However you say this is a one off .....if that's really true then yanbu and he needed to lay off (or possibly take the mick when you yawned)

But I do admit I struggle with the fact you went back to bed but in fairness that's my choice not to (and granted not am option for me as mine are 4 and 1) it just does seem anti family

I'm also not overly convinced this as one off as you say , if it's happened before maybe he got frustrated

I'm a runner and for the last few months the only time I could go out for a run was 11.30 / 12 at night .....that was when kids were in bed and x dh was settled on the sofa and all was quiet....that was fine but as ds2 wenter back to waking at night he would wake about 1.30 / 2 , so I would run be in bed for an hour , get up to ds2 then go back to sleep 3.30 ish and be up at 6....yeah a few months of that things weren't great I was exhausted and although running was my sanity saviour (I'm pro hobby anything if it saves your sanity and doesn't involve illegal drugs crack on ) ....but something had to give so I dialled back on the running

I would just suggest perhaps your dh is frustrated if it is a more common occurrence and even if it's earlier like 1 or 2 if it's having an impact

SaUig that he should talk to you about it properly rather than nag and be a bit passover aggressive

Cherryskull - I'm with you. Usually go to bed around 2am and up about half six-ish throughout the week. If I get the chance to lie in at the weekend I rarely sleep past about 8. Not needing much sleep is not that abnormal.
In my household, if I'd needed to make up a bit of extra sleep I'd probably have snoozed on the sofa (can't remember that actually ever happening except when ill) but it sounds like you were closer to your dc being in your bedroom so no problem at all.
Just stick with what works for you and discuss with your dh what his problem is if necesssary.

I dont go to bed before 1am most nights, I dont see a problem with that at all. If it suits op then its nobody else on MN business to tell her she should go earlier.

She spends time with her dh in the evenings then spends some 'me' time after that. It works for them so nobody else has the right to tell her its wrong.

I couldnt go to bed at 10 then get up at 1 or 2 I would be wrecked. I would rather stay up.

Op, I would be livid if my partner tried to parent me. You are an adult woman capable of deciding on your own bedtime. I also assume you and partner are capable of sleeping on your own. How ridiculous for people to make assumptions about you.

7:30 seems quite an early bedtime?
My ds (4) also autistic (although can't compare as the spectrum is so wide) wakes at 2am for the day so stays up later and sleeps until 4am.
I understand the couple of days he needs to chill.
I can see both sides to this, mainly because I find myself nagging dp when he's up late on the ps4 as I know it'll impact the next day.
But some nights I don't get much sleep due to illness/DC etc so we take it in turns with late night/lie in where possible.

I notice in all this angst about her son not one person has asked if her DH ever stays up till 2am to be there for him?

Depressingly, my mind already came up for excuses to that (perhaps DH works out of home or DS won't settle without OP). Hopefully DH takes over on his days off.

Chloe84
Yep but considering all the fuss on other threads to 'dump the kids on him'
'make him get up with kids', 'let him do night feeds at weekends' etc the same stuff on here is conspicuous by its absence.

Its just a 'bash the op' thread by the perfect parents brigade.

And still nobody can explain why its ok for a man to stay up late once in a while and not a woman...

I don't see why there's a big discussion here tbh.

So long as it's not affecting your relationship with him or the kids or your ability to take care of the kids, then you should be able to go to bed or stay awake whenever you please without being told off like a child.

'me time' one of the frequent nauseating terms often seen on here.

Of course she's not going to take any notice of what internet strangers say but if an OP doesn't want to hear opinions don't put the domestic dispute up on bloody Mumsnet.

It works for them so nobody else has the right to tell her its wrong.

Is it though. You could say DH doesn't think it is.

Its just a 'bash the op' thread by the perfect parents brigade.

Load of bollocks Willow.

Willow I completely agree.

It's wilful ignorance of OP's posts rather than a misunderstanding.

Jeez! She only stayed up until 4:30 once during half term.. I think a lot of people here are making a massive deal out of this!

It's not a one off though, is it? The 4.30am may be, but it's a regular 2am bedtime and online.
I think the reason the OP is coming across as so defensive is because they're being told yes, YABU and it's hard to hear truths.
I know this thread's making me think about my own habits - I've a habit of staying up until 1am sometimes 2am on the laptop (and then wonder why I feel so stupidly tired and crap the next day )
It's a hard habit to break. Needs doing though if it's starting to impact on family life, and you're also having to go back to bed as you're too tired.
I might even turn the computer off tonight and do some baking or one of my colouring books instead! As it's only when I'm on the computer that I can get engrossed and stay up until stupid O clock.
Doing other stuff is much more natural and frees up so much time that the evening seems endless!

Ask yourself these things? In doing x activity, is it impeding on my ability to support my family? Do my actions mean that more is required of my partner? Does it affect my health? If the answer is yes to any of those, then YABU, I'm afraid.

I think you pass the above test OP. It didn't affect your ability to support your family, you got their breakfast and were still up by 9. An hours snooze next door at a time you know they just want to play alone is no issue in my book. Are all these other people saying they have never ever had a nap when their kids are occupied elsewhere? The kids are 9 and 11, not helpless toddlers. If the OP was needed I'm sure the 9 year old could have woken her had she not already woken. Most of us have mastered the art of napping with one ear open by the time our kids are this old.

Your partner didn't have to do anything extra.

Health wise if anything it will have benefited you as a one off as taking some time for yourself is good for you.

So YANBU in my book. If you were doing it every night it would be stupid as you would totally screw up an already scarce sleep pattern but a one off I think you are fine.

OP has repeatedly explained why she is up at 2 am. There's no "hard truths" anywhere, just people who seem to struggle to take in the actual facts rather than making things up to suit their own agenda.

"Of course she's not going to take any notice of what internet strangers say but if an OP doesn't want to hear opinions don't put the domestic dispute up on bloody Mumsnet"

This.

It would get child services involvement where I'm from.

It's not a one off though, is it? The 4.30am may be, but it's a regular 2am bedtime and online.

You are forgetting that the OP HAS to deal with a child at 1/2am pretty much every single day. It depends how you function. Personally I would do better staying up until 1/2 dealing with the regular wake up of a child then going to bed rather than going to bed at say 11/12 then being forced awake an hour later trying to deal with the child whilst still half asleep then waking up fully just in time to not get back to sleep again.

Child services must be very very short of things to do where you are then.