To travel somewhere alone, sans husband and children?

[4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy]

Husband thinks I have lost the plot but that's nothing new. Anyway.

I have a particular reason for wanting to go to this part of the world, it's really important to me for all sorts of reasons but one very personal and pertinent one. Hence why I really don't want to go with two pre-schoolers crying and whining and demanding.

Since we have no one else to have them (and I wouldn't ask anyway) I still want to go. I have looked at flights on EasyJet and would go for four days in June. I've suggested husband takes some leave and I go. I regularly do this when husband does a long day: in theory it's a twelve hour shift, in practice it's more like thirteen plus travel time.

Husband is Not Happy.

AIBU to say tough, I need to do this, and book a temporary nanny to help him? Or have I lost the plot as he claims?

Of course go. Both me and my partner did this. I went away for a week when my dd was sixth months old, to visit friends and recharge my batteries. Perfectly normal. Unless there's some usually high needs for the children, he shouldn't need help.

Go for it. My husband and I go away for a long weekend without the other quite often. I thought it was quite normal...
He will be fine with the kids. Is he upset because he will have to take leave out of his own holidays?

littlefrog3

"Sans" means "without". A sans serif font is a font without serifs.

GreyStars is right. I agree entirely with the line of thought.

He's an arse under the circumstances, pretending to be worried about what other people think (what people? is he married/committed to them? no) rather than wanting his partner in life to be at peace.

He can manage the children for 4 days. He can give his life partner some time to grieve/heal/come to terms with what has happened, as she is clearly still struggling. He doesn't want to. How telling is that about his priorities...

Sad for you, OP.

Do it!

Go!

Do it for you, do it for me! Please go!

DH goes away skiing annually without me or the kids and always says, I could do the Same, though in practice I can't as he would need another weeks holiday to look after our kids as I work term time so could only go away in the school hols (when I have no childcare/ school)
I do weekends away with friends but it's hardly the same as a week of freedom fun and garanteed sleep.

I digress
Go enjoy it
For as soon as I get the chance I'll be doing the same!!

Beware the "you must always be part of the family unit" man. Known of 2. Both ended up divorced and rightly hammered by the court and one of then by social services for emotional abuse.
Guilt and emotional blackmail to 'gaslight' the wife into thinking that her existence as more than a drone for his hive was selfish.

In both cases the woman had lived thinking he was demanding but normal and she was selfish until a GP advised her he thought she was being abused when she went for mental health support. It's so sly they did not even realise.

Time without partner and kids is important. If the environment at home seems to be trying to convince you that's weird then home is weird not you.

Also water I'm a natural term breastfeeder and baby wearer. I still go away for weekends. I made myself do it, precisely so DH and DD could learn to cope. He calls them pump and dump weekends... I pump and come back to a dump (tbf we both share the housework so I don't clean excessively as a result).

I think YABU,

Why would you want to do something that is clearly special to you without the most special people in your life. If you don't want to take your kids at the age they are wait until they are older, I am sure they would love to be included.
It is very unfair that you tell your husband he should use his annual holiday days to look after the kids while you go off on your own.

Ask him for names. Names of people who will think it's weird.
Unless his feeling cornered would put you in the firing line. He will feel cornered because I can bet he has no names to list.

Is he jealous? Mine would go a bit paranoid that I was gonna go and have it off with someone tho he has no reason to think that. He has gone away without children for around 3 weeks in total over 3/4 trips. I'm over due a sans kids holiday. I know he'll kick off but it's not unreasonable. It's good for your mental health & if he was being cool it would strengthen your relationship long term. He's missing the point & missing an opportunity to make u stronger together. The kids will grow up & if he carries on like that you may get right peed off & not want him anymore.

Field10 people like you are why my 2 abused friends didn't realise they were I abusive relationships.
Taking young children on a mourning trip to the site of a death from before they were born is, firstly, inappropriate in safeguarding terms.
The assumption that being in the "mother" role at all times is the only way to be morally acceptable and/or love your family is beyond damaged and childish. Unfortunately lots of people dumb down thier emotions to a Facebook meme level and end up confusing spousal jealousy and inability to differentiate avoidable situations young kids can/can't handle with being "close" and "loving". Actually parents who can step back and understand these things are often closer, safer and healthier. Ones who are proud of the fact they can't/won't are usually in an unhealthy parental relationship or using their kids as an emotional teddy bear to hug when they cry, rather than protecting them.

I've worked with many teens who are the product of the latter and it ain't pretty. "My mum's my best friend" should mean shopping trips etc, not going through everythibg with mum cause she can't cope/isn't allowed to be alone.

Definitely not mad, if you can afford it. I've been doing solo trips for a few years now, with husband's blessing. It's time to recharge and see a new place or get to know more about an old place. I am away just now. About a year since the last solo trip.

field10 Did you read all the OP's posts? She wants to go to try to process the death of a loved one in the place that they died; which isn't the kind of activity that her children would 'love' to be included in, even if it would be possible/appropriate to do it with toddlers in tow or wait a decade.

Oh of course you should go. It's important to you. And no-one gets to decide how you cope with a bereavement - if you think going there will help you, then he should be supporting you in that. Please go.

You'd think that he'd jump at the chance of four days with his kids.

In fact the more I think about it the crosser I get. Does he always lack empathy?

And it's only 4 days. I went for 3 weeks in 2015.

YANBU
But worth seeing if there is anything you can do/say in the meantime to help DH feel supported with his solo childcare challenge

We all have needs, we all need private down time. It doesn't mean we don't love our partners or our children nor does it mean we are going to jump in to bed with AN Other.
My DH spends time away due to work and sometimes because of sport or he wants to nip down and see his mum on his own for a day or two. I also travel for work etc in fact I've just been invited by DSis to go to Spain for a short break in April. I wasn't sure this would be fair or reasonable so hesitated, DH said 'book a flight and go, DC and I will be fine'.

Book the flights and do what you need to do, he will survive.

If you lived with someone supportive who encouraged you it might be easier for you to have got over traumatic past events such as this relatives death. But you live with a total arse so you should do whatever you have to do to get some peace back BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE IN YOUR MARRIAGE IS GOING TO HELP YOU. go on the trip!

YANBU. Totally normal. Being part of a couple doesn't mean you're not a person yourself anymore. If it's the annual leave he doesn't want to give up is there a grandparent/sibling who could help during the day so he can still work?

I had a dream about this last night. But mine was 2 weeks in the Maldives. Just me, a book and a few cocktails. And face time twice a day 👌
I'll carry on dreaming 😂

You'd be nuts to book him a nanny!! Does he book you a nanny when he's working a long day?!?xx

field10
I'm sorry you're an idiot.

Just because you have a DP/DH/DC's, it does not mean giving up being a person in your own right and wanting to do things for yourself.

Poor bloody husband having to use up his annual fucking leave to look after his own children. What about a week off for op?

YANBU. He's weird.

Go on your trip, it's only four days, ffs.,

And don't feel the slightest bit guilty.