To travel somewhere alone, sans husband and children?

[4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy]

Husband thinks I have lost the plot but that's nothing new. Anyway.

I have a particular reason for wanting to go to this part of the world, it's really important to me for all sorts of reasons but one very personal and pertinent one. Hence why I really don't want to go with two pre-schoolers crying and whining and demanding.

Since we have no one else to have them (and I wouldn't ask anyway) I still want to go. I have looked at flights on EasyJet and would go for four days in June. I've suggested husband takes some leave and I go. I regularly do this when husband does a long day: in theory it's a twelve hour shift, in practice it's more like thirteen plus travel time.

Husband is Not Happy.

AIBU to say tough, I need to do this, and book a temporary nanny to help him? Or have I lost the plot as he claims?

I think you'll need more than 4 days.

Even if you're only travelling for 4 days you may need a few days afterwards to put it all together in your head so the total leave time may need to be longer so you can have some peace to process it all. Christ, does no-one go out of their way for their loved ones any more?

and yes, his patronising attitude is his own. Nothing to do with you. This nest of vipers is strong enough to deal with him!

You don´t need to apologize for him being patronizing. It isn´t your fault and you are not responsible for his nasty behaviour.

I really hope you go on this trip. Do something for you. Don´t let this selfish, self-centered man run your life like this.

Well - it was 5 and a half years ago so quite a while?

OK, my mistake. But the fact it is still bothering you is significant.

But you dont need significant to still not be unreasonable to expect to go, given the excuses your husband has given

And the fact that it IS significant means that he is being HUGELY unreasonable.

Of course yanbu!! I go away on my own for 3/4 days every single year and offer DH the same. Down times he takes it, sometimes not. I don't care if it looks odd (I don't think anybody thinks it does!). Our kids are under five.
Your DH needs to grow up and get on with it. They're his kids too, of course he can look after them. I would be fairly fuming to be honest

I don't know how you've gone about it OP but if my DH said to me "I'm going abroad for 4 days, you'll have to take time off work, oh and by the way I've already booked the flights" I would be v unhappy. And I'm certainly not guilty of coercive control.

The way he's behaving subsequently could be as a result of the way all this began.

It's hard to know the ins and outs and of course having deep personal reasons counts for a lot. So I do see your viewpoint.

She hasn't booked the flights. She has looked them up on easyJet. Sensible to check affordability!

I think it's totally normal. If you don't make the decision for yourself and tell you need and deserve a break then who will? Best of luck xx

Ah. That'll teach me to read the OP properly. Sorry!

And the posts from the husband has made it clear his issue is that he's prepared to go with her so thinks it odd she wants to go alone, not about the money etc

X post Water?!

Yes I read "booked" instead of "looked". Doh.

Oops!

You need to go for your own emotional wellbeing.

Mr4g get a grip. You're an adult, a father, and a husband... 4 days is nothing.

I travel alone regularly leaving my DH with our (now) 3 year old DD and have done for years. Weekends away with the girls and trips alone.

He also has a couple of trips alone each year.

They save my sanity and bring me great pleasure. I have travelled solo since September and I have very itchy feet now!

I've seen so many threads recently where women's "D"H are acting like their wives are somehow their property and that they are always responsible for childcare.

The same men don't seem to bat an eyelid when they want to go off for a week when their wives are about to give birth, have just given birth or have small children to look after - for work, a stag do or just because they need a break.

They are your children, he has plenty of leave he should be doing this to support you and make you happy.

You are a person in your own right and even if it was something you just fancied doing to recharge your batteries he should still be supporting you not acting like a third child and worrying about what other people think.

if you were in financial difficulty my response would be different, unless it was something affecting your MH significantly that would give you closure then I think it would be important to try and find a way.

If you had a history of being unfaithful and you were still trying to build trust in the marriage I would feel differently too.

But from what you have said, and how he acted on the thread, I can only reach the conclusion that he is a complete arse, and I find it very sad that you feel you have to defend him and that you more than likely will not go and get the peace you need

Havent RTFT but 4 days is nothing! DH did Lands End to John O Groats a while back, took him nearly 3 weeks! Meant a lot to him so I got on with it. ( 2 small kids).

I went away with my sister to a spa when he got back.

I don't think you are bu to go alone at all. I went away for 2 weeks to visit family and left my children with my dh, you know because he's their dad and can easily look after this own children! (Well maybe not easily but he can do it!) The children were 1.5 and 4 at the time.

I have just been away 9 days on a school trip away from.my 2.5 year old and husband. He looked after him solo and it was hilarious. .. many late nights and many kinder eggs but they both had a great time. Its important to have tine away from each other to get some bits done just for you and also so the other parent can see just how much you do and miss it! Makes us closer. Keep trying to explain to him why it's important and don't take no for an answer. . He will be fine!!

YA definitely NBU.

YANBU

My DH is a massive snow flake but he will care for DD solo for a weekend so I can go round my mates house in the countryside for a few drinks twice a year. Your thing sounds way more significant than that!

I think it's fine to do this as long as you can afford (and both have holiday leave for) a family holiday some other time. And as long as your Dh can have a trip away alone or with friends if he wants to or something else he wants to do instead maybe several nights out or similar.

Gosh, is he usually so needy and incapable? It really doesn't speak much to his competency as a parent if he can't look after his own children without being supervised.

Mind you, I suspect he's too busy ensuring that you Know Your Place - seeing as upon making your marriage vows and having children you clearly became a chattel, unworthy of ever going anywhere or doing anything without being accompanied by him

As for the sneering comment about a poster not knowing what 'sans' means... How condescending.

I think your DH is being an arse.
It's not because he is happy to go that he should iyswim. Because what will happen is that you will all go, YOU will the one to look after th dcs whilst HE is having a hols as a family.

That also means you won't have the time to process what has happened.

4 days looking after your OWN children isn't that much TBH.
And the answer would be the same if he had been asking because basically, that's what you are doing Day in day out anyway.
It doesn't mean that he will be as 'skilled' at looking after them as the OP. It just means that, as a father, he should be able to cope with it. What if the OP ended in hospital for a week. I'm sure he would cope so why not in this case (very similar btw as we are talking about the OP MH there)

As for deciding for you what is or isn't important ... does he also think that he can tell you how you should feel about things and that he can decide that for you? Would he ever accept that YOU would decide how HE should feel about some things? I bet not.

And the 'what are people going to think' is well... maybe he needs to grow up a bit.