To travel somewhere alone, sans husband and children?

[4ggggggggggggggggggggggggggyyy]

Husband thinks I have lost the plot but that's nothing new. Anyway.

I have a particular reason for wanting to go to this part of the world, it's really important to me for all sorts of reasons but one very personal and pertinent one. Hence why I really don't want to go with two pre-schoolers crying and whining and demanding.

Since we have no one else to have them (and I wouldn't ask anyway) I still want to go. I have looked at flights on EasyJet and would go for four days in June. I've suggested husband takes some leave and I go. I regularly do this when husband does a long day: in theory it's a twelve hour shift, in practice it's more like thirteen plus travel time.

Husband is Not Happy.

AIBU to say tough, I need to do this, and book a temporary nanny to help him? Or have I lost the plot as he claims?

What else does he stop you doing? What was that about the hen night?

Good, he should be shocked. And ashamed

It's a healthy dynamic for people to do their own thing, with friends or alone. As long as it goes both ways. I'd not be impressed with your DH.

He really doesn't like some friends I've had in the past, Bert, and in fairness retrospectively with good reason. But still. Mind you none of them had hen nights so I'm a bit confused too!

My DH may or may notkke all my friends. As he doesn't have to hang out with them, he gets no say

mr4ggg

One poster said they didn't understand sans. And you were incredibly rude to her.

Plenty of others understand it and still disagree with you.

So your argument is fallacious.

Leave your wife's thread alone. You promised to love and cherish her: she needs this, you can do it for her, it doesn't have to be something you would do or even understand. Support her because you are her partner.

OP- are you safe?

GO. Sounds wonderful. I regularly go away for a long weekend alone to see friends abroad.

Thank you Bert - I am, and I know why you're asking.

Glad you're safe OP. We are here for you

I apologise for my heated posts earlier btw. I was very frustrated for you, having been in a similar relationship in the past. I hope you and DH can talk about this further and come to some sort of agreement.

Some people i know think they are in happy relationships but their Dh's won't allow them to go away for the weekend. That's not the definition of a happy relationship for me.

you have heard that coercive control is a crime now??

" Any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality. This can encompass, but is not limited to, the following types of abuse: psychological , physical, sexual, financial and emotional

Controlling behaviour is a range of acts designed to make a person subordinate and/or dependent by isolating them from sources of support, exploiting their resources and capacities for personal gain , depriving them of the means needed for independence, resistance and escape and regulating their everyday behaviour

If someone causes you adverse effects then its coercive control. An example might be

Stopping or changing the way someone socialises in other words, you stop doing things you want to do for a quiet life

Building on examples within the Statutory Guidance, relevant behaviour of the perpetrator can include:

OK, so Im probably being a bit trigger happy, however giving in for a quiet life when there is actually no REASONABLE reason why you should, is a sign of abuse. And where does it stop. We already have him saying a hen do would depend on the hen.

Even if this death was someone very close to you, even an ex husband or boyfriend, or even someone who had hurt you in the past, it is YOUR call to make. If it would help you to put some demons to rest, then psychologically its probably something you should do. And he is standing in the way of you moving forward for God knows what reason - people might think its funny?? So what?

Step down on this, what else will you step down on. Going out with a friend he doesnt approve of? The clothes you are wearing? Your decision to get/hold onto a job?

as others said, its not usual to get such a unanimous response in AIBU - I would definately take the advice to head over to relationships as suspect this is the tip of the iceburg. Worth keeping in mind that if you split up he wouldnt be able to stop you going, as you would be able to do it during one of 'his' weekend contacts. In fact you could go out EVERY weekend contact!

I was the lone dissenting voice I think.

The thread has become a bit strange in the meantime, but I still kind of see the DH's view.

Both parents may work FT (do you?) but if the mother has taken a year's maternity leave each time of course she's going to be more skilled and experienced at looking after the children. That doesn't make the father a loser, nor excuse him from learning what to do, but it may explain his reluctance.

That was certainly true of my DH, and the situation was compounded by me breastfeeding and the baby being v attached to me -- something which persisted even after I'd stopped feeding.

Also, my DH genuinely misses me when I'm away and would rather we were together.

Having said that, I have been away for the odd night/weekend but only in the UK and it's still quite a big ask for him.

My DH has lots of work trips but rarely if ever goes away for fun.

Everyone is different and I think some of the responses on here are quite OTT.

He has never actually said so, so I probably am being unfair, but I get the sense he thinks I should just get over the death. But I can't! Well, I mean, I can, I have - but I want to see where he died, and I know that's a bit twisted but it's not.

I flit in and out of work, I've just finished work funnily enough. I'm a SAHM for now!

Of course you should do it. I think time alone and away from normal life is really good for us. Your other half is being quite ridiculous, he'll get his turn too.

Apols OP, I hadn't read through all of the thread, so please ignore my post.

Find a new job sharpish. Don't be reliant on this controlling bell end. Please.

He comes across at rather condescending, 4g. In big ways - like his list of reasons you can't go, and small ways - like thinking someone's opinion shouldn't count because they don't know what sans mean. Do his opinions always count for more than yours? (Don't feel you need to answer - I don't want him to have another excuse to be an arse to you.)

My French isn't good enough to repeat my thought on all this in it without mistakes, but I'm seriously tempted to do so in Latin and Ancient Greek to see if that helps him take this seriously

Waterfeature OP has said that he could look after the kids fine, that isnt the issue. He doesnt want her to go because he doesnt think she should, and her reasons aren't good enough/in line with what HE thinks, plus people will think it is odd.

You need to deal with death in whatever way you need to deal with it. Its your timeline, your grief, your journey. Not his. Its not as if you want to run off to a commune and meditate on it for a year. its 4 days.

Oh, and yes, get a new job please - who's idea for you to be a SAHM btw?

It happened as a result of this death, funnily enough. Sorry about dh being a patronising arse

It does not make any difference what your reasons are for the trip. Even if you wanted a girls holiday for 4 days and to let your hair down. You would let him go. If he doesn't want to go on his own then fine but you do. Marriage is a bit of give and take.
He should be relishing the idea of 4 days off to be with his children. You are not joined at the hip. You are individuals.
Who does he know who would think this odd?

Please don't apologise for him.

so death not so long ago. I am very sorry. All the more reason to do what you need to do.
But as lazymummy says, you dont need a reason, sometimes you just need a break away from it all