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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect my DH to spend more time with me as we head closer to my due date and not see his DC for a few weeks?

347 replies

bhappy55 · 19/02/2017 21:41

AIBU to expect my DH to stick around more as we get closer to my due date (I'm 36 weeks pregnant). You see, my DH has 2 DC from a previous marriage and he sees them every other weekend. Sometimes he sees them in the week if he works in the area as well, which is about 2 and half hours drive away (in good traffic). On weekends that he sees them, he doesn't normally get back until around midnight on a Sunday, including tonight. The thing is, with me being so close to the due date, I don't really want to be on my own, just in case anything happens. And not seeing him at weekends at this stage in my pregnancy is getting me down because he is so busy working on weekdays (sometimes very late into the evening) that we don't really get any quality time together. My Q is, AIBU to ask that he doesn't see his DC in the last remaining weeks, at least until I go into labour? There's still so much we have yet to do around the house, and with it being my first pregnancy, I could really do with spending some time with him to talk about my worries as and when they pop into my head. Or sometimes, I just want to be able to have him with me so he and I can read up about pregnancy related stuff together. Although I know he loves me very much, I do feel like I'm on my own and not getting the support I need from him. There's a good chance that even if I did ask, he would refuse anyway because he says that he loves his DC and will miss them too much not to see them, which I do also understand. What are your thoughts please? Anyone else going through or been through a similar situation?

OP posts:
KarmaNoMore · 20/02/2017 05:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HesAnUmptyFlump · 20/02/2017 05:39

OP - onviously all these people on here during there first pregnancy done in completely alone no one to help them.when waters broke etc cave woman style and there supee human.

Well, tbh, yes, some of us were. Well maybe not cave woman style, but I don't think the OP mentioned anything about living in a cave either, so we'll just let that one go...

SuperBeagle · 20/02/2017 05:58

He sees them 4 days out of a month, and you see him 26 or 27. YABU.

Get over yourself. You're pregnant, not dying.

MrsGB2225 · 20/02/2017 06:09

The first labour normally takes longer than you think so he will be able to get back to you in time, don't worry.
You'll need him more when the baby is actually here. Just enjoy star fishing the bed and hogging the remote for now!

WateryTart · 20/02/2017 06:20

YABU. It would be different if it was your due date, though.

mrsp0tts · 20/02/2017 06:21

YABVU

This is his third child, he can't pop his other two on the back burner till the baby arrives.

Then what will it be? To want him around all the time in the newborn stage? It could go on and on. You need to carry on as normal for the sake of the kids otherwise it could create a ton of resentment towards their new sibling.

What would you do if you had kids? And he suggested spending less/no time with them for up to 6 weeks before labour?

You chose to have a blended family, they are as much a part of it as your child will be.

TryAnotherUsername · 20/02/2017 06:26
Biscuit
Fighterofthenightman · 20/02/2017 06:29

Oh dear.

OddShoe · 20/02/2017 06:29

Those dc are your dp's world. You can't just ask him not to see them! If anything he should be trying to spend more time with them to reassure them they are still a priority even though there is a new sibling coming.

faithinthesound · 20/02/2017 06:39

Why should his kids suffer because you decided to get pregnant?

YOU chose to have this baby. They didn't. You are being so very exceedingly unreasonable and selfish to insist that he just shelves his kids until it's more convenient for you. They don't stop existing because their needs don't suit you. He doesn't stop being their dad because he made a baby with you.

You made your bed, with this man who you knew had two existing children, now you have to lie in it. Not the kids!

Onthecouchagain · 20/02/2017 06:41

Yabu
Please stop yourself being an evil stepmother stereotype.

maltesersarethedevil · 20/02/2017 06:44

I was one of the 'first kids'

Your a knob head.

That is all

maltesersarethedevil · 20/02/2017 06:45

*you're

MetalMidget · 20/02/2017 06:49

Although it's true that labour for a first child takes longer than average, and tends to overrun the due date, it's not a given (my son took less than four hours, one day before his due date!). So I can understand why the OP would be a bit jittery about her husband being so far away close to the due date.

However, asking him not to see his kids is very unreasonable. And if the lack of quality time is a concern, he needs to scale back the late nights working, not his time with his children!

TaliDiNozzo · 20/02/2017 06:51

Unless we're talking adult children here, this is one of the most selfish things I've ever heard. Of course YABU.

ithakabythesea · 20/02/2017 06:52

He doesn't want to read pregnancy books - he's got 2 kids! You can't expect him to pretend to be a doe eyed first time dad, because he isn't.

Newsflash - his first children are (or at least should be) every bit as precious, special and in need of cherishing as your as yet unborn. You are not a child so will have to look after yourself. He will need to maintain, if not increase, contact with his first family when your child comes so you will have to prepare yourself for that. Yes, it is tough on you, but you chose to marry a man with 2 children, his children didn't make the choice to share him with a half sibling, but they have to suck it up and so will you.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 20/02/2017 06:58

Of course YABU! Biscuit

RebootYourEngine · 20/02/2017 06:59
Biscuit
Oblomov17 · 20/02/2017 07:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 20/02/2017 07:05

Good God, woman. Of course YABVVVU. First-pregnancy self-absorption notwithstanding, can't you see that?

Your attitude really, really doesn't bode well for when the baby's born. Your dh's poor kids.

PeterVincentVampireKiller · 20/02/2017 07:16

I'd like to know what ages they are if they're real

fuckoffdailysnail · 20/02/2017 07:28

This reply has been deleted

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NorksAreMessy · 20/02/2017 07:31
Hmm
teaandakitkat · 20/02/2017 07:45

Sorry, YABU.

I've been you. My dh has 2 older kids. I had health problems throughout my pregnancy, and his kids.scheduled to come for a week in the easter holidays just 3 days after my due date.
As a first time mum to wasn't at all how I had pictured the end of my pregnancy, first few days at home with a new baby.

But that's life, it's rarely perfect. Especially if your oh has kids already.

Sorry you're having such a hard time though, I do sort of understand x

Penfold007 · 20/02/2017 07:45

MIL banned for smoking, DSC banned from seeing their DF way to go OP

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